Video || A Crabulous Query

[catsgothistongue]

Type: Video
Sender ID: catsgothistongue (Ranma)
To: Public
Subject: Crabs
Warnings: Small mention of broken arm, Ranma's general idiocy

[The video feed opens up to a calm, relaxing beach viewing with waves gently crashing on the shore and crabs scuttering along in their own little world. The screen would change to front-facing mode to show Ranma sitting on the beach, left arm bandaged and in a cast and a few crabs climbing on and off of him. He seemed almost wistful, as if he's about to poise a sagely question...]

Think anyone here tried cooking any of the crabs here yet? [... or not.] Or at the least tried to get a leg off the big one. Imagine how much you could make with just a leg!

[Ranma no.]

Just uh... Just a hypothetical. [He's totally not salivating right now.]

Comments

[empyrean_mirror]

Let me rephrase this.

People on Teyvat cannot use ki to heal their own injuries and usually do not start combat training before they can walk.

Was this the usual training by those standards or by yours?

[catsgothistongue]

[...]

Yyyyyes? [That was drawled on a lot longer than what he meant to with a sheepish smile, before holding his hands up defensively.]

Look, I didn't make him to anything insane! If I threw him at the heavy hitting stuff, he wouldn't survive. It's just the basic stuff, like hitting, punching, footing, all that.

[empyrean_mirror]

Did he leave uninjured, Ranma Saotome?

[Why is Kaveh smiling. Oh no. Oh no.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Why is he using his full name? What is this sensation of dread?]

Yes? I mean after I healed him back to perfect health...

[empyrean_mirror]

Ranma.

[He hasn't stopped smiling. His tone hasn't changed. There is a distinct sensation of facing down a lion some other apex predator.]

Tell me exactly what happened.

[This is not a request.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Gulp.]

Well you see, what happened was...

[Ranma stood on his tiptoes to look over Kaveh's shoulder, his face contorting in confusing.]

... Did your roomie leave his fish statue outside on that giant plant? Weird...

[empyrean_mirror]

Do you think I'm a goddamn idiot, Ranma.

[Mehrak has now also turned to face him.

Oh also a plant vine wrapped around his ankle and just yanked him into the air to dangle from the oversized sumeru rose.]

[catsgothistongue]

WOAH-

[HE IS NOW STRUGGLING AND DANGLING FROM THE AIR, TRYING TO YANK HIS FOOT FREE.]

N-NO SERIOUSLY, HIS FISH IS ON THAT TREE! JUST TURN AROUND AND GRAB IT BEFORE HE GETS UPSET!

[empyrean_mirror]

[More vines unfurl from the rose, catching his other foot and then slowly binding his arms.]

If you are going to lie to distract me, you'd have to pick something plausible.

[catsgothistongue]

[Oh yeah, he should probably uh... Confess.]

Okay, okay! It was an accident!

[empyrean_mirror]

I see. And did you apologize to him for it?

[Your life may depend on the answer to this.]

[catsgothistongue]

Yes! Of course I did! After I healed his ribs too!

[KAVEH YOU WERE THE ONE WHO HEALED HIM, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO HAVE WASTE A BLOOM CORE?]

[empyrean_mirror]

Alright. Here's what's going to happen.

If you want me to keep this quiet from his older brother, who will shoot you and likely set you on fire, you will promise me two things right now.

First, your priority is to protect Freminet from harm over training him. Second, your homework is to research how people in other worlds conduct their training. Use that information to refine your approach to Freminet, and keep in mind you are uncommonly durable.

Am I clear?

[catsgothistongue]

... I mean, I've been all those things before so...

[Wait no, he should probably actually try pleading his case.]

It wasn't like I meant to actually hurt the kid! He froze my fist. My art is to use any and everything to my advantage and adapt. I thought it made a good club that I could hit him with! [Ooooooh yeah, even to someone as social daft as him, that didn't sound good out loud the second it left his mouth.] I just made a mistake, I regret it, and I tried fixing it. I'm sorry, I really am. But if it makes you feel any better to try putting me in a body bag or tell his brother so he can come after my head, then go ahead and do it.

[Honestly, Kaveh's earlier ultimatum is a lot more lenient than what usually happens when people are pissed at him.]

[empyrean_mirror]

I think you misunderstand me right now.

[shaking the vines a little bit.]

I am telling you, as a man, to put in the time and work into improving yourself so you don't have these kind of regrets. Mistakes like these can be made up for, and you can. You already started to, so follow through.

...But there are mistakes you can never undo. It's important, right now, to learn all you can from the ones you can.

[catsgothistongue]

[He's silent, and if Kaveh looked at his face, he looks contemplative. Like he's actually listening to a single thing the other man is saying.]

... Okay.

[empyrean_mirror]

[yeah he's pretty sure that went in one ear and out the other. But he sighs and just. Sets Ranma back down on the ground. Releases him. That's it?]

Alright.

[catsgothistongue]

[Kaveh's free to think that. He's pretty much used to that perception of him by now. As Ranma is back on solid ground, he was stretching his elbows and rubbing where his limbs were grabbed, his expression unreadable.]

Thanks for the healing. I'll go throw these away. [He picked up the makeshift sling and the bloodied bandages off the ground.] Guessing I can't throw these away in your guys' trash?

[empyrean_mirror]

Why wouldn't you be able to?

[What a weird thing to say?] Trashcan's in the kitchen. Alhaitham's probably still asleep, so he won't give you any grief.

[catsgothistongue]

[He just had a feeling that the man didn't want him anywhere near his property anymore. That, and not a lot of people'd want bloody bandages to be contaminating their homes.]

Alright, thanks. [He goes inside and does just that, throwing away the bandages. After a while, he's back out already starting to walk away from the house.]

[empyrean_mirror]

Ranma!

[Kaveh's called to him from the front step and, assuming he turns, tosses a box of something that smells delicious to him, fairly assured the teen will catch it.]

Healing's hungry work for the body.

[...it's a box full of pita pockets and samosas. Enough to feed like three freminets.]

[catsgothistongue]

[He was in the middle of turning around as the box was tossed his way. The delectable aroma was hard to let slip by him. Him of all people couldn't possibly resist the redolence of a good meal. The martial artist brightened up with a shine to his smile.]

Hey, thanks!

[And dug in. It sounded like a buzz saw eating through wood with how fast he was scarfing the entire thing down. It hadn't even been a solid ten seconds before the box was completely empty. He's a shounen protagonist martial artist, don't be too surprised by this.]