Scrambled Egg Zone Act I

[reneggadetinkerer]

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Robotnik)
To: General Public
Subject: Introductions
Warnings: ~THEATRICS~

[The first thing you might notice on the screen is a bulbous pink nose. A nose from under which a massive, aburn, magnificent mustache extends off to either side like the bristles of two enormous brushes. Only then might you notice the glint of dark spectacles completely enshrouding the eyes of the one beginning this broadcast. As he pulls his shellphone away, you get the full picture; a rotund man that simply exudes the aura of a mad genius.]

Attention! As loathsome as it is to admit this, I appear to be stranded on this overly moist macrocosm like the rest of you. The accommodations I've found myself in are abhorrent, frankly, and I refuse to live like a deckswab. As such, I'm taking it upon myself to begin searching for more appropriate facilities so that I might continue my work. If anyone out there knows of any...let's say...recently vacated warehouses or factories...or, better yet, an island that I may lay claim to as my own, I can repay you with the knowledge that you've helped secure the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik a place where he can properly work. For the betterment of...everyone.

Apparently. Pah.

Oh, and if there's anyone out there versed in this "magitech" I keep hearing about, make yourself known! I'll have you disclose your findings so that I might better ascertain the nature of this technological power. Better yet, if you have anything worth disassembling, bring it to me.

But don't expect compensation!

Comments

video - un: spinsandneedles

[spinsandneedles]

[What's up, scrub! It's your favorite blue menace, already looking fed up with Eggman's antics.]

Y'know, when you ask people for help, being polite usually nets you better results. Some pleases and thank you's can take you a long way.

[This is like Kindergarten stuff bro, come on.]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Oh where are my manners?? [Ahem]

If you would so kindly, please refrain from existing in a space where I can perceive you!

And what in the world thinks I would ever offer up a word of thanks for something that should be a given?

[spinsandneedles]

See, what wasn't so hard, was it? Now next time use it on someone who doesn't know your reputation, and it just might work!

It seems like the problem is that you think these people owe you. None of these people owe us anything, you might just have to earn yourself an island through good deeds.

video; un:catsgothistongue

[catsgothistongue]

... You know this place has apartments you can hunker down in?

[Can't believe he has to tell someone else that given he himself needed to be told the same thing.]

[reneggadetinkerer]

I'm aware. Where do you think I'm currently staying? Have you seen these woeful excuses for housing? What I want a proper place where I can work.

🖕nunya🖕

[telepathicignorance]

Hard pass.

(Is this guy even for real? The Catastrofiend has better manners.)

[reneggadetinkerer]

If you're not going to be helpful, why bother responding?

video // un:bountyfull

[bountyfull]

You know, there's a saying that says you catch more flies with honey.

[ HE'S A HELPER. ]

[reneggadetinkerer]

I'm aware of the idiom. But you see, I much prefer glue traps.

Or, at the very least, an enormous robotic venus flytrap with pneumatic jaws.

And perhaps a laser or three. You know, as a treat.

video; un: angellust

[angellust]

[hello, funny man. there is a very strange-looking spidery creature staring into the camera]

When you say "the betterment for everyone," [he makes air quotes with his upper hands. the lower pair are folded under his chest] who do ya mean by everyone? 'cause, like, yer gonna be the only one livin' in a bigger place, right?

[reneggadetinkerer]

Oh, this has nothing to do with my pathetic accommodations. You see, any advancements I make in the field of this magitech will naturally benefit the rest of the riftfarers.

[Assuming, of course, he decides to be benevolent. Which is very unlikely.]

Voice | un: wherethereislight

[wherethereislight]

[Oh. He just had to be here too?] What you have is enough. [Hear that? Sounds like the wind in the background. He's going around trying to figure out where the Doctor is currently bunkering.]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Ah, Shadow. Sonic let slip that you were here. I'm afraid you won't be getting the drop on me that easily.

I took the liberty of making sure this little device does not broadcast my location.

voice; un: makoglow

[makoglow]

How about you try your hand at being a deckswab and earn it.

[reneggadetinkerer]

And waste my genius? I'd sooner build a deckswab out of garbage and rent it.

Honestly, you all make it sound like I'm not working my shell off.

Video | id: fractales

[fractales]

You may have to maintain some life as a deckswab to find yourself with the right direction in locating any of those things, especially an island of your own.

[A polite enough tone from the man in a labcoat and turtleneck, actively taking the shellphone up from something short that had been holding it; something with brightly glowing LED eyes staring from over his shoulder as he moved.]

It certainly has done well for me.

[reneggadetinkerer]

[Now this is interesting.]

[Eggman clears his throat.]

Judging by your attire, can I assume that you are a person of science?

[He'll ask about whatever was holding the shellphone momentarily. At least with another scientific mind in play, he can sate his curiosity and ease back on the theatrics.]

video; thearchangel

[thearchangel]

You... want to buy an island?

A whole island? Have you seen what passes for islands, here?

[reneggadetinkerer]

I don't recall using the term "buy," no.

video; un: paradisea

[empyrean_mirror]

[Sir if you try to dismantle Mehrak you're gonna get a claymore to the face.]

...I believe you can exchange money for the deed to an island...?

[He's not even sure where to start with this.]

[reneggadetinkerer]

Money to whom? Who owns an undeveloped island?

Do I need to pay for the air I breathe?

un; perfpilot, video

[sos_pilot]

[ Does she even need to say anything? Looks like everyone else has got it covered. So, for the moment, she enjoys the lectures he's been getting.

Eventually she decides to go in, amused all the while. ]

Fantastic first impression, doc. You do a swell job of makin' em.

I won't tell you what everyone else has probably done a billion times already, so, instead? Lemme try something different.

What's the craziest thing you've ever built?

[reneggadetinkerer]

[Guh. It's her.]

Define 'crazy.'

video | octoblot

[octoblot]

[Wow, you really are just swinging right out of the gate with this villainous-sounding introduction, huh... good thing Azul finds it a little amusing, at least.

But, he manages to hide his amusement with an expression of disappointment, because--]

No compensation, huh? That's a shame: unfortunately, while I am normally happy to help any unfortunate souls in need, I'm a firm believer in repaying favors with favors, or at least buying or trading things of equal value, otherwise the likelihood of having a successful business becomes very low.

As such, if you expect myself, or anyone really, to want to help you with any of your endeavors here, it would be best if you could give us some kind of idea of what to expect in return for doing so. And preferably, something more substantial than the "knowledge or satisfaction of helping you", as you put it.

[reneggadetinkerer]

"Favors?" Favors can be negotiable. I don't have many resources now but I expect to change that in the future.

If you're looking for me to sell myself with an elevator pitch, fine.

I'm an engineering genius and master of robotics. If there's something you need built then you won't find anyone more capable than I.