small question

[obliviscere]

Type: Text
Sender ID: obliviscere (Namine)
To: everyone!
Subject: Question
Warnings: None

This might be a very personal question to ask like this, so nobody needs to feel like they have to answer but...

I was wondering if anyone's ever had a power that they've been uncomfortable with? How did you get over it? Do you think powers that do 'bad' things can be good?

Just curious! And also not related to that but I'd like to make some care packages for those islands in need. Any suggests for good food for them?

Comments

cw: talk of death and unintentional killing

[sunbursted]

[ there's a long pause here, like keyleth is ignoring the conversation, but eventually a reply comes and it becomes clear that she was just trying to figure out how to word her statements. ]

I have a spell called Grasping Vine. It creates a vine attached to some solid object and that vine can wrap around things. I can reinforce supports or tug people or things towards the base of the vine. When I was still very early on my journey, I tried to pull someone away from danger, away from someone else who had them trapped. I didn't think about what I was doing and I ended up killing the person I was trying to save. It really wrecked me. It impacted my Aramenté, my journey, for a long, long time. I couldn't focus. I split away from the people I'd met and went off on my own to try to deal with it.

I've spent... longer than I want to admit thinking about it, trying to make up for it. And I think that's part of it. We'll never really feel like it's enough. But we have to keep trying because if we give up or we think we've finally made up for it, that's when we risk doing it again.

So whatever happened to you, whatever it was that you did, I'm sorry you're going through it. But I think because you're still trying to make up for it, that means you're on the right path. It means you're still a good person. And maybe your powers can be used better. Like my grasping vine.

[obliviscere]

I think it's good you tried to make sure that didn't happen again. But... I'm not sure you should have been that hard on yourself. You were trying to save them, you didn't have any way of knowing it might go wrong...

Thank you. Really that means a lot. I... I used my powers to alter someone's memory. I was kept alone, without anyone but the Organization and I didn't want to be alone anymore. They had a plan, a really bad one, and I was the only one that could do it with my powers. When I realized how bad they were and how bad it was, I tried to help him. I've kept trying to help him ever since. But it never feels like enough to make up for that.

[sunbursted]

I could have wrapped that vine around any other part of their body except the one I chose.

[ she will probably always beat herself up for that one. so many things she could have done differently and it still feels like her fault. she had wanted to save them. instead... she hadn't. ]

A friend of mine has that power. It's... I probably don't know everything he's done with it. I think he has used it for good, but he's also done some terrible things with it. And you're showing a lot more remorse for it than he does. So I think that speaks towards your character.

And maybe there's a good way to use that power, but it's one of those that has very specific uses. Like returning lost memories or easing pain. I don't know. But I know you're not a bad person for what you did. But you're a better person for what you're doing now.

[obliviscere]

I imagine it's hard to think of that in the moment. It feels like something that only comes with experience?

[ and maybe that just means there has to be problems like that, to learn. ]

I think I might always feel bad about what I did with them. Even if everyone else has forgiven me.

Those sound like really good things I could do. Maybe I'll see if I can learn it somehow. Than you.

[sunbursted]

Maybe. But no one should have had to die for that lesson.

[ it sucks... either way it just sucks. keyleth won't forgive herself for it. or for the other one. ]

I hope it helps you. Maybe we both can find some comfort somehow.

[obliviscere]

No, that's true.

It did help a lot, thank you. I think if there's any place we can find some it might be here.