Anonymous Text

[velocityraptor]

Type: Text
Sender ID: Anonymous (Hawks)
To: Public
Subject: General advice
Warnings: None intended, will update if necessary.




Have you ever had to reinvent yourself?

I mean, have to might be a bit much, but let's say you get a chance to, and maybe there's some things you want to leave behind, and anything that could've been stopping you before, isn't.

How would you do it?

It just seems like an awkward conversation to have.

Comments

[velocityraptor]

Even if someone likes you, they'd probably still judge you, they just might be polite enough not to say it. It's both. I was in a bad situation of my own making, it's my fault things ended up this way. I'm pretty sure that will be self-evident.

I haven't hurt them or anything, before you ask. It's not about atoning to them.

I'm just selfish.

[withermarked]

I don't know about that. I had someone I felt that I'd been deceiving for a time, and they didn't see it that way, or judge me.

[ He still thinks he'd be judged more harshly if he tells other people his own past, but this isn't about that right now. ]

I don't know that anyone would be upset with you for a situation that was only bad for you.

And I don't think it's selfish to want to be seen. Not selfish in a way that takes something from someone else.

[velocityraptor]

It could be an unfounded fear, but I don't know if it is or not.

I can't say the situation was only bad for me. There are things I should've done and didn't.

I don't know if it's worth disturbing how things are, just to satisfy myself.

[withermarked]

I'm sure most people have things they could have done different, or better. Just because that may be the case doesn't mean they have a right to judge you harshly.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to satisfy yourself, as long as it's not at the expense of someone else.

It takes courage, changing anything. In the world or in ourselves.

But there's a weight off your shoulders, when people can truly see you.

[velocityraptor]

I consider myself courageous in a lot of ways, but I'm not sure what's so different this time.

There's only one person who's truly seen me, I think, and I'm glad for it. What if people prefer the illusion?

[withermarked]

I know it can feel harder, when it's for yourself.

Well, you said you're glad that one person has. I can't promise some people won't prefer the illusion, but... how would you feel if people prefer the real you?

I bet there's people who will, even if maybe they're not all the same ones.

[velocityraptor]

That would be nice, but I'm also not sure why they would. I'm very flawed and the illusion isn't.

Even now, just thinking about this, and talking to people in the vaguest terms this feels so impossible to do.

[withermarked]

Everyone else has flaws, too. Every single one of us. But maybe it's easier to get to know someone genuine.

[ This might be what you get for having a boyfriend who loves to internalise the things you say to him. ]

What feels so impossible about it, can you put a name to that?