(no subject)

[subigito]

Type: Text
Sender ID: anonymous (Astarion)
To: General Public
Subject: The Rifts
Warnings: None

What is even the point of becoming close to anyone here, if they can all just leave as quickly as they came?

Oh, sure, let's all play our little games and finish our silly little quests and feel this sense of camaraderie working towards a goal we all damn well know is unaccomplishable. And along the way, we can learn the magic of friendship only to have it taken away by the Rifts without any further explanation.

It would be nicer to believe we were being held to the whims of some vengeful god instead of the unfeeling randomness of the Rifts and their "unknowable" magic.

Then, at least, there would be someone to curse for the cruelty of it.

Comments

[subigito]

It was rather nice. But that just makes it that much worse that he's gone!

[ramuhs]

Maybe it hits different for someone who is immortal, but for us humans that's just how it goes.

We have to take those risks or we'll lose out. Once we die, we don't get those chances back. So that's why when we find people we like, we learn to value whatever time they can afford us, and then we learn to hold those memories after they're gone.

It's like that saying: better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all.

Granted some are more difficult than others, but there's no one size fits all answer to loss and grief.

[subigito]

That's a perfectly nice sentiment for a human, when your lives are so short.

[ It's just a deflection, though. That's not really what this is about. This is really about the face he so rarely opens up to anyone, that he's been able to have friends like this. The unfairness of it all, when fair is a thing he thought he'd let go of a long, long time ago. If it sounds childish, it's because it is. ]

I don't want to feel like this every time I lose someone.

[ it's hard ]

[ramuhs]

[Well you're only option is to not make any new friends—is something he has to bite back because that's not helpful. At all.]

I know. Wish I could say it gets easier, but it never does. Lost more friends and allies than I can count over the years.

[Loved ones. But not mentioning that—]

[subigito]

That's not an encouraging prospect.

[ramuhs]

[The dry laugh he just gave.]

It's not I admit. But it's the truth. How you handle it is up to you.

My advice is to try and accept that pain will happen. But you shouldn't let it make you lose out on the joys and love you could also have. It'll take a bit, but those good memories will outweigh the bad. Not to mention you still gain something from it in the present, and the new joys from new relationships could help ease the pain of the one you lost. Not replace, but build onto it.

[subigito]

[ Cid always has like good advice why!!! this is too weird he's a total stranger

So, look, Astarion is going to do the logical (citation needed) thing here and prod at what he's saying ]

You always seem to know what to say. Did you lose someone you loved?

[ramuhs]

[....Hah. There's a small delay before he answers.]

Many.

[Yeah he definitely deflected.]

[subigito]

That answer isn't as clever as you seem to think.

[ramuhs]

[That gets a small laugh.]

What can I say, I loved a lot of people in my life. Family, friends.

Lover.

[There, Mysterious Immortal Ocean Guy, the answer you wanted.

...Well, maybe it would be good for Cid to talk a little about this, too. But only a little. He's still not going to say much.]

For some context, in my world wars are still an ongoing thing and I myself served for a large part of my life. Had a lot of good friends die in front of me, to the point you'd think I'd be numb to it or not bother try making those connections anymore.

[subigito]

[ Gods he wants to ask about that very conspicuous lover comment so bad. Truly the low hanging fruit here. ]

What makes you do it? Did you ever fall in love again?

[ramuhs]

Good question. Could be because I'm more of optimistic people person. There was a time when I was younger when I tried to keep myself distant, thinking it would be easier. But I preferred having the connections, the camaraderie. Couldn't handle the loneliness.

Instead, I learned that not knowing if I would see them the next day is what made me appreciate their existence more, and I realized they felt the same. Having others to fall back on made the passings a little easier, too, especially when there were others who felt the same.

There were worse times, of course. People who left bigger holes that could never be filled again. Those are more difficult to move on from, but I forced myself to. Told myself, "I'm alive, they're not. I can still move towards my dreams, but they can't." No point in wasting the chances I still have, especially if it meant I could continue fulfilling the ones left behind.

As to your other question—no. Didn't want to, and even if I did, didn't have the time.

[subigito]

That's sweet. Optimistic and naïve, but sweet.

And yet you don't seem to hold that same optimism when it comes to your own pleasure. You'll live for those you've lost, but not yourself?

[ramuhs]

Have to be a little optimistic and naïve to get through life sometimes.

But my situation is a bit more complicated.

[Ha ha ha ha ha understatement of the century.]

[subigito]

Well don't stop now, go on!

[ ffxvi spoilerish ]

[ramuhs]

[Hah. He can't help but chuckle at his little immortal(?) friend.

There will be a moment as Cid considers how much to say, how much to tell. He's already said more to anyone else, even more than to the people he knows from his own world here. Could he truly trust a stranger?

Then again, this stranger has already shared much of their secrets.]

We had a falling out years ago — differences in opinion, you could say. A part of me hoped she would change her mind, but she had made her choice and she died for it.

[And then there's a small pause before another message comes through.]

( spoiler )

I died not long after.

[...SURPRISE??]

[subigito]

[ Well that wasn't what he was expecting ]

Well, yes, I could see how that would rather put a damper on things.

[ramuhs]

Taking it better than I expected. Little disappointed.

just renewing that spoiler warn for you + one for me

[subigito]

Were you hoping I'd be upset? Whoever would have mourned you already did, and you're obviously perfectly fine now. More than fine, optimistic, even! Everyone else here seems to think that's the key to living, so apparently, you've checked all the boxes.

All you need to do now is make sure that when all the do-gooders who are here find whatever fount of magic brought us here that they don't accidentally send us all home. Waking up in a grave is never fun.

[ramuhs]

A little more surprise and questions, perhaps, but then again you've lived long enough. Talking to the dead must not be so surprising where you're from if they walk.

Though you also sound as if you had experience.

[subigito]

My home has all manner of undead. Sometimes people just don't die like they're suppose to.

And, see, that's really the irony of all of this insistence. One can't really be asked to "live" if they aren't living in the first place.

[ramuhs]

I suppose the akashic of my world would be the closest thing of being undead, though not sure if it's worse.

And if you mean "breathing with a beating heart" then you're right. But being "alive" is much more than that.

[subigito]

What is that? "Akashic"?

[ He's seen that word before. From a angry woman scorned by a man who did not love her back, a man who betrayed her. A word special to her world--and his world, and Astarion does not think this is really a coincidence. ]

I suppose so.

[ramuhs]

It's what happens when a living being is completely consumed by aether, the energy or source of our magic. Once you turn, you lose all your sense of will, mind, and consciousnesses, moving only by instinct to kill or destroy whatever is in your way. There's debate on whether the person is really alive anymore, but personally I'd hope they're dead. No way to live, that. And there's no turning back.

[subigito]

That does not sound particularly pleasant, no. It seems like the only thing for it would be to hope for a mercy killing.