002 🔥 TEXT - WANTED: WRITER

[headhunt]

Type: Text
Sender ID: headhunt (Karlach)
To: Public
Subject: WANTED: WRITER
Warnings: N/A

need a writer. the kind who can do the big swirly letters with a quill on the parchment.

will pay good coin for services rendered.

contact karlach.


( is she aware she can use the network for more than job postings? it's unclear. )

Comments

[headhunt]

( that makes her laugh. )

thought it might be a little crude to just draw two stick figures banging

( there's a pause before a real answer comes. )

don't you know anything about seduction?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Karlach please

this is me you're talking to

I know absolutely nothing about seduction

Up until two months ago I thought I was hideous

But now you've got me curious. I feel like we need to meet to compare notes.

[headhunt]

( another loud bark of a laugh is definitely enough to give away her current position on the quarterdeck of the ship. )

compare notes of what?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Did I say compare?

I meant "you give me yours"

[Listen, he's only half joking. He's...not doing too badly for himself lately.]

[Darin was doing some work down in the belly of the ship, checking supplies, making sure no pests got on board and went after any of the medicinal supplies. He heads on up once he's satisfied.]

So. Looking to court someone?

→ action

[headhunt]

No.

( karlach answers before looking up, quickly stashing her shellphone away. she greets darin with a little smile and a quick point in his direction. )

I am courting someone.

[ACTION]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wait, you are? Since when?! Karlach, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you!

[Darin desperately wants to close the gap and give the larger woman a big hug but...well, that would end poorly for him. Even though he would survive, he'd rather not taint this great news with a trip to the burn ward.]

...Wait, so if you're already going out, why the hell do you need a letter?

[He crosses his arms and leans on the nearest available surface.]

...Is there a whole thing about dating I've never heard of?

[headhunt]

( karlach quickly waves a hand in the air. )

Courting's the part before dating. Before you make it official.

( then she grins. darin already has the answer as to the "why". )

Tell me what my message on your shellphone said.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wait, you mean they're not the same thing??

[Darin...looks genuinely shocked.]

And yeah, I know what your message said but...

...Are you supposed to declare that? Like a writ of notice? Or intent?

Oh gods is that the sort of thing you have notarized??

[headhunt]

( she's already laughing by the time he asks if he's supposed to make an official declaration, gripping onto the ship's railing to keep herself steady. )

Gods—haha! What do you imagine I'm going to write?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Darin considers this question.]

"I, Karlach Cliffgate, henceforth referred to in this writ as Kanoodler, do hereby declare my intent to bed you, henceforth referred to in this writ as Kanoodlee. Upon acceptance of this missive, the Kanoodler will dictate the time and location where they might engage the Kanoodlee in intimate dealings not limited to..."

And then you list all of the stuff you wanna do.

[headhunt]

You know I wouldn't be saying "kanoodling".

( a pointed look.

but then she thinks about it for a little longer. )

. . .Would that be "fucker" and "fuckee"?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I was trying to be polite. I'm a gentleman. I save the really good swears for the bedroom.

[And then he drops the pretext because this line of thinking is too funny to not explore.]

Okay, but I feel calling yourself "Fucker" in a notarized missive might be a hard sell. Comes on strong. There's gotta be a good middle ground.

[headhunt]

( if darin hadn't changed the subject, karlach might have taken them down a completely different conversational path. particularly about saving the "good" swears for the bedroom. )

If you write it fancy enough, you can say anything.

( warning: citation needed. )

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Listen, she can always circle back.]

I'm pretty sure you, of all people, can say whatever you want and no one will stop you.

So, who's the lucky recipient? And how come you want to write something? You usually don't have any trouble just...putting it all out there. Honestly, one of my favorite things about you.

[headhunt]

It's about seduction.

( karlach reminds him with a smile and a dramatic flourish as she retrieves her shellphone again. )

Not looking to tell him how I feel. ( quick wave of the hand. ) He already knows.

( truly, it would be an impressive feat for him to not be aware. )

He's a fancy guy. Writing him a fancy letter is gonna get him hot and bothered.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Well...I don't know a single thing about being seductive...

But I think I'm pretty good with words. What's so fancy about him? Tell me about him!

[Darin hops up on the railing and leans forward with an eager grin.]

[headhunt]

( she laughs, warm and friendly. )

No shit.

( then she makes a motion to beckon him forward. )

C'mere.

( it takes a moment for her to swipe through a large swatch of completely inappropriate photographs before she lands on the inappropriate photo that she's willing to offer of her object of interest. )

This guy.

( karlach says as she turns her phone around to show darin the photo. )