Bot Humbug! | VIDEO

[reneggadetinkerer]

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer | Dr. Eggman
To: Public
Subject: What's there to be cheerful about anyway?!
Warnings: Grincheyness

[It's that wonderful, magical, beautiful time of year, isn't it? There's wonder and kinship and love in the air. The spirit of giving is abundant. It's truly the most wonderful time of the year, isn't it?]

[And no holiday season would be complete without some old person very loudly and publicly complaining about it.]

[Eggman appears to be sequestered away...somewhere. Where it is, it's dark and the only lights are from screens he's cobbled together and there's a perpetual sound of grinding metal somewhere in the background.]

[He looks...annoyed.]

From whatever empirical evidence I can gather, this time of year is supposed to be heartwarming. I'd like anyone out there to properly explain, within provable parameters, preferably with citations and sources to back your theory up, how that's even remotely possible.

[He takes a long, pointed sip of coffee from a new mug that he's very deliberately pointing towards the camera.]

And yes, I said "theory." I won't even entertain the notion of a hypothesis because I refuse to believe that any insight any one of you festive fools can conjure has the potential to be tested in any way that matters.

And before any one of you decides to present some sort of faith-based angle for this disgusting display of mirthful misery, I am going to assert that you stow it.

I'm eggnostic for a reason.

Comments

[reneggadetinkerer]

A fruit changed you and gave you your intellect.

[Eggman is...intrigued. He is! A fruit with that kind of power is certainly compelling.]

[But Chopper trying to empathize with him gives him pause.]

Do you? I'm not entirely sure that you do. Not unless your cloven hoofed herd had the wherewithal to compare you to your lessers.

I sincerely doubt "Reality Television" will take off in this environment. The people here aren't nearly cutthroat enough.

[reindered]

Yup. Different Devil Fruits give different abilities. Mine made me more human. So I didn't really fit in with the other reindeer after that.

[Not so much about comparing him to his lessers as he just...looked different. Acted differently after eating the fruit. Still, he tilts his head, ears shifting and raising a little.]

Reality television?

[reneggadetinkerer]

It's like a game show. People are placed in a scenario where they're forced to work together or sabotage one another. I treat is as a psychological case study.

"How many narcissists does it take to implode a functioning societal framework?"

So far, I've determined that all it takes is two, so long as they are diametrically opposed. If aligned, they'll succeed up to a point.

Tell me more of these Devil Fruits.

[reindered]

Oh. I'm sure it'd be better to work together. But I don't think I've seen these reality show things. Um, what did you want to know about the Devil Fruits?

[reneggadetinkerer]

How do they work? What sort of powers do they possess and convey? How are they grown and harvested? Why such a sinister and appealing name? It's as if they invoke temptation by design!

[reindered]

Well, the fruits have different abilities. Mine made me more human. Luffy's made his body like rubber, for example. And his brother, Ace, can create and control fire. Others I've heard of they can mimic people, like shapeshifting, or they can separate parts of their body? Or slow you down. It depends on which of the fruit you eat, I guess. They're pretty rare, so they're really valuable.

[He's....not sure if it is a good thing that the other is taking such an interest. But at least there aren't any Devil Fruits here. So it's probably fine?]