shellphones | oh good, another hedgehog

Type: Video
Sender ID: spinsandneedles (Sonic)
To: General Public
Subject: new phone who dis
Warnings: furries

[Sup buckaroos, this strange looking blue creature pops into focus after fiddling with his shellphone (a pun that he absolutely appreciates, good job whoever invented these). Despite the fact that he's stuck here on this weirdo wet planet with all this damn water, he seems to be pretty cheerful!]

There we go, I think... I'm just gonna assume this is recording-- Aaaand, hi everybody! My name's Sonic, I'm new here, and I'm pretty eager to dig into whatever's going on here and help out however I can! If you need something done fast, I'm your guy. Pssst, this is how you make an introduction other hedgehog, take notes.

Anyway, nice to meet everyone! And I do mean everyone. I get around real quick and I have no chill, you can't avoid me forever! That'ssss about all I've got for now-- Oh! So, asking for a friend, does anyone happen to have any spare like, pool noodles or y'know, floaty things. That float in water? I-- that is, my real friend that I have that I'm asking for kinda swims like a boulder. And this planet is like, really wet? Sooooo.

Yeah! I'll catch you all later.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Man, another person who can't swim? These rifts really need to learn some courtesy and stop sucking up people who'll die the second they hit the water.

[Huh. Something...kinda familiar here.]

Right?? I can't believe they'd to that to my poor friend!! Mega rude, yeah?

[Seems familiar. But not too familiar. But not too not familiar.]

Anyway, you got any spare floaties?

Maybe? I've been working on some magitech accessories that'll give the wearer higher than average buoyancy. Still working out the kinks, though.

So, unless your friend feels like taking a risk and giving them a test, I don't think it's a good idea to part with them just yet.

Oh good, a nerd! And I mean that genuinely, not in the makin' fun of you way.

Turns out my friend is quite the risk taker and would be willing to offer his services as a test dummy, if you need one!

Hell yeah! Now we're talking! No such thing as a bad risk when it comes to makin' progress, right?

Name's Darin, by the way! Darin Altway, Master Blacksmith and Forgemaster of the Starmetal Forge!

My friends would argue otherwise, but that's pretty much how I approach every problem. So yes, absolutely right!

That's a mouth full. Nice to meet you!

... Pool noodle?

Eh, nothing ventured nothing gained. You just need to make sure you can take whatever the risks can dish out.

Anyway, I'm pretty much at my forge all the time when I'm not out exploring the ruins or home. It's on Eltrut, can't miss it. If you feel like coming by, you can give me a hand testing these babies.

[Whoa, a talking hedgehog!

...Is something that someone who didn't come from a world where talking animal people made up a sizable chunk of the population on Earth might think.]

Is your friend who can't swim a hedgehog like you too?

Woooah, you look cool!

[just blurting out the first thing that pops into his head, don't mond him.]

Yeah, it's a long foam thing that floats in water. Kids mostly smack each other with 'em.

I can definitely do that, I have nothing but free time right now. Hey, next time you go out exploring, mind if I tag along?

That's a distinct possibility, yeah!

Then... Can't he just float? Besides being naturally adept swimmers, hedgehogs are also naturally buoyant.

[Sorry, Sonic, you've awoken the biology nerd.]

You see, their quills are hollow and filled with air, so if one rolls on its back in the water, it'll float on the surface.

[There's a pause.]

...Sorry, I'm explaining hedgehog biology to a hedgehog.

[its cool bro, Sonic doesn't take any offense. He does, however, look as though the most obvious thong in the world is slowly dawning on him, and now he feels like the world's biggest idiot.

He reaches up to pluck a quill from the back of his head and snaps in in too. He is indeed packing hollow quills. Well then.]

...well. I wouldn't say that every hedgehog is naturally adept...

[but the floating thing, it appears, he could totally do. He just has to learn how to not flail stupidly any time he's submerged.]

O-oh, right, of course! I didn't mean to imply your friend should be capable of it...[He feels a little awkward now.] Maybe he just needs some good practice, and it'll come right to him naturally?

[Luckily for you, Sonic, Gohan will definitely never figure that Sonic's totally real friend isn't real at all, so his secret is safe.]

[Eh it's fine, he's not all that committed to the bit]

Yeah, nah, it's just me, heh. Now, normally I'd say the best way to learn is to just dive in, but so far that hasn't really been a solid strategy. I usually get around it by just running across the surface of the water, but there's a lot of water here.

[Plus his stamina's taken a hit since he got here and he won't be able to keep up that kind of momentum for long, but HE doesn't know that yet ha haaaa]

[You gotta be kidding me.]

This is the best solution you can think of while you're out at sea? Really? [Course he's not playing along.]

[She wants to ask what a hedgehog is, but there's a more important question to be asked:]

What are pool noodles?

Pool noodles? I can't swim either.

[He should probably look into something like that, then? Maybe?]

[???????]

Thanks?

And you think that's going to help on the ocean?

[ Yet another person who apparently can't swim. His ears wiggle in a silent chuckle. ]

My friend, might I inquire as to your magical capabilities?

No, this is just plan B! Plan A is learning how to swim, but in the meantime, I'd like to not drown before I get there! ...So I guess calling it Plan B isn't accurate, but you get the idea!

Heh, guess they're not as universal as I thought they were. It's a long foam tube thing that floats in water. It's just a pool toy, so, probably not great for being stuck in the middle of the ocean?

It's a pool toy that floats. Long and noodly, hence the name. Y'know, it's kind of unfair that this place keeps snatching up people who can't swim and dropping them in a place that's all water.

Thaaaat's gonna be a big, fat nothing, my guy. I heard something about magic tattoos or something, but I haven't really looked into it?

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