Video | Parents Suck~

[nutsornothing]

Type: Video
Sender ID: nutsornothing
To: Public
Subject: Why do parents suck so much?
Warnings: Mentions of death.

I'm back. Did ya miss me?
 

[Standing upon the water's edge of Eltrut's beach, Denji can be found skipping rocks into the depths of the ocean proper. His focus on the crashing waves with his bare feet absorbed by the rushing waters, a stoic expression washed over his features as he sighs solemnly.]
 

So who else had shitty parents growing up, huh?
 

[A small pause before tossing another rock into the sea, plopping himself down onto the ground before turning his full attention towards the feed.]
 

I don't remember much about my mom she died when I was real young from a heart condition but at least she wasn't around to see how big of a prick my dad turned out to be. He was a real piece of crap all my life until he crooked and left me with his problems too. 
 

[Denji wasn't about to tell the masses what actually happened to his father after finding out none too recently but that was besides the point here. A half amused burst of laughter erupts as he tries to lighten the mood a bit grinning fiendishly.]
 

I can't be the only one around here with an asshole for a parent so what's all your stories?

Comments

text [private]

[emet_sulk]

I'm sure my children all considered me to be a terrible parent, over the ages that I had them.

Video; Private

[nutsornothing]

[Denji cannot help but blink wide in shock with a shake of his head.]

Nah there's no way dude! They can't all think you're bad, right!?

[Tilting his head a bit with a curious look scrunching his nose up.]

What'd you do to make them think like that anyways?

[emet_sulk]

I was not a particularly attentive parent. Some of the few children whom I did dote on died young as well.

[nutsornothing]

Kinda sounds like my dad but you couldn't ever be as shitty as that asshole. At least you didn't try and kill your own kids...right?!

[RIGHT, EMET!?]

[emet_sulk]

[ ... ]

Not deliberately.

[nutsornothing]

[Cue the blank stare on his face blinking wide eyed.]

So...You did kill your kids?

[emet_sulk]

I didn't raise the knife and kill them. They fell victim to mortal afflictions like sickness, old age, natural disasters - or yes, murder.

[nutsornothing]

Damn dude that's rough. Guess that's what happens though when you're basically a God or whatever, right?

[emet_sulk]

I will assume you meant to imply that I would naturally observe their deaths due to my own longevity and not that it is somehow my fault.

[nutsornothing]

I mean...Sure I guess? If you actually cared about your kids unlike my deadbeat dad why wouldn't ya wanna be with them, right?

[emet_sulk]

[ That elicits some mixed feelings in him. ]

Unfortunately, the peoples of my star have chosen to reject peaceful longevity in favour of indefinite suffering. So the only way I may join anyone now is through death.

[nutsornothing]

[The more they talk about this the more Denji is getting confused as he stares towards the feed with a deadpan expression.]

Oh...Well that's awkward I guess. Why would anyone choose to be miserable as hell for the rest of their lives...Well. I mean, I guess they are dead but yeah still!

[emet_sulk]

[ Emet-Selch realises perhaps that this is a bit too heavy a topic for such a happy-go-lucky boy.

He sighs to himself before he responds. ]

Nevermind. 'Tis not something you need worry about. Just some lingering resentment from an old man.

I would like the children I have to not need fear death. That's all.

[nutsornothing]

Don't worry, Emet! I'm not afraid of dying that's already happened to me twice!

[Is Denji basically calling you a father figure, Emet? Maybe, maybe not.]

[emet_sulk]

[ He-- What. What does he even say here? ]

That's...wonderful. Try not to die a thrice. I still have to make that television for you.

[nutsornothing]

[He's still super pumped over that prospect as the boy raises his hands high to the sky with closed fists laughing hysterically nodding eagerly.]

Hell yeah!! I can't wait to watch movies on that thing you'll get to test it out first obviously I hope you like kung fu movies!

[Whirling closed fists through the air followed up by a high kick ushering out a loud hiya!]

I'll do my best but no promises seems like everyone wants a piece of me lately.

[emet_sulk]

What do you mean by that? You're being targeted?

And what is 'kung fu'?

[nutsornothing]

Oh uh, kinda? I guess? Just been getting into some deep shit lately that might have some creeps coming after me if they find out it was me...

[A wave of his hand given in dismissal as the boy grins confidently.]

But it's all good! Nothing I can't handle they're all just a bunch of weaklings!

[A brief pause before taking the crane pose in a show of strength.]

It's a kick ass fighting style that is popular in movies back where I am from where the hero beats the crap outta the bad guys and saves the day! Kinda like me...Except with chainsaws!

[emet_sulk]

[ He tries to visualise a 'kick ass' fighting style combined with chainsaws. Horrifying. Like Grynewaht but worse. ]

Something akin to a monk, then. I see. Does the movie you gave me feature one with chainsaws then?

[nutsornothing]

Uh- Monks are usually pretty peaceful my dude, right? Like super religious and shit I don't think they would be throwing haymakers?!

[Shaking his head with a burst of chaotic laughter, Denji dawning a wide mouthed toothy grin in response to the chainsaw bit.]

Nah but that would be super badass!! If I could do kung fu in my hybrid form that would be fuckin' epic!!

[emet_sulk]

While the discipline has evolved over time, monks of the modern era are - or rather, traditionally were - adherents to a particular god known as Rhalgr. They would meditate and cultivate their bodies, honing their strength by opening 'chakras'. A monk of Rhalgr, with all their chakras opened, was a formiddable opponent to meet.

So, yes, they could throw a haymaker and put you on the chirurgeon's table for a week if they so wished. I look forward to seeing how this kung fu compares.

[nutsornothing]

Uh...Who's this Rhalgar dude?! Is he some sorta super powered monk who can punch through walls and shit?! That be so sick!!

[Raising his fists to the sky excitedly Denji simply cannot wait to watch TV again.]

It's gonna be a blast I can't wait!

[emet_sulk]

Rhalgr is one of the twelve gods of Eorzea. And yes, I suppose he is a 'super powered monk who can punch through walls and shit'.

[ Sorry not sorry, Rhalgr. You chose that image! ]

[nutsornothing]

Damn that sounds super awesome!! So can you teach me how to do that too!?

[If Denji could do that while simultaneously pulling off his hybrid form he'd surely be an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. Not that he wasn't already but no one would be able to stand up to him after that!]

[emet_sulk]

I'm a mage, not a pugilist. I can teach you sword or stave but not the way of the fist.

Besides which, I suspect you may not have the patience or discipline to master monkhood.