shellphones | Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

Entry tags:

Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

Type: Video
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik)
To: Public
Subject: A proposition, of sorts
Warnings: Scheming

[Now that Eggman has been here for a few months, he's about ready to make some moves. Specifically, he's been working on a little project. It's taken him some time to acclimate to the magitech of this world, and to gather appropriate resources, but the good doctor is nothing if not industrious.]

Attention fellow riftfarers!

I realize that I have not exactly made the...best impression to most of you. And still, there are others who come from my particular sphere of reality who have warned you that I am not to be trusted.

I readily admit that I have made a great many...missteps in my time. But never let it be said that Dr. Eggman can't shed his shell!

And so, I come to offer my particular brand of expertise. Behold!

[Eggman steps back and procures a small disc. A disc that, with the press of a button, creates a small projection of five, animal-themed automatons.]

These designs might be a bit antiquated but I am offering to construct these automatons for interested parties with custom functionality! They're quite good at reconnaissance and security, but they can also be used as personal assistants and companions! In fact, if you were interested, I could scale them down and make them into fun little toys for yourself or a friend! And I am offering these "Radniks" at a pittance! Whatever you wish to pay, I will gladly accept!

Consider this a peace offering from the great, magnanimous, Dr. Eggman.

And, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask~

[OOC: Step one of Eggman's latest scheme is happening! These bots, while not dangerous now, are part of a long term scheme! If you're interested in getting involved, please feel free to let me know! You can reach out to me on the CR meme where I have some more details or message me on Discord of plurk at

bitterbearface]

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[Even as Shadow says it, though — there's no reason to suspect this little Radnik could be a threat to Tails or Shadow, never mind both. So he sets the mini-Motobug down, releasing it to buzz circles around them on the floor. His eyes follow its movements with scrutiny. How random are they? How fast are they?]

Right. You could even turn this Radnik itself into a weapon. All it would take is an intentional defect, and it might start sparking, or even explode...

[But that's just hypothetically speaking. There's no signs of any danger. At its absolute worst, this little thing could be a trip hazard.]

[Eggman's invitation, however, makes Tails look up at him with concern.] You're making people sign terms and conditions, huh? [Sigh.] I guess someone has to be the one to read through the fine print. Fine, give it here.

[He doesn't expect Eggman's master plan to be buried in legalese. But he does expect that it's going to be painful to read through, because the doctor has to get his kicks somehow.]

They do from everything I have gathered, and communicate with each other. They even start out smaller when young; there is a young Tortoise Leviathan being cared for on an island.

Of course, and it is a good place to start. You could have them sold in the RAY center market to reach wider places here; I still receive payments for the Dolls I sell through them.

Oh.

That looks amazing, it must have taken you quite a while to make it!

[Eggman casts a knowing look at Shadow.]

So true! Weapons can come in all shapes and spiny sizes, can't they?

But as you can see, these not only lack armaments, they barely have enough power capable to keep themselves functioning. There's nothing especially high-yield about them. And if they were defective, I would be losing out on funds wouldn't I? It wouldn't be in my best interests to sell a faulty product when I'd be expected to make returns or waste valuable resources on repairs. A clause you'll find in the terms and conditions I painstakingly wrote.

[Which he helpfully forwards to Tails with a few keystrokes of the air. Yes, he's linked his Shellphone to his gloves. It's more efficient that way.]

[It also looks cooler.]

However, let's not mince words. You both know me. Would I hide a masterful scheme behind something so...pedantic? There's nothing memorable about a byline leading to the downfall of my enemies. There's nothing satisfying about misleading you with legalese.

If I wanted to bury you you would know it. If I wanted to drown the rest of this world in trifles and toys then I would do just that.

[He looms over them both, hands clasped behind his back.]

Face it. You all fear me because I do not hide. I am the epitome of an omnipresent threat and you're all sitting on the edge of your tails waiting for a move that you can't be sure will ever come. You are all stewing, waiting for the day when I unveil my masterwork that will bring this world to ruin.

And that's the beauty of it. I don't have to do anything. I live in your heads, rent free. I've won by virtue of existing.

[And then Eggman stands bolt upright and claps his hands.]

Now! Can I interest either of you in one of my Radniks? I'm offering a Buy One Get One special for the next thirty seconds!

No better way to pry into my master plans than to take one of these little beauties home with you!

Gah-- the way you use words! Why does everything you say have to sound suspicious!? But fine, I guess that's the best I can expect from you.

[Fox, you think too small. He's going to let them look over the fine print. Their skillsets make them the better option between them to find anything amiss. He's more distracted by Eggman's prattling. His expression remains in resting bitch face, looking disinterested, but as the doctor got to about needing to do nothing to get under their skins... well, the only tell from Shadow that it got to him, is him gradually clenching his fist. Fear? Him? He fears nothing, especially not this bastard.

Keep talking that talk. He can see Eggman trying to make them lower their guards, think he's won. Rake in trust from these foolish people in this world, than strike when it gets the most recognition for him. He huffs, glancing towards the fox. That moment of irritation passing once he got his head together.] An underwhelming victory for you, if that were true.

[He stays quiet at their offer for a Radnik. He was already considering to take one to keep under survellience, but hearing the doctor suggest it, acting as if he was steps ahead of them...No, he has to commit, no matter what head games the Doctor deploys.] Fox. [It wasn't a demand for their attention, just a prompt nod to the offer at hand.]

[Oh ho? Now the yolk jokester's talking his language.

Eggman'll be able to see the martial artist perk up, interest crossing over his face.]

Huh, that'd actually be kinda cool.

[Out of the wide variety of foes Ranma's fought in his life, anything mechanical never came up. Closest to it would be that one mech 'anti-bully protection' suit Gos bought in another shortsighted sceme to defeat him. And that blew up on him because he didn't bother reading the fine print.]

Could you even build something that could perfectly match me in everything? Or in general, for that matter! 'Cuz both don't seem very plausible here...

[The latter because magitech's only starting to bloom and thrive, and the former cause. Well. He's him, the true deal! How could some robo-him ever dare to compare?]

[Tails keeps his eyes glued to his shellphone, scrolling through the document to skim the details, even after the doctor pointed out what a waste of time it would be. He's not wrong. It is, however, a convenient excuse not to look at the doctor through his big monologue.]

[He's still listening, though, as Eggman delivers the kind of sales pitch that would make anyone want to refuse it out of principle. It reeks of sleazy used car salesman. But on the other hand, much like Shadow, he was already planning on taking one home and hacking into it. He'll begrudgingly take the bait.]

All right. But I still want to finish reading through this first. You went through all the trouble of writing it all out, right? [He scrolls through, getting a good sense for its length.] And I'm curious, because this really isn't your style. I would have expected you to just write, "Dr. Eggman can do what he wants", followed by two buttons that both say "ACCEPT".

[It's not like it's actually going to matter. He's going to jailbreak his Radnik immediately, and Eggman knows it. But he's going to do the diligent smart guy thing and read it anyway, undeterred by the head games.]

[As he muses on the whole speech, though, he settles on one short thought.]

You know... if you only ever wanted our attention, there's much easier ways to do that.

A victory is still a victory, Shadow. I'll take what I can get.

[He once more clasps his hands behind his back and rocks on his heels a bit as he regards Tails.]

Pah. You think I need a contract for that? No, this is all for the sake of transparency. Not just for my clientele, but for you all as well.

I require funding for my endeavors. You all wish to see me integrate properly into this society. You're over-complicating the situation.

[With a wave of his hand, he seemingly dismisses his villainous monologue. Of course they'll never take him at face value and that's part of the game. Rack up enough merits so that when he does make his move, the crushing blow will be precise.]

[These stupid hedgehogs all have the same fatal flaw, after all. Guilt. And Sonic's guilt when faced with yet another catastrophe that he could have stopped if he only had the spines to do what needed to be done is all the incentive he needs to play nice.]

Now, how will you be paying? I did say "Buy One, Get One" not "Take whatever your grubby paws want." I'm running a business, not a charity.

There is no payment. [First to speak up, crossing his arms.] You owe us to continue to be on your best behavior. [They could pay, but why do that when Eggman has to keep proving to them he's not up to no good. Surely two Radnik samples isn't going to put a huge dumper on his funding.]

Stealing inventory from a helpless toymaker, Shadow?

Why, this might just be, as the kids say, my supervillain origin.

Edited 2025-03-21 22:42 (UTC)

[Well, it's not the start of his career in comedy, if the look on Tails' face is any indication. He knows he probably should not be encouraging Shadow to keep trying extortion, but... boy, Eggman sure is making Shadow's case for him, isn't he?]

[Also: Tails only arrived a short while ago. He has very little money, and he doesn't want to hand it all over to Eggman.]

Didn't you want us to properly inspect your Radniks, so we can let everyone know they're safe? Because I'm definitely not going to give my seal of approval based on such a short demo. In fact, I'll probably be telling people to watch out for your sales tactics...

[Zero stars, Eggman. Your move.]

Alright then.

(Victory.)

[At the word "contract", Azul's eyes light up.]

Good. In that case, I would be more than happy to look at this program of yours and examine how it works, as well as go over a contract with you in order to ensure a mutually fair business deal between the two of us.

You do? Hmm. I guess that can be similar to preferring the company of animals to people.

Well, I think this is a good idea and I can't wait to see a few of these little guys out in the wild, so to speak. Maybe I'll get one...?

[ Amy stares.

And then she stares some more.

...and squints. ]

I really hate giving you a compliment, but, I have to give the devil his due here... you're never at a disadvantage. You're too smart for that. I'm pretty glad to hear you don't have the majority of your toys here, though.

[ For once, she's not Team Sonic with her opinion of Eggman-- after her discussion with Shadow, she's definitely leaning more in his direction about things. To an extent. ]

How long have you been here, anyways, if you don't mind me asking?

[ Because, yeah, she doesn't believe him OR trust him, but also, she's not gonna be like, super mean to him riiiight off the bat. He hasn't done anything to deserve that. ]

Well, if it's to assuage your fears I do believe I can part with one model.

On the condition that you publicly vouch for their safety and quality! I am trying to sustain myself here, Tails.

A glowing, public recommendation by you and Sonic would be just the ticket I need to legitimacy!

Of course, I have issues if you publicly disclose your findings as well! I have nothing to hide!

Do we have a deal?

[Eggman holds out one of his large, gloved hands to the smaller fox.]

I imagine I'd have to share some of the profits then. Though, until I establish myself, that might just be a necessary evil.

[Eggman considers the options and makes some pointed notes.]

A young tortoise Leviathan you say? Something like that would be heavily guarded considering how precious leviathans appear to be. There's certainly a lot about this world to grasp, I'm finding. Not to mention the sheer amount of artifacts to be found.

I'm hoping the Radnik project can fund some...expeditions.

It's because you assume the worst of me, Sonic. Quite hypocritical of you when you say you want me to turn over a new leaf!

I would have to run some tests on you, but if you're willing to show me your strength, I am positive I can replicate it. I have experience in replicating both super speed and overwhelming physical power in my creations, after all.

Even if what you display is considered superhuman, I have every confidence I can not only match it, but create an AI whose sole purpose would be to beat you.

A true challenge! And should you overcome, I'll simply repair it and have it challenge you again!

[And in no way is this going to result in a superweapon with all of Ranma's insane skills that is loyal to Eggman.]

So you'd like a flight based model capable of cleaning and organizing? Well, I could repurpose my Orbinaut with dusters instead of spiked and exploding balls...though without movable appendages, organizing might be a bit of a problem.

Unless I replace two of the spiked balls with dusters and the other two with hands that can move within its orbit.

Orbinaut does have a decent range...

Yes, I believe I can make this work quite easily! The design I propose would look like this but without the needlessly pointy bits.

So something perfectly within the realm of mundane nature. Not necessarily unexpected but I suppose I'm a bit spoiled when it comes to fantastical creatures.

Perhaps something it can give chase to? Between my Motobug and Buzzbomber, it would have something both ground-based and airborne to contend with.

Not at all! In fact, a genius of my caliber can whip up one of these in a jiffy! Once the process is perfected, I simply let my factories automate the construction!

Animals and people are still capable of acting outside of a reasonable scope. Machines can be programmed. I can make them do what I want and believe what I want them to believe.

Interested, are you? Is there a specific task you'd be interested in having one for? They're quite capable personal assistants.

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Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

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