video;

[withermarked]

Type: Video
Sender ID: WitherMarked (Faulkner)
To: Public
Subject: Introductions, and a question
Warnings: trans healthcare/unaffordability thereof, mild references to mood swings/mental health issues, reference to history in a cult

[The video takes a moment to come into focus, before you see a young man wearing an awkward, lopsided grin as he seems satisfied with figuring out what buttons to push. He has soft features, freckles, and messy blond curls in a cut that looks suspiciously like a grown-out mullet. He looks friendly, if more than a bit stressed and sleep deprived. When he speaks he has a notable rural-American accent.]

Hey, folks. Name's Faulkner, and I'm new around here. As you can... probably see, I'm still getting used to all this electronic message business.

You sure we don't have to offer up a hosanna to the Wirebitten Child to keep using this stuff?

[There seems to be some sheepish humour there, leaning into how much he's not from around here, but some genuine confusion, too. He doesn't really believe people don't owe some kind of a higher power for their fancy tech.]

Anyway, I've got a question. Tried askin' uh, a friend here, but they didn't know. Does anyone here take... testosterone? Do you have that kind of treatment, here?

[More genuine uncertainty: there's both more and less technology than he's used to. Beyond being a little awkward, he doesn't seem concerned one way or the other about outing himself.]

It's weird enough getting used to a brand new world—could do without missin' my shot, too.

[A pause. He really would rather avoid that—his mood is shaky enough as it is.]

At least... if I'm gonna be able to afford it? I don't know how these things work, here. Haven't exactly gotten signed up for insurance.

[And he doesn't exactly have the Parish of Tide and Flesh here, with 'uncle' Mason and all his less than above-board deals with local doctors and pharmacies, taking care of the kids who joined the Trawler-man's faith in a way said kids couldn't find anywhere else.]

Comments

[ohwowzers]

Well, I guess what we call Pokemon everyone else calls “animals”? They’re the same thing, but also not really.

[Maybe he could show this guy his own Pokemon? But first he’s curious.]

Well, uh… I grew up in a small town, so there’s a lot of city stuff that I don’t know about. So uh… I wouldn’t mind learnin’ if you’re okay with talkin’ about it.

[withermarked]

I'm okay with talkin' about it.

[In fact, as he warms to the topic he gets a little less casual and a little more... intense? Like a storyteller. Or a preacher. Don't worry about it!]

Well, usually... usually, you know, when a kid is born, someone looks at that child and they say 'this is a boy—he will be a man, someday' or 'this is a girl—she will be a woman, someday.'

An' well—usually they're right. But sometimes they are not. And eventually that child... finds it in themself to say something.

[And you’ve always had courage, Rich. Ever since you were small. You were always brave enough to know what needed to change.]

And so they say: this thing is not who I am. This thing is... not who I shall ever be. I cannot be bound to this shape, this life you have planned for me.

[Then become something else, the Trawler-man says— no, that's not technically where he's going with this. But the lines fit, and they roll off the tongue out of habit, and Faulkner loves nothing if not being an allegory.]

So they become something else.

[ohwowzers]

[As Faulkner begins talking Kieran notices how his voice takes on a new cadence, one he usually hears coming from his grandfather when he tells stories. Or from the elders and Caretaker when they’re telling tales at Loyalty Plaza or Kitakami Hall. He finds him adjusting his back to sit up straighter, listening to each word.]

Then… what do they become?

[withermarked]

[He notices that, and something clenches in his chest just a little. Memories of his time as a novice, trying to pay attention in class as the Katabasians spoke. Or, later, being the one to speak.

It's fine. Everything's fine.]

Men or women, sometimes, just not whichever one people had expected of them. Or both, neither, something in between...

[And here he gives a shrug, dropping back to seeming a bit more casual.]

I'm a plain ol' man.

[ohwowzers]

[They way Faulkner had spoken sounded so profound and deep, so the admittance of being “a plain ol’ man” throws Kieran off, making him visibly blink in surprise. His brow knits in confusion as he ponders those words like a deep puzzle.]

Huh..?

[He tries to think, but he just isn’t getting it. There’s something here he’s missing.]

So you… grew up..?

[withermarked]

[Well, he supposes that's what he gets for trying to be a little bit funny. But the kid wants to understand, so he does his damnedest not to laugh.]

...Yes, I did. But not into what they expected of me. Not into a woman, a daughter, a sister.

[A small pause, before he decides to elaborate fully.]

They looked at me, and they said 'that's a girl', and my mother gave me a name that didn't fit, that chafed and itched and felt... wrong. My father bought me dresses.

[Well, a few. Having all older brothers worked out well in one respect.]

My brothers thought I was different from them, because I looked different from them.

Until one day I got up early and I cut my hair short with some kitchen scissors, and I put on my middle brother's old school uniform, the kind without a skirt, and I introduced myself to them all by a new name.

[Edward, Charles, Richard. A nice, matching set. He still thinks it was a fine choice.]

And I said: this is who I am, and who I henceforth shall be. A man, a son, a brother. I cannot fit into this life you had planned for me, but I can plan a life of my own.

[And then somewhere along the way he lost that ability to make his own choices like that, he doesn't say.

Of course, this probably isn't exactly how any of it happened anyway. Not exactly. But Faulkner likes a neat, tidy narrative. The kind they write about, later, when you're older, when you're someone worth writing about. When they cut out all the awkward bits.]

[ohwowzers]

[There it is, that toke that's more like a story or a sermon. Kieran listens carefully, trying to find out what he means.]

[Said 'that's a girl'... but who he's speaking to is a boy. That didn't make sense to Kieran. After all, he's speaking to a guy, isn't he? The way Faulkner describes it makes it sound like...]

[Hang on...]

[It takes a few seconds, but then Kieran's eyes widen like a thought strikes him.]

Wait, so... you were a girl..?

[That's... the only thing that makes sense here. And yet it doesn't. But it is..?]

[withermarked]

I was. Or at least, I looked like one and everythin'. Easy mistake.

[He sounds patient, if a touch amused.]

But I knew I wasn't. And sometimes, for people like us... if we aren't happy with what we look like, we change that.

There's--different things you can take, is one way. That different people make more of, usually. Testosterone's the one that makes you look, and sound, more... masculine. I've been takin' it for a few years now.

[His tone is more matter-of-fact, on this.]

[ohwowzers]

…you can do that??

[Honestly, that’s what’s confusing Kieran more than anything. After all, he’s grown up with the notion that there are boys and there are girls, and they grow up to be men and women. He never even knew it was possible to change from one gender to another.]

Wowzers… so, you takin’ testosterone makes you a guy, then? I didn’t even know you could do that…

[Was such a thing even possible back home? It’s something he’s gonna have to ask Professor Turo about, or even Drayton; as tricky as the dragon tamer was, he’s pretty knowledgeable.]

So… does that mean you’re feelin’ better now? Now that you take your medicine, that is?

[withermarked]

[For a moment he considers trying to explain that it's more being a guy might make you want to but he decides, you know what, close enough honestly.]

Yeah, I am. Helps with... a lot of things. Feelin' better about how I look, how my voice sounds.

[Except now he's remembering the last time someone commented on the voice, so maybe this isn't the best train of thought.]

And--other things. Hey, after all, seems like you didn't notice anything before I told you, huh?

[ohwowzers]

[Kieran shakes his head.]

No, I didn't. You sounded just like any other guy I'd meet.

[Though, now he's wondering something. He tilts his head.]

So then... do I call you a guy? Or do I call you trans? [He's not really sure how it works.]

[withermarked]

[Bait and flesh, was he ever this young? Must have been. This does get a chuckle.]

...Both? Trans is just--one of many facts about me. An adjective.

[He decides on an easy example and tugs at one of his curls.]

Like blonde. I am a guy. I'm also blonde. And trans.

[ohwowzers]

Oh, I think I get it.

[Kieran nods to himself, before offering a smile.]

It's somethin' I'm not really used to seein', but I think it makes sense. At least, the way you talked about it.

[withermarked]

Well, I'm glad it made sense. Can't speak to how it was for anyone else exactly... but that's the general idea.

[With more of a narrative than it probably required all things considered, but maybe that helped.]

[ohwowzers]

[Honestly, the narrative helped! With Kieran's love of stories and fables, it helped connect something in him. Though he brings a hand up to his chin in thought.]

Hmm... Then that means it's real important for you to get your medicine, yeah? You can ask Professor Turo if you want... or I could ask him. Plus, there's tons of magic shops around, maybe one could help ya?

[withermarked]

Yeah.

[For other reasons, too, but he's not in the mood to get into things quite that far.]

Maybe... I'm not used to 'magic' being quite as reliable for things like this, but we'll see I suppose. What's this professor's name on here?

[ohwowzers]

Ah, Professor Turo! At least, that's how I know 'im. He's real nice, I think he'd be able to help ya get the medicine you need.

[withermarked]

I meant is that his uh, his ID on the phones--?

[And he almost tries to hold up the phone in front of the camera which... is also the phone. Look, he's never really messed with tech much more complicated than a payphone. He's learning.]