[He might hear her falter on the other end, a strained noise coming from her as her fingers clutch at her phone tight—so tight that she might crush it if she squeezes it anymore. That's all it really boils down to, isn't it? And it's so fucking stupid that it's that way, but when she has missed him and wished to be with him for six long years, even through the hate, being at his side now doesn't make it just go away.
No, it makes it worse.
It makes her heart ache for him when he isn't there. She wishes that she could go back to hating him sometimes because it was easier back then. Anger and hatred have a funny way of overcoming all of the other things that she would feel for him. They would burn them away over and over again, no matter how many times they resurfaced.
But now it's gone. Now, all she has left in her is that need to make up for lost time. To be with him and try to reach out and grab hold of that life that she wanted...
A life of traveling the world and seeing the world. Of running away. Being free...
And just like that last time she saw him buried in his work, it took her back to those nights where those dreams felt dashed. Like nothing more than a dying spark of hope in her chest before he eventually, finally left.]
You had a funny way of showing that last time...
[She grumbles it defensively under her breath, breaking that spell of silence at long last.]
Are you listening to yourself? Schedules? More work? Who exactly are you bound to that you would choose to overwork yourself? And I don't suppose my "interrupting" these schedules will lead you to lashing out at me again in the future, will it?
[Because surely he remembers what had happened when she tried to pull him out of it, right?
Yeah. She didn't say any of this before because she wanted to try being sensitive of his feelings, and she could at least understand where he was coming from, but it's been a month since Midadol left.]
It's as you said, things are different now, Cidolfus.
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No, it makes it worse.
It makes her heart ache for him when he isn't there. She wishes that she could go back to hating him sometimes because it was easier back then. Anger and hatred have a funny way of overcoming all of the other things that she would feel for him. They would burn them away over and over again, no matter how many times they resurfaced.
But now it's gone. Now, all she has left in her is that need to make up for lost time. To be with him and try to reach out and grab hold of that life that she wanted...
A life of traveling the world and seeing the world. Of running away. Being free...
And just like that last time she saw him buried in his work, it took her back to those nights where those dreams felt dashed. Like nothing more than a dying spark of hope in her chest before he eventually, finally left.]
You had a funny way of showing that last time...
[She grumbles it defensively under her breath, breaking that spell of silence at long last.]
Are you listening to yourself? Schedules? More work? Who exactly are you bound to that you would choose to overwork yourself? And I don't suppose my "interrupting" these schedules will lead you to lashing out at me again in the future, will it?
[Because surely he remembers what had happened when she tried to pull him out of it, right?
Yeah. She didn't say any of this before because she wanted to try being sensitive of his feelings, and she could at least understand where he was coming from, but it's been a month since Midadol left.]
It's as you said, things are different now, Cidolfus.