EGGSPOSURE THERAPY ACT I | [VIDEO]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Ivo Robotnik)
To: Public
Subject: AMA
Warnings: Megalomania

[The feed begins with Eggman sitting at what appears to be a console facing the camera. He's routed his shellphone camera into one of his Buzzbomber Radniks, giving a much more dynamic view of his quickly expanding warehouse and base of operations. The good doctor has wasted no time and appears to be well in production of not just Radniks, but other experiments and tools using the strange magic and technology found on this world. Anyone who knows him well may be alarmed. But if you don't, he just looks industrious.]

[Once the feed starts, he stands and begins to dramatically move about the room, arms clasped behind his back.]

Good day my fellow Riftfarers!

I have been here for several months now and it has come to my attention that several denizens of my world have made it their mission to inform the public of my er...proclivities. As such, I have thought long and hard about what this means and how to move forward.

[As he speaks, he gesticulates with one arm in sweeping, grand gestures.]

As such, I have decided that it is important, in the spirit of transparency that I make my past known. Yes, it is true that I, the Great Dr. Ivo Robotnik, have sought to conquer my world more than a few number of times. However, I have agreed to be on my...best behavior while I remain a tenant of this washed out world and such, I would like to extend the proverbial olive branch. You see, some Hedgehogs who shall remain nameless unless their name is Sonic, seem to believe I have the propensity for good.

Now, in the spirit of this newfound...charitability I wish to point out that any Radniks I have sold to you or anyone else are not dangerous. This has been verified by trusted sources but if you would like to investigate for yourselves? Well, I have nothing to hide.

Which brings me nicely to the reason for this broadcast!

[Eggman snaps, and a graphic appears on the screen.]



If transparency is the name of the game, I thought it would be a fun little exercise in trust! All questions are valid though I will get some of the easier ones out of the way first.

[Ahem.]

My name is Dr. Ivo Robotnik, but I have allowed others to call me Eggman. It was an insulting moniker I have chosen to adopt, thus robbing it of its power over me. As for my general interests? Robotics, mad science, engineering, aeronautics, and theme parks.

The floor is yours and I eagerly await your questions.

Comments

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[multidisciplinary]

[ There are so many alarming statements in here that Zelda isn't even sure which one to start with. Isn't "moral and ethical fiber" kind of a crucial component to scientific experimentation???

Normally Zelda would switch her method of communication to match whoever she's speaking with... but in this case, maybe she should keep her voice and face to herself for now. ]

Weapons of potential mass destruction? To what scope are you defining 'mass?'

[ Would you liken that to, say, a gigantic mechanical bird carpet bombing countless monsters across a frozen mountain range? ]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Another interesting quantifier! When discussing 'mass destruction' it naturally applies to the masses at large, correct? Something capable of decimating a population! Reducing landmasses to smoking craters! Blocking out the sun in the sky!

The bigger and more dramatic the better, obviously!

But, and this is a fun little wordplay I like to use being a genius and all, 'mass' also refers to objects as a whole. The space with which an object occupies. Therefore 'mass destruction' can also infer the destruction of any sizable mass. A country, a mountain, a moon!

My advice? [He snaps.]

Dream big! The more you want to destroy, the harder you'll have to innovate!

[multidisciplinary]

[ Decimating a population, reducing landmasses to smoking craters, blocking out the sun... These all sound like things the Divine Beasts would be capable of doing.

(Maybe it's for the best that they've been deactivated and buried again...) ]

A moon? I can understand innovation to such an extent for the pursuit of scientific discovery, but what practical applications are available to a weapon capable of destroying a moon?

[ Because you wouldn't... actually destroy a moon.... right? That thing that, you know, controls the tides and plays a crucial role in a world's ability to support life as a whole? ]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Well discovery's fun and all but sometimes there's just something you don't like and you want to remove it. Sometimes that thing is a person or a mountain or a moon.

Honestly, you shouldn't restrict yourself to practical applications! Think about it: every great discovery was called "impractical" by some empty-headed naysayer until someone figured out how to make it "practical!"

If we stopped at practical applications, we wouldn't have flight, would we?

[multidisciplinary]

[ Come to think of it, there was a certain moon that Zelda would've wanted to remove from existence... But fortunately, the defeat of Calamity Ganon also meant the end of the Blood Moon. No need to task Purah and Robbie with developing moon-destroying technology.

But we're not going to think about destroying moons anymore! ]

Are there people in your homeworld that genuinely believe flight is impractical? That's absurd. I recognize that not every world is home to avian folk like my own, but you need only look at common birds or even insects to recognize that flight offers significant advantages over ground- or water-travel!

[reneggadetinkerer]

Exactly! And don't scientists have an obligation to give themselves and the people they work for every advantage??

[It's just that, in Eggman's case, the only one benefiting from an advantage is him.]

Unfortunately, some people are happy with the status quo. Which is where I come in. I do so love a good shake-up!

[multidisciplinary]

[ The phrase "the people they work for" should probably alarm Zelda. But she's hearing "the people" and thinking about people as a whole and it makes what Eggman's saying sound a lot more altruistic than it actually is. (In that, it's the exact opposite of altruistic.) ]

Honestly, I have to agree. No matter what the status quo is, there is always room for innovation and improvement. In my homeland, I am funding several teams to research the remnants of ancient technology left behind by long lost civilizations. These ancient peoples were far more technologically advanced than we are in the modern era.

[reneggadetinkerer]

"Funding," you say??

Well, color me intrigued!

You see, I've also dabbled in researching ancient civilizations! They often bury some of their more useful and powerful artifacts, a trend that I've noticed sadly continues in this very world!

I've been waylaid by rebuilding myself from scratch, forced to make ends meet by creating and selling personal automaton assistants. Perhaps you've seen my Radniks around?

[He waves a hand quickly and dismissively.]

That's besides the point! If you're still open to funding, I could certainly use the backing. I've been rather interested in the relics of this world and how they're linked to the leviathans themselves! Why, I'm currently designing a submersible to better scour the depths of this world!

[multidisciplinary]

[ On the one hand, a submersible that can explore the depths of this world sounds EXTREMELY COOL.

On the other hand, Zelda has some misgivings that Eggman wouldn't make other, shall we say, mad additions to this submersible. ]

I'm afraid I too live by limited means in this realm. My earnings cover my cost of living with little left over. You'll have to find another benefactor.

[ Purposefully refraining from mentioning her absurdly wealthy boyfriend. Zelda has learned that lesson. ]

Have you learned much about the connection between this world's relics and its leviathans? I've wondered at their relationship myself.

[ Come on, Eggman, share your research notes. ]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Pah! Well, it was worth a shot. Why, if I had the funds necessary, I wouldn't need to peddle my Radniks any longer.

[Though, the follow-up question does catch his attention.]

Very little. Only that this world wasn't always so waterlogged and flooded and there appeared to be other races or creatures inhabiting the surface. Unfortunately, every time I come close to obtaining a relic, someone steals it from me!