Scrambled Egg Zone Act I

[reneggadetinkerer]

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Robotnik)
To: General Public
Subject: Introductions
Warnings: ~THEATRICS~

[The first thing you might notice on the screen is a bulbous pink nose. A nose from under which a massive, aburn, magnificent mustache extends off to either side like the bristles of two enormous brushes. Only then might you notice the glint of dark spectacles completely enshrouding the eyes of the one beginning this broadcast. As he pulls his shellphone away, you get the full picture; a rotund man that simply exudes the aura of a mad genius.]

Attention! As loathsome as it is to admit this, I appear to be stranded on this overly moist macrocosm like the rest of you. The accommodations I've found myself in are abhorrent, frankly, and I refuse to live like a deckswab. As such, I'm taking it upon myself to begin searching for more appropriate facilities so that I might continue my work. If anyone out there knows of any...let's say...recently vacated warehouses or factories...or, better yet, an island that I may lay claim to as my own, I can repay you with the knowledge that you've helped secure the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik a place where he can properly work. For the betterment of...everyone.

Apparently. Pah.

Oh, and if there's anyone out there versed in this "magitech" I keep hearing about, make yourself known! I'll have you disclose your findings so that I might better ascertain the nature of this technological power. Better yet, if you have anything worth disassembling, bring it to me.

But don't expect compensation!

Comments

[makoglow]

Maybe some of us just don't like self-proclaimed genius that says betterment for everyone but really mean betterment for himself.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Making a lot of assumptions, aren't we?

But very well, let me ask you this. What would benefit the riftfarers most at this point in time?

[makoglow]

You're already trying to get out of working your way up like everyone else. Then you ask for things without giving anything back. I'd say it's less assumption than you think.

[ He's calling the guy a selfish asshole. ]

Go to the MANTA office and find out for yourself what people around here need. You're not going to understand the situation until you really get out there anyway.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Bit of a hypocrite, aren't you? You're extolling the virtues of finding out what the people need and yet you won't offer up a suitable answer yourself?

Why read off of a sheet of paper when I can poll the people directly? Efficiency is the name of the game when it comes to...ah...helping people, isn't it?

[makoglow]

Asking without understanding isn't efficient.

[ It won't have any meaning? ]

I run a delivery business. People tell me what they want and I'll get it. They tell me where they need something to go and I make sure it gets there. And if I happen to come across someone that needs help, I stop what I'm doing and do what they need instead.

[ He's a jrpg protag what more do you want from him? Cloud doesn't ask people what they need. They just tell him. Whether he wants to hear it or not. ]

[reneggadetinkerer]

So you're a gofer. An errand boy. Majestic.

Very well, gofer boy, I imagine you've heard your fair share of woes while going about your mundanity. Surely someone has expressed the need for a technological marvel to make their life easier?

Perhaps there's even something you could use.

Like, oh...I don't know. A cart? With wheels?

[makoglow]

You say that as if I'm ashamed of the fact.

[ Because he's not. Meet him alone in a dark alley at some point, sir, and he might gofer his sword. ]

Already working on a motorbike, thanks but no thanks. What I need is for people to stop being greedy assholes for just a couple of months. Don't suppose you can do something about that. It would benefit everyone.

[reneggadetinkerer]

A motorbike you say? Well, now we're talking!

Though, not many long stretches of road around here. I don't suppose you've thought about making it potentially sea-worthy have you?

[makoglow]

Wouldn't be very helpful otherwise.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Ah, fair enough. But, I must ask...how do you plan to make it seaworthy? Do you intend to ride atop the waves or above it?

I have experience in aircraft, you know. My Eggpod was my own means of personal conveyance back home.

[makoglow]

Above was the idea. Mostly.

[ Though, really, it had been something that he had been talking to Emet-Selch about. If it's something he actually needs. Nimona is more than content flying him around. ]

Not sure how I feel about anything that has the word "egg" in it being reliable.

[reneggadetinkerer]

I assure you, anything and everything I build is of the utmost quality. Why, I've built dozens of automatons that still function long after they've been sent to the scrapyard.

The "Dr. Robotnik Seal of Quality," essentially.