Video || A Crabulous Query

[catsgothistongue]

Type: Video
Sender ID: catsgothistongue (Ranma)
To: Public
Subject: Crabs
Warnings: Small mention of broken arm, Ranma's general idiocy

[The video feed opens up to a calm, relaxing beach viewing with waves gently crashing on the shore and crabs scuttering along in their own little world. The screen would change to front-facing mode to show Ranma sitting on the beach, left arm bandaged and in a cast and a few crabs climbing on and off of him. He seemed almost wistful, as if he's about to poise a sagely question...]

Think anyone here tried cooking any of the crabs here yet? [... or not.] Or at the least tried to get a leg off the big one. Imagine how much you could make with just a leg!

[Ranma no.]

Just uh... Just a hypothetical. [He's totally not salivating right now.]

Comments

[catsgothistongue]

To be fair, when's the last time a little head trauma's killed anyone? [Ranma.

He does it all the time! It's fine! Nothing gets the blood pumping than having someone try to turn you into a red paste all over the ground!'

Lesson of the day: don't do drugs kids.]

[telepathicignorance]

It's one of the two most common causes of immediate death.

(This kid has a really screwed up perception of things.)

[catsgothistongue]

... Oh, right. [Did he seriously forget that not everyone's super durable like most martial artists of his caliber?? Yes he did.] Well... it's never killed me or anyone I know from back home!

[That's what you get when you've been conditioned to have violence towards you be treated as if it's an everyday occurrence.]

CW: momentary suicidal ideation

[telepathicignorance]

Pretty sure that's called survivorship bias.

(Not even going to get into how surviving a TBI is only sometimes a happy outcome.

Does a psychic scar count as a TBI? Because they'd be better off dead after Heartbreak.)

[catsgothistongue]

Agree to disagree. [Not what that means Ranma.] The point I'm trying to make here is...

[...]

Uh, what were we discussing again?

[telepathicignorance]

That's a funny way of saying you refuse to listen to reason.

(Seriously kid. They know this guy's got enhanced durability--it sounds like it might be typical in his world--but that doesn't make this stuff harmless!)

Crab intelligence.

[catsgothistongue]

>:/ I'm not actually going to try attacking the crabs here. It was just a passing thought.

[Can't you tell he's just so great at thinking?]

[telepathicignorance]

You don't have much of a filter, do you?

(Just blurting out his thoughts like that. They weren't planning to tell anyone their secrets anyway, but he definitely doesn't seem like someone who could keep one.)

[catsgothistongue]

I guess? Why do you ask?

[Excuse you, he can keep a secret when he wants to! Circumstances simply conspire against him that they end up revealed anyway!]

[telepathicignorance]

No reason. You just seem really bad not saying things.

[catsgothistongue]

>:/ I am good at saying things, so guess you're not entirely wrong. :P

[telepathicignorance]

What's that saying? "It's better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubts."?

[catsgothistongue]

Never heard of that one before, so I don't see your point.

[telepathicignorance]

The point is you talk like an idiot.

[catsgothistongue]

Screw you too.

[telepathicignorance]

You're like half my age, kid. Gross.

(They are deliberately being an ass now.)

[catsgothistongue]

[They might be joking, but Ranma's not laughing. His face scrunched up with annoyance.]

I'm not into guys anyway, so I'm oh-so heartbroken about it.

[Two can be a sarcastic ass.]

[telepathicignorance]

(...)

I'm not a guy.

[catsgothistongue]

[...]

Eh?

[telepathicignorance]

You've already proven that you can read.

(Since Sidestep refuses to send anything but texts.)

[catsgothistongue]

[Smartmouthed asshole...]

... You're a girl?

[telepathicignorance]

(You know, they figured of all people this guy might be quick on the uptake.)

Not one of those, either.

(They are kind of scrawny and have a high pitched voice for a dude despite lacking the chest features you'd usually expect on a girl.)

[catsgothistongue]

[The term non-binary hadn't been coined during his time, so as far as Ranma knew, you're either a dude or a chick. So...]

...

[He absolutely does not get it. Sorry Sidestep.]

[telepathicignorance]

(Somewhere, Sidestep is facepalming.)

Okay so, you're a guy even when you change, right? Like, you just are?

[catsgothistongue]

[Appropriate reaction.]

Of course?