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(no subject)

Type: Text
Sender ID: anonymous (Astarion)
To: General Public
Subject: The Rifts
Warnings: None

What is even the point of becoming close to anyone here, if they can all just leave as quickly as they came?

Oh, sure, let's all play our little games and finish our silly little quests and feel this sense of camaraderie working towards a goal we all damn well know is unaccomplishable. And along the way, we can learn the magic of friendship only to have it taken away by the Rifts without any further explanation.

It would be nicer to believe we were being held to the whims of some vengeful god instead of the unfeeling randomness of the Rifts and their "unknowable" magic.

Then, at least, there would be someone to curse for the cruelty of it.

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How did you end up making friends after all of that? Wasn't it hard to make friendships when you didn't understand your own emotions?

It was but I had someone to help me learn. It was difficult to trust him at first but it wasn't exactly hard to understand the idea of friendship.

After all I realize now I'd longed for connections to others all my life even if I didn't acknowledge it.

You do too, yes? Long for connections with others?

I don't know.

I've spent so long using people, and I couldn't afford to care about them when I did that. And now the thought of actually letting someone in is terrifying. I always knew that I could get hurt if I did, but I didn't realize it would feel like this.

Maybe that's the difference then. I've never used anyone.
I don't think?
How do you use other people?

[She's never used Jack, had she? She and her sisters had certainly been used by their mother.]

I had never met anyone else before him. Besides my sisters and mother at least.
I didn't know you could connect with others at all.

Edited 2023-10-02 03:17 (UTC)

I would lie to them and pretend that I liked them, so that they would give me what I needed.
So of course I assume people are doing the same thing to me. It's what makes sense.

The person that you met, did he help you leave them? Your siblings and your mother?

Oh. I guess it does makes sense you'd think like that. I was never taught how to pretend.

Sort of. My sisters and I were sent to kill him but he was faster than we anticipated. I was the only one left alive in the end.

My mother ... I suppose I was faster than she anticipated.

Good. Better that you had you carve your own way to freedom than have someone take the chance from you.

Do you think your siblings would have stopped you? Would you have fought them, too?

[ definitely not asking for a very specific canon problem of his own not tall! Totally coincidental that he also has six siblings who are likewise devoted to a crazy power hungry being! ]

Maybe. I think they would have seen it as weakness and weakness means death. They either may have killed me or I would have had to kill them.

[It's more than a little sobering to face the truth like this. She hadn't had time to really think of her sisters much before now.]

I do wish that the person who helped me could have helped them but I'm not sure they would have even accepted it.

It puts you in a rather impossible situation. I guess there are some blessings to having that choice taken from you.

... I suppose there are. Yet somehow it does make you feel guilty too. I've wondered sometimes if I did something differently I could have changed things.

It's a little useless to think over what you could have done though.

[Okay sure, time portals and all but Ashi doesn't know the details of how those work anymore than Jack does so.]

We can't change the past, no matter how much we might want to.

I understand that much. It's hard to be satisfied with that though.

I understand.

[ There's so much more he could say, but even anon like this he's too guarded. This is really the best he can come up with. ]

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