video

[sos_pilot]

Type: Video
Sender ID:perfpilot (Della Duck)
To: Public
Subject: Bad Guy Warnings
Warnings: N/A

Hey there, party people! If we haven't met yet, name's Della Duck!

So after witnessing some shenanigans on the network, some more obvious than others, I thought I'd do everyone here a service and warn them about potential people from my world. If this place can bring in bad guys, it's best to be prepared. So, here we go!

[ to wit, she begins holding up crude crayon drawings of the following people. ]

Mark Beaks! So, he's technically really smart with tech stuff, but he prefers to steal other people's work and claim it as his own. Solution - distract him with how few followers he has on the network, then punch him in the face.

Next, Ma Beagle! Head of the Beagle Boys gang! Don't let her height fool you, she packs a punch and can rob banks in her sleep. Solution - disarm the purse, it's got all kind of weapons in there, then punch her in the face.

Then, Don Karnage! Leader of the Sky Pirates, he might feel right at home here. Good swordsman, better singer. Solution - challenge him to a singing competition, then punch him in the face.

Last, and worst, is Magica De Spell. Sorceress supreme, and pure evil to the bone. Petty streak that can and has lasted for decades. Solution - break her magic scepter, then punch her in the face.

Now, my world has WAY more bad guys than that, but these are the most dangerous, in my opinion. And hey, feel free to share deets about the baddies from your world! We're all in this together!

Comments

life happens, it's okay!

[sos_pilot]

Actually, in my world, ducks are pretty much the shortest kind of people around. We always gotta glance up at just about everyone else. The only ducky exceptions are Glomgold, who's even shorter, and Magica, who is taller. I blame the former on him doing the "bends over to rub hands evilly" cliche all the time, and the latter on "probably used a spell to make herself taller because she's just that petty."

[catsgothistongue]

Huh.

[That... makes sense?? Ducks aren't exactly that big where he's from either. Guess there's always a constant even in other worlds.

Ranma nods in kinship at the latter half of Della's descriptor.]

Eh, I can see it. People from my world use magic for petty crap whenever they manage to get their hands on it. Like make people fall head over heels with them, or erase their memories.

[Beat.]

... Glomgold's... the tech guy?

[He. Might've been paying attention to the "punch in the face" aspect than taking names.]

[sos_pilot]

... Did you listen to anything I said, or did you just hear "bad guys, punch punch punch"?

[catsgothistongue]

[. . .]

... I heard you're a shortie?

[:>]

[sos_pilot]

[ Somehow, she's not surprised. ]

Ah, honey.

Just keep an eye out for any bird-people that are not from this world and tell me before you punch them, okay?

[catsgothistongue]

[He's a shounen protag! You say fight, he asks who?]

Will do. [Should point out that half of the animal-people she listed aren't avians... but he'd just be a contrarian at this point.] I've got experience fighting bird-people under my belt already, so whatever your world's baddies got under theirs, they shouldn't be too hard to handle.

[sos_pilot]

[ look telling him to be on the look out for any type of dog species would just make things more complicated and she already doubts the number of brain cells he's holding onto ]

Oh, you've got folks like me back home? Not all humans?

[catsgothistongue]

[EXCUSE YOU, he has more brain cells than your average shounen protag.

He just. Is also a romance-comedy protag.

He tries. :((]

Ah, nope. It's mostly humans and animals. Non-sapient ones. Wildlife, pets, couple monsters, spirits and demons here and there.

[You know. The standard fauna.]

The bird-people I've ran into look nothing like you. One of them's a guy also cursed to turn into a duck, and the others are a small tribe of half-human, half-bird people ruled by a phoenix guy.

[In other words, none of them are Disney ducks.]

[sos_pilot]

[ tbf "couple monsters, spirits and demons here and there" is her day to day life too, so she nods along casually. she understands. ]

Can't say I'm too fond of anything that can look like me being called a curse, but the other stuff doesn't sound so bad.

[catsgothistongue]

[... okay, looking back on it, phrasing it that way might've been a smidge insulting.]

Don't take it the wrong way, I didn't mean it like that. It's a literal curse, from a spring in China. Whatever spring you fall into, you turn into whatever drowned there years ago when you're splashed with cold water. He just so happened to get duck.

[After trying to turn him and Akane into ducks. Karma's a bitch.]

[sos_pilot]

Wait... are you saying there are, like, multiple magical water spots that turn you into different things?

[catsgothistongue]

[Nod nod.]

There's like, a hundred of those springs at that place. It's easy to fall in or get punched in one if you don't know what you're doing.

[How else would so many things manage to drown there in the first place? Someone really should've installed railings or something forever ago...]

Pig, cat, panda, girl... Anything that can drown there to curse those spring for the next poor saps to fall in and get stuck dealing with it...

[ignorethefactthatoneofthecanonicalspringsissomehowanoctopus]

[sos_pilot]

Wh... why isn't that place closed off?! Or destroyed? That sounds insane! One oops and you can never take a normal bath again?! That's like a nightmare!

[ and yet.

she wants, so badly, to see it in action. ]

[catsgothistongue]

[Della...

He makes a face at the last statement. She has no idea...]

It isn't that bad. Cold water triggers the changes, so hot baths are still safe to take.

[Unless you're someone who primarily takes cold baths, in which case, you're flat out of luck.]

Can't say I disagree with you on the rest, though.

[sos_pilot]

[ He sounds like an expert on this...

... hm. wait a minute.

Flashback as she remembers the extremely hot water bottle he carried around when they first met.

Eyebrow raise. ]

... Sayyyy. Uh. Did you ever...?

[catsgothistongue]

[Ack! Mmmmmight've spilt more than he should've on that front. It's not like he cares much about keeping that part covert as he used to back home, so it isn't a biggie if she finds out. Still...]

Did I ever...?

[Eyebrow raising in tandem, though the cold sweat running down his brow is hard to miss. It's a bit lame to openly admit he got cursed in a stupid way!]

[sos_pilot]

... Make a trippy slippy?

[ To which she demonstrates by twirling her pointer fingers.

What kind of thing could he possibly turn into? Will he divulge the secret? ]

(1/2)

[catsgothistongue]

No!

(2/2)

[catsgothistongue]

[Beat]

... My old man sucker-punched me into one.

[So technically not a lie.]

[sos_pilot]

Ooooh boy.

[ Sucking in air through her teeth. Sometimes they have teeth, it flip-flops. ]

Did he at least apologize?

[catsgothistongue]

[what is disney duck anatomy??]

PFFFT-

[Ranma doubles over guffawing like Della just told the world's funniest joke. He has to wipe a tear from under his eye by the end of his laughing fit.]

As if! Pop'd rather do anything else than owning up to his stupidity. [That, and he was a panda. Couldn't mutter a single word, not that that changes anything.]

[sos_pilot]

Ah.

... Did you get him back and shove him into one? Because I definitely would have done that.

[ She's feeling like a better parent in comparison, at least? ]

[catsgothistongue]

[Della, you're LEAGUES above Genma Saotome in the good parent department.]

No. He got cursed before me. We went to China to train at this trainings ground Pop heard about that sounded really cool to him. Thing is, he didn't know how to speak Chinese, much less how to read a lick of it. So neither of us knew it was cursed 'till after I kicked him in one while sparring. He comes back out as giant panda, he's pissed off...

[Della can fill in the blanks what came next.]

[sos_pilot]

[ Well, she knows where Ranma's lack of brain cells comes from... but also, being a panda doesn't sound TOO bad. You're cute, sure, but you're also still a BEAR, which are pretty powerful. She has at least enough sense not to say these things. ]

... And given you've gone this far without saying what you turn into, I'm guessing you want to keep that secret.

... All right then! Consider it unknown. I won't ask about it, won't poke and prod, and won't ever bring it up again. You have my word.

[ of course she WANTS to know, but she's not going to rip apart Ranma's privacy for her own curiosity. ]

(1/2)

[catsgothistongue]

[... Y'know, that's more consideration for his right to privacy than most people've given him in his life. Whenever there's one secret or skeleton in his closet he'd rather remain buried deep, deep, deep down to the core of the earth, people can't help themselves making his business theirs. His well-being or concern be damned. It's honestly a little touching she's considering his thoughts in this...

... Screw it.]

Eh, it's cool. Most people I've known here found out about it already, it's an open secret at this point. Besides, you're gonna see it sooner or later. It isn't like this place is lacking in water. Just, give me a sec'.

[Ranma leaves the frame of his camera, disappearing entirely from view. It's really not a big deal to him anymore, anyway. He's had enough time to start treating it like most other things in his life with complete blasé.

When he returns, it's with a glass of water.]

It's better if I show you than try to explain it, so...

[Without further ado, he lifts the glass over his head, turning it over to let the contents spill out all over him.]