shellphones | Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

Entry tags:

Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

Type: Video
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik)
To: Public
Subject: A proposition, of sorts
Warnings: Scheming

[Now that Eggman has been here for a few months, he's about ready to make some moves. Specifically, he's been working on a little project. It's taken him some time to acclimate to the magitech of this world, and to gather appropriate resources, but the good doctor is nothing if not industrious.]

Attention fellow riftfarers!

I realize that I have not exactly made the...best impression to most of you. And still, there are others who come from my particular sphere of reality who have warned you that I am not to be trusted.

I readily admit that I have made a great many...missteps in my time. But never let it be said that Dr. Eggman can't shed his shell!

And so, I come to offer my particular brand of expertise. Behold!

[Eggman steps back and procures a small disc. A disc that, with the press of a button, creates a small projection of five, animal-themed automatons.]

These designs might be a bit antiquated but I am offering to construct these automatons for interested parties with custom functionality! They're quite good at reconnaissance and security, but they can also be used as personal assistants and companions! In fact, if you were interested, I could scale them down and make them into fun little toys for yourself or a friend! And I am offering these "Radniks" at a pittance! Whatever you wish to pay, I will gladly accept!

Consider this a peace offering from the great, magnanimous, Dr. Eggman.

And, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask~

[OOC: Step one of Eggman's latest scheme is happening! These bots, while not dangerous now, are part of a long term scheme! If you're interested in getting involved, please feel free to let me know! You can reach out to me on the CR meme where I have some more details or message me on Discord of plurk at

bitterbearface]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A warehouse. One that you're quite familiar with.

Do you wish to come watch the process firsthand? I can answer any questions you may have.

[His mind is screaming this is a trap. Especially when the doctor knows he's lacking in certain abilities. But he can't just leave this alone. Especially when Eggman intends to give these creations out to others.] You'll show me the whole process.

[Just come as prepared as he can be for anything. Like he always does. He makes his way to the area near the warehouse, finding a tree or a building to get some high ground. He's checking the surroundings to see if there was anything suspicious around the warehouse before getting any closer.]

[Nothing suspicious here. Just a familiar fox who's been given the lowdown from Sonic, and who has likewise come to investigate. This is his first look at Eggman's setup, and he's also decided to scope it out from above before getting closer. He hovers in the air like a helicopter, keeping close to the warehouse's tallest surroundings so he can duck out of sight if the doctor or anyone else emerges.]

[It's all very weird to look at. He can see almost all the signatures of Eggman engineering, except for the biggest one — excess. So, is this what it looks like when the doctor has to budget his resources?]

[There's only so much he can learn from a distance. He surveys the layout one more time, and picks a spot to land that's in sight of the entrance while having plenty of room for retreat.]

[Tails may be taking the necessary precautions, but they still can't hide the whirring sounds of their spinning tails. He can hear them as the fox makes their descent. Huh. Of course the genius mechanic would arrive to investigate. Either the blue hedgehog told him, or he made the decision to go himself. We'll go with the latter, because we can't have Sonic be that smart.

Seeing them make their approach towards the entrance, Shadow will follow suit. Tails might hear his arrival as he lands on top of the nearest warehouse to Eggman's, observing. This isn't a team-up, just advantageous to have more eyes.]

[You can relax, Shadow! No one's about to accuse you of being a team player.]

[Tails' ears flick as they catch the sound of Shadow landing — and his head starts to turns in that direction, before he stops himself. Because on one hand, he wants to look over and acknowledge that he has company, right? But he also knows better than to turn and stare directly at Shadow's secret hiding spot.]

[If he wants to take the covert approach, then that's all the more reason why Tails should be more direct and take Eggman up on the open invitation. He can keep the doctor distracted!]

[So, he clears his throat, cups his hands around his mouth, and calls out:]

Open up, Eggman! It's time to get audited!

Edited 2025-03-13 05:17 (UTC)

[Thanks to Sonic's inability to keep his mouth shut, Eggman knew that Tails had washed up in this world. Which, honestly, didn't much concern him. Eggman had already planned contingencies for any technologically savvy people who might seek to pry into his work.]

[Which is why Eggman doesn't seem particularly perturbed when Tails comes knocking.]

[When he opens the door, the larger, rotund man simply looms, grinning down at Tails. It's seldom that he and the two-tailed mongrel are left alone with one another. He would have assumed Sonic would be here. But since Shadow so helpfully offered to oversee the process of his Radniks, he assumes Shadow is also somewhere. Skulking.]

Audited, eh? I don't believe you have the necessary credentials to perform such a service, and you and I both know the only taxes I collect are paid in blood.

I assume you're here to inspect my workspace on behalf of the two idiot hedgehogs.

[And then, much louder.]

Come now, Shadow. You're not planning on letting the child into my workspace unsupervised, are you? Aren't there laws about that somewhere?

[...He really wants to shut up that stupid grating voice of the doctor. Permanently. There's a soft sound of a thud, shoes hitting the ground. Short, dark and broody hedgehog accounted for, coming forward to stand beside Tails.]

The fox isn't my responsibilty. [It really isn't. He didn't know they were going to give the doctor a visit the same time as him. He only shows himself now, because the doctor outed his presence.]

Edited (more words) 2025-03-14 00:55 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure I know more about workplace safety than he does, anyway.

[We're off to a great start! Less than a hundred words in, and Eggman is already hinting at murder and child endangerment. Right after Tails had tried to argue Sonic's point, that Shadow shouldn't just destroy Eggman on sight...]

[That's going to be a fun topic to revisit later.]

[He sighs very quietly and prepares to take notes with a stylus on his shellphone. He's opted for a larger, almost tablet-sized model — while it may not be as useful as his Miles Electric (yet), he still feels more comfortable with a big computer pad in his hands than a tiny little communicator.]

Besides, aren't you supposed to be showing us just how safe your new not-so-Badniks are supposed to be? Or are you using a doomsday weapon as part of your manufacturing process?

Well, as I always say..."Destruction must always come before Construction." But you're not here to argue development standards.

[He steps aside, jovially, and ushers the two into his warehouse.]

[By Eggman standards, the warehouse is spartan at best. There's a large section dedicated to raw materials that are carefully sorted and categorized It's come a long way since Shadow woke up here. Along the far wall are several large workbenches. Considering there doesn't appear to be any automation in sight, this looks more like a mechanic's workshop than anything else. A dozen large screens and monitors hang on the far wall, each camera showing a security feed of the premises and its surrounding environs. Yes, Eggman knew they were coming and it's painfully obvious how well monitored his "territory" is becoming.]

[The wall across from the sorted resources is occupied by large, steel shelves and racks with a full display of his "Radniks." They're much smaller than the badniks Tails and Sonic had encountered in the past. Most are about the size of a large toy. Palm sized at their smallest.]

[Eggman pulls a Motobug down, about the size of a basketball, and hands it over to Tails.]

As you can see, these retro models are built smaller than their previous incarnations. I have to conserve resources, naturally. Though, I have a few requests for larger models.

No doubt, you're interested in their programming, yes?

[Because Eggman knows his enemies. He knows what they know to look for. They'll never let their guard down and that's precisely what he's counting on.]

[Paranoia is an excellent manipulator.]

[He's sure the Doctor is only saying certain things, because they can get away with it. Which is annoying. Probably what they want. So he won't give the doctor the pleasure of acknowledging his yammering until the subject was relevent. He will instead take note of the changes since he was last in this warehouse. More organized, one can see a start of a workshop. The screens...Eggman has certainly been coming along in here. Who knows what else the doctor has done that they're choosing not to reveal to them.

He looks at the screens for some time, noting where and what they're showing. He's still listening as Eggman shows Tails one of their radniks. Eyes avert from the screens for a moment to watch them.]

[Tails takes the Motobug with practiced care, holding it upright to see if it shows signs of activation. Satisfied that it's powered off, he starts flipping it over, inspect it from more unusual angles.]

We'll get to the firmware in a moment. Smaller doesn't necessarily mean less dangerous, even before we bring nanobots into the discussion. [Just thinking about the metal virus makes his brow knit in frustration.] Are these designed exactly like your badniks, except for the scale? Or have you included any other gadgets in their bodies?

[Or weapons, rather. But it's not an important distinction.]

Why don't you power one on for me?

[Eggman reaches up to where he'd taken the Motobug and procures a rudimentary remote. With a press of a button, the Motobug springs to life and attempts to rev it's wheel in Tails' hands. It doesn't attack, it merely seems to want to roll around, content to exist in a roaming subroutine.]

As you can see, every Radnik I sell will come with its own personalized remote for pre-programmed behavioral routines. Should the client wish, I can upgrade each unit to be more autonomous to fit their needs. However, as you can see there are no weapons. And as I'm sure you can already surmise, yes, I can interface with them remotely for scheduled maintenance, should the client wish. It's part of my "customer service" agreement.

[He tosses the remote to Tails with a smug, satisfied grin. He's displaying all of his cards willingly because they both know what Tails is going to scrutinize. Why would he hide weapons when that's the first thing these furballs will look for?]

Would you care to look over the contracts, terms, and services as well?

You're free to be as thorough as you like.

[Once Eggman starts the Radnik, Shadow will approach to get better look at it's function. Seems harmless, but he knows better than to simply accept the Doctor's words and what's being presented.]

Not having weapons doesn't mean they can't still be a threat. [They could use something else as a weapon that's within their vicinity, or themselves as one.]

[Even as Shadow says it, though — there's no reason to suspect this little Radnik could be a threat to Tails or Shadow, never mind both. So he sets the mini-Motobug down, releasing it to buzz circles around them on the floor. His eyes follow its movements with scrutiny. How random are they? How fast are they?]

Right. You could even turn this Radnik itself into a weapon. All it would take is an intentional defect, and it might start sparking, or even explode...

[But that's just hypothetically speaking. There's no signs of any danger. At its absolute worst, this little thing could be a trip hazard.]

[Eggman's invitation, however, makes Tails look up at him with concern.] You're making people sign terms and conditions, huh? [Sigh.] I guess someone has to be the one to read through the fine print. Fine, give it here.

[He doesn't expect Eggman's master plan to be buried in legalese. But he does expect that it's going to be painful to read through, because the doctor has to get his kicks somehow.]

[Eggman casts a knowing look at Shadow.]

So true! Weapons can come in all shapes and spiny sizes, can't they?

But as you can see, these not only lack armaments, they barely have enough power capable to keep themselves functioning. There's nothing especially high-yield about them. And if they were defective, I would be losing out on funds wouldn't I? It wouldn't be in my best interests to sell a faulty product when I'd be expected to make returns or waste valuable resources on repairs. A clause you'll find in the terms and conditions I painstakingly wrote.

[Which he helpfully forwards to Tails with a few keystrokes of the air. Yes, he's linked his Shellphone to his gloves. It's more efficient that way.]

[It also looks cooler.]

However, let's not mince words. You both know me. Would I hide a masterful scheme behind something so...pedantic? There's nothing memorable about a byline leading to the downfall of my enemies. There's nothing satisfying about misleading you with legalese.

If I wanted to bury you you would know it. If I wanted to drown the rest of this world in trifles and toys then I would do just that.

[He looms over them both, hands clasped behind his back.]

Face it. You all fear me because I do not hide. I am the epitome of an omnipresent threat and you're all sitting on the edge of your tails waiting for a move that you can't be sure will ever come. You are all stewing, waiting for the day when I unveil my masterwork that will bring this world to ruin.

And that's the beauty of it. I don't have to do anything. I live in your heads, rent free. I've won by virtue of existing.

[And then Eggman stands bolt upright and claps his hands.]

Now! Can I interest either of you in one of my Radniks? I'm offering a Buy One Get One special for the next thirty seconds!

No better way to pry into my master plans than to take one of these little beauties home with you!

[Fox, you think too small. He's going to let them look over the fine print. Their skillsets make them the better option between them to find anything amiss. He's more distracted by Eggman's prattling. His expression remains in resting bitch face, looking disinterested, but as the doctor got to about needing to do nothing to get under their skins... well, the only tell from Shadow that it got to him, is him gradually clenching his fist. Fear? Him? He fears nothing, especially not this bastard.

Keep talking that talk. He can see Eggman trying to make them lower their guards, think he's won. Rake in trust from these foolish people in this world, than strike when it gets the most recognition for him. He huffs, glancing towards the fox. That moment of irritation passing once he got his head together.] An underwhelming victory for you, if that were true.

[He stays quiet at their offer for a Radnik. He was already considering to take one to keep under survellience, but hearing the doctor suggest it, acting as if he was steps ahead of them...No, he has to commit, no matter what head games the Doctor deploys.] Fox. [It wasn't a demand for their attention, just a prompt nod to the offer at hand.]

[Tails keeps his eyes glued to his shellphone, scrolling through the document to skim the details, even after the doctor pointed out what a waste of time it would be. He's not wrong. It is, however, a convenient excuse not to look at the doctor through his big monologue.]

[He's still listening, though, as Eggman delivers the kind of sales pitch that would make anyone want to refuse it out of principle. It reeks of sleazy used car salesman. But on the other hand, much like Shadow, he was already planning on taking one home and hacking into it. He'll begrudgingly take the bait.]

All right. But I still want to finish reading through this first. You went through all the trouble of writing it all out, right? [He scrolls through, getting a good sense for its length.] And I'm curious, because this really isn't your style. I would have expected you to just write, "Dr. Eggman can do what he wants", followed by two buttons that both say "ACCEPT".

[It's not like it's actually going to matter. He's going to jailbreak his Radnik immediately, and Eggman knows it. But he's going to do the diligent smart guy thing and read it anyway, undeterred by the head games.]

[As he muses on the whole speech, though, he settles on one short thought.]

You know... if you only ever wanted our attention, there's much easier ways to do that.

A victory is still a victory, Shadow. I'll take what I can get.

[He once more clasps his hands behind his back and rocks on his heels a bit as he regards Tails.]

Pah. You think I need a contract for that? No, this is all for the sake of transparency. Not just for my clientele, but for you all as well.

I require funding for my endeavors. You all wish to see me integrate properly into this society. You're over-complicating the situation.

[With a wave of his hand, he seemingly dismisses his villainous monologue. Of course they'll never take him at face value and that's part of the game. Rack up enough merits so that when he does make his move, the crushing blow will be precise.]

[These stupid hedgehogs all have the same fatal flaw, after all. Guilt. And Sonic's guilt when faced with yet another catastrophe that he could have stopped if he only had the spines to do what needed to be done is all the incentive he needs to play nice.]

Now, how will you be paying? I did say "Buy One, Get One" not "Take whatever your grubby paws want." I'm running a business, not a charity.

There is no payment. [First to speak up, crossing his arms.] You owe us to continue to be on your best behavior. [They could pay, but why do that when Eggman has to keep proving to them he's not up to no good. Surely two Radnik samples isn't going to put a huge dumper on his funding.]

Stealing inventory from a helpless toymaker, Shadow?

Why, this might just be, as the kids say, my supervillain origin.

Edited 2025-03-21 22:42 (UTC)

[Well, it's not the start of his career in comedy, if the look on Tails' face is any indication. He knows he probably should not be encouraging Shadow to keep trying extortion, but... boy, Eggman sure is making Shadow's case for him, isn't he?]

[Also: Tails only arrived a short while ago. He has very little money, and he doesn't want to hand it all over to Eggman.]

Didn't you want us to properly inspect your Radniks, so we can let everyone know they're safe? Because I'm definitely not going to give my seal of approval based on such a short demo. In fact, I'll probably be telling people to watch out for your sales tactics...

[Zero stars, Eggman. Your move.]

Well, if it's to assuage your fears I do believe I can part with one model.

On the condition that you publicly vouch for their safety and quality! I am trying to sustain myself here, Tails.

A glowing, public recommendation by you and Sonic would be just the ticket I need to legitimacy!

Of course, I have issues if you publicly disclose your findings as well! I have nothing to hide!

Do we have a deal?

[Eggman holds out one of his large, gloved hands to the smaller fox.]

[Tails narrows his eyes with suspicion. This is obviously a bad idea. ... and yet.]

You're asking for one endorsement. No strings attached. And... that's all?

[Because that means he still gets to write the script, and he's already putting together some drafts in his head. Disclosing all findings is a good start — even if it's Eggman handing him that blank check, he'll happily cash it in. While he's at it, he can provide other helpful information, to give everyone an idea of what to watch for. And he can emphasize that the doctor is out to prove his legitimacy, which would shift the tone of the endorsement in a crucial way.]

[But he still has to be positive in his review. Glowing, even. And he'd rather be sincere about it, rather than tearing into Eggman with thinly-veiled sarcasm.]

[It'll be a challenge. Tails thinks he sees the solution, but whether he's up to the task... well, he'll just have to believe in himself.]

Edited 2025-03-31 05:11 (UTC)

All right then. Deal!

[He takes the extended hand and gives it a small but firm shake. His expression looks more like someone who's agreed to a challenge, rather than struck a deal.]

This works out pretty well, actually! I was already looking for an excuse to start up a new TailsTube series. So, technically speaking — you'll get to be the first sponsor!

Scrambled Egg Zone Act II

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