shellphones | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

Type: Text
Sender ID: anonymous (Astarion)
To: General Public
Subject: The Rifts
Warnings: None

What is even the point of becoming close to anyone here, if they can all just leave as quickly as they came?

Oh, sure, let's all play our little games and finish our silly little quests and feel this sense of camaraderie working towards a goal we all damn well know is unaccomplishable. And along the way, we can learn the magic of friendship only to have it taken away by the Rifts without any further explanation.

It would be nicer to believe we were being held to the whims of some vengeful god instead of the unfeeling randomness of the Rifts and their "unknowable" magic.

Then, at least, there would be someone to curse for the cruelty of it.

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Better because it is easier.

It's up to you. It's easier said than done for me. How do you manage it?

Apparently not as well as I'd like.

He understood me in a way no one else could. I know that nothing in life is ever fair, but this just seems like I deserved better. For once.

[ Oof, stranger. Just hit him where it hurts, why don't you? ]

There are very few people that deserve to feel alone. Even if it was for too short a time, it sounds like you were very lucky to find someone who could see you in such a way. I'm sure it hurts.

It's not much of a consolation, but at least they aren't dead. If they wandered in here once before, they just might do so again in the future.

I wouldn't want him to come back. He told me he would rather be home than here. He has so much life to live, where he's from.

But I am so tired of this. I want to be selfish about it.

It could be worse. He could be returning to a terrible situation to add insult to injury.

What do you mean by selfish?

It's selfish to want him to be here, instead of back at his home. It's selfish to want to keep people close to you when it is actively to their detriment.

Their detriment? So you brought nothing to the table for him?

It might be selfish, but it's understandable. Having a feeling is harmless. It isn't as if you can actually control who comes and goes.

Not really.

[ It's only anonymous that he can admit that. If it were clear who he was, that would be a very different answer. ]

But yes, that's true. You're right. It's just a feeling.

[ That does get a surprised arch of the brows when he reads it. Most people have a little more pride. ]

Then he was either the world's most generous man or he must have thought differently.

I'm sure everyone has feelings they aren't proud of. There are certainly worse ones to have than wanting to be with someone you care about.

[ man he's going to remember this why is alucard so nice ]

I might have given him one or two nice things.

[ It was sex! Shocking, I know. ]

I've never felt this way before. It is a lot to sort out. Clearly, I'm woefully ill-equipped to do so.

[ Gosh, he would know this is Alucard, wouldn't he? Since he's asked Astarion out before via shellphone. Well, no one can excuse this as Astarion just being pretty, that's for sure. ]

It would be strange if you were. Like you've said, it's the first time this has happened. Why would you expect yourself to be any good at it?

Everyone makes it sound so easy. It just feels childish, in comparison, to still be going on about it at this point.

[ Plus he's so much older than everyone! he should have his shit together! ]

[ Alucard's lived way too much for a dude that is still in his 20s, that's for sure. His shit is nowhere near together, though, even if he's good at faking it. ]

It isn't easy, and if it makes you feel better or it helps sort things out to go on about it, then go on about it. You're the one who has to live in your head at the end of the day, not us jaded bastards.

Edited 2023-09-30 05:08 (UTC)

You really didn't need to be this patient with someone who posted anonymously, but thank you.

You could have been nastier as an anonymous person, but you're welcome. I don't make a habit of being cruel to grieving people whether I know them or not. Hopefully you'll give yourself the same sort of courtesy.

Edited 2023-10-03 00:22 (UTC)

I'll try.

[ He's definitely going to think about it, at least. ]

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