Scrambled Egg Zone Act I

[reneggadetinkerer]

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Robotnik)
To: General Public
Subject: Introductions
Warnings: ~THEATRICS~

[The first thing you might notice on the screen is a bulbous pink nose. A nose from under which a massive, aburn, magnificent mustache extends off to either side like the bristles of two enormous brushes. Only then might you notice the glint of dark spectacles completely enshrouding the eyes of the one beginning this broadcast. As he pulls his shellphone away, you get the full picture; a rotund man that simply exudes the aura of a mad genius.]

Attention! As loathsome as it is to admit this, I appear to be stranded on this overly moist macrocosm like the rest of you. The accommodations I've found myself in are abhorrent, frankly, and I refuse to live like a deckswab. As such, I'm taking it upon myself to begin searching for more appropriate facilities so that I might continue my work. If anyone out there knows of any...let's say...recently vacated warehouses or factories...or, better yet, an island that I may lay claim to as my own, I can repay you with the knowledge that you've helped secure the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik a place where he can properly work. For the betterment of...everyone.

Apparently. Pah.

Oh, and if there's anyone out there versed in this "magitech" I keep hearing about, make yourself known! I'll have you disclose your findings so that I might better ascertain the nature of this technological power. Better yet, if you have anything worth disassembling, bring it to me.

But don't expect compensation!

Comments

[reneggadetinkerer]

I find it hard to believe the people who reside on these behemoths haven't at least thought of that contingency.

Ships? Evacuation routes and procedures?

[thearchangel]

If you can find any, you'll be the first.

They barely know what to do with someone who can't swim to begin with.

[reneggadetinkerer]

I see.

That's valuable information...

[So, if he manages to upset a Leviathan enough, it could potentially submerge and wipe out everything on its back.]

[Interesting~]

Has there been any headway into what they even are or what else they can do?

[thearchangel]

Yeah, so either invest in a flotation device or get your own boat. Ship - whichever.

[SHIPS FLY, THEY DON'T FLOAT.]

You'd have to ask someone who's more... science-brained. You're talking to a guy more comfortable with a rifle than a labcoat.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Ideally, I'll be able to build a ship to my own designs sooner, rather than later. While this world might lack the resources, perhaps I can make use of this "magitech" to build a proper aerial vessel. I do vastly prefer to fly, after all.

A soldier? Militia or hobbyist?

[thearchangel]

You're from somewhere with flight? About time.

Neither. Was an investigator, but all my people get military training when they hit maturity. A lot happened, I eventually circled back to it.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Hah! I happen to have built my own armada. Well, I built the machines and the factories that constructed the fleet, but I designed the craft myself. I am a genius, after all.

I see. An investigator, you say? And, your name?

[thearchangel]

Good luck, then. I haven't seen enough magitech in this place to make a vehicle, let alone an armada.

Garrus. It's been a while since I did any investigating, though.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Lucky for everyone else, I enjoy a good challenge.

Interesting. I can't imagine your time out of the field has dulled your senses. I find those tend to linger. What sort of things did you investigate?

[thearchangel]

Little bit of everything, really.

From smugglers, petty crime, to crazed scientists and illegal testicle cloning.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Ahaha...crazed scientists you say?

How...oddly specific.

[thearchangel]

Every other week, seemed like.

Not really. Cloning operations made good money with those when buyers were paying 15000 apiece. 60000 for the full set.

[reneggadetinkerer]

Cloning, hm? I can see the appeal but I've never been fond of cloning.

Now, robotic duplicates? That has more appeal.

[thearchangel]

Robotics. What, like VI?

[reneggadetinkerer]

In a sense. I've experience created fully sentient Artificial Intelligence as well as highly advanced automatons that follow my every command.

[thearchangel]

... I'm sorry, you made what now?

[reneggadetinkerer]

Fully sentient Artificial Intelligence? A bold claim, I know, but true nonetheless.

[thearchangel]

You're - How in the hell did you do that?

[It took the quarians 5ever, and EDI was an accident, in a way. Wasn't she?]

Why would you do that?

[reneggadetinkerer]

Why? Oh my dear Garrus.

Because I wanted to.

If there is something I want I make it happen. That is the scope of my ability and genius.

[Also, to subjugate a world and build an empire but...you know, details.]

[thearchangel]

[Oh hell - ]

That's... definitely a reason. Can't say it's one I like to hear from someone. It's never ended well, in my experience.

[reneggadetinkerer]

I assure you, my artificial intelligence is perfectly under my control and loyal to me.

Not that it matters here.

[thearchangel]

[Somewhere, wherever she is, Tali's feeling a deep seated urge to prove this man wrong, he's sure of it.]

[Or show him her shotgun.]

You're right, it really doesn't. There's nothing in the way of decent tech here.

[reneggadetinkerer]

A problem, I'll have to remedy once I secure enough resources and decent source of energy.

I've dabbled in hydro-energy...perhaps it's time I reconsider that given our present predicament.

[thearchangel]

Wouldn't solar work better? Or wind?

Float some panels out on the water, or a windmill platform?