shellphones | Scrambled Egg Zone Act I

Type: VIDEO
Sender ID: reneggadetinkerer (Dr. Robotnik)
To: General Public
Subject: Introductions
Warnings: ~THEATRICS~

[The first thing you might notice on the screen is a bulbous pink nose. A nose from under which a massive, aburn, magnificent mustache extends off to either side like the bristles of two enormous brushes. Only then might you notice the glint of dark spectacles completely enshrouding the eyes of the one beginning this broadcast. As he pulls his shellphone away, you get the full picture; a rotund man that simply exudes the aura of a mad genius.]

Attention! As loathsome as it is to admit this, I appear to be stranded on this overly moist macrocosm like the rest of you. The accommodations I've found myself in are abhorrent, frankly, and I refuse to live like a deckswab. As such, I'm taking it upon myself to begin searching for more appropriate facilities so that I might continue my work. If anyone out there knows of any...let's say...recently vacated warehouses or factories...or, better yet, an island that I may lay claim to as my own, I can repay you with the knowledge that you've helped secure the great Dr. Ivo Robotnik a place where he can properly work. For the betterment of...everyone.

Apparently. Pah.

Oh, and if there's anyone out there versed in this "magitech" I keep hearing about, make yourself known! I'll have you disclose your findings so that I might better ascertain the nature of this technological power. Better yet, if you have anything worth disassembling, bring it to me.

But don't expect compensation!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See, what wasn't so hard, was it? Now next time use it on someone who doesn't know your reputation, and it just might work!

It seems like the problem is that you think these people owe you. None of these people owe us anything, you might just have to earn yourself an island through good deeds.

Or, I can simply take what I want. You can't protect every island, rodent. You might me fast but you're far from omniscient.

Besides, I'd sooner raze everything to the ground than do anything...eugh...nice.

[He knows that Sonic still thinks Mr. Tinker is somewhere in there and he'll be damned if he lets him believe he can be redeemed in any way.]

I just need time to...shop around.

Ugh, why can't you just be cool for like five minutes? Besides, how are you gonna raze anything if you don't even have like, a screwdriver? It's not gonna kill you to just cooperate with people, y'know.

[He is 100% banking on some small sliver of Mr. Tinker still floating around in that stupid Eggbrain. Why would amnesia cause a complete personality shift? Is that even how brains work? Maybe if he hits Eggman in the head hard enough he can get similar results?

Maybe he'll try it if nothing else works.]

Because I refuse to be party to anything designed by committee! Too many impurities spoil the oil, hedgehog!

If I'm going to do anything it will be by my hand alone! And if I do seek assistance, it will be because they have proven to be beneficial to me.

Besides, you've foiled me enough times that I'm well-versed in building something from nothing.

I'm just saying don't be a jerk to these people! Why is that so hard a concept for you to grasp?

[SIGH.]

Well, whatever. I can't deny that you're resourceful, I'm sure you'll have a little army of robot bees or something up and running on no time.

For someone who never compromises on his principles, I find it vexing that you demand I compromise on mine.

Anything for you to take the moral high ground, eh you blue buffoon??

To be fair, my principals and my moral high ground or whatever don't actively hurt people.

Well, you've always been a bit of a coward in that regard.

Broken eggs, omelettes, etc.

Sacrifices are always necessary for progress.

Says the guy that bravely runs away every time I foil his plans.

Whatever, do your little super villain thing. Just don't hurt anyone, you know what'll happen if you do.

[an ass kickin', that's what!!!]

Tactical retreat!

And what is it you plan to do here, Sonic? There's an awful lot of water. I'm very aware of your history with it.

Pshh, you know I can run across the surface of the water. I'm not that worried.

[Except that ya boi's gotten a bit of a stamina nerf and he sure can run like that long enough to get him from one land mass to another, but he doesn't know that yet so it's fine!!!!]

Naturally, I'm well acquainted with the abilities your supernatural speed have granted you. You move fast enough that your feet don't even break the surface tension of the water allowing you to propel yourself.

However, I'm sure that sooner or later something will cause you to stop.

Fine then, I'd drown out of spite just so you don't get the satisfaction of offing me yourself! I still win!

And I would save you from your own idiocy if only so that I could be the one to finally obliterate you!

You're priorities are so wild. If I drown, I won't be around to stop you from doing all your horrible stuff!

And I'd be forever vexed at the idea that I was never able to defeat you.

No, Sonic. When you die, it won't be because of your rash actions. It won't be because of some freak accident. Nature will not claim you.

It will all be orchestrated by my hand. Your demise, the lead up, every facet of your downfall will be plotted to the finest detail.

Annihilating you will be like building a watch. With precision movements and hundreds of intricate. Imperceptible. Parts.

One that I will hold and control and wind oh so carefully until the hands reach midnight and your time is up.

Okay, Boomer.

[Of course Sonic doesn't expect this to ever happen. He is far too cool and too fast to play right into Eggman's intricate watch making plans. Definitely for sure.]

THE ONLY THING 'BOOMING' AROUND HERE WILL BE YOU WHEN I CARPET BOMB YOU OFF OF THIS WATERLOGGED WASTELAND!

Don't threaten me with a good time! Dodging explosions is a great way to keep my reflexes sharp!

Yes, dodge all you like. In fact, I prefer it when you dodge.

It mans that whatever's behind you gets to be my new target.

Here? Let's be real, it's probably just gonna be water. Have fun bombing the whales, I guess.

Yes, I imagine it would be quite difficult to miss something so large.

Such as a Leviathan.

[You know. The giant things that everyone lives on.]

Okay? Then maybe keep your nukes in check. Duh.

Or just don't be an idiot and play nice for once.

Yes yes, whatever you say you Blue Buffoon.

[Sonic might know that tone. That's the tone of him moving on from this conversation because he already has ideas.]

[Oh yeah, he knows it well enough. And honestly, he peaked with the Boomer comment, so Sonic's good here.]

Uh huh. Just don't make me come over there.

[SONIC HANGS UP FIRST!!!!!!!!]

Scrambled Egg Zone Act I

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