shellphones | Video | Best fwends

Type: Video
Sender ID: acheat (Jarlaxle)
To: Public
Subject: Surprise Gifting
Warnings: None now!

[The video opens to... No one? No one! It's no one. It's an apartment, not really decorated, looks like someone clearly lives here but as to who that's hard to say. The way the camera moves though, it suggests that however it's being held, it's not necessarily in someone's hand.

There's no noise, no commentary, but briefly a hand does actually appear on screen, holding something. A hat, apparently. A wide brimmed straw hat with a cute little ribbon around it, and into that ribbon has been neatly tucked a big, shiny, blue and green peacock feather. The hat is turned this way and that for a moment, to allow the audience to really appreciate just how stupid the whole thing is, before it's pulled off screen again, and the camera bearer begins to move.

The footsteps are silent, not a single noise to be had, not a click not a thump not even the whisper of fabric or indeed the sound of the camera man's breathing. It's almost eerie, how fluidly and soundlessly he's actually moving here, one might almost imagine the camera was just being dangled by a string somehow and just being flown around this apartment. From one room to the next it moves at a steady, even pace, until at last, the target is spotted.

It's Kimmuriel, back to the camera man, by all appearances deep within the depths of a book. Or notes, it's actually hard to tell from this angle. Slowly, quietly, the camera creeps closer. Easily, gently, the hat is produced with theatrical slowness.

Then carefully, oh so carefully, oh so agonizingly slow, from a solid two feet up, the hat bearing hand begins it's decent, not a single tremor to be seen in the arm nor wrist nor fingers. Closing in on Kimmuriel's bowed head, closer... closer... closer-

And an inch away he just straight up drops it right on the psionicists head.]

I made you a present!

[And yes he had to share this moment with everyone it's important actually!!!]

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[The cackling is as loud as it is juvenile.]

You look lovely! As I thought this was an excellent idea.

[The shellphone is, of all places, on his fucking head, haphazardly held in place on the top of the hat with twine, carefully wrapped around the band at the base. It's an extremely slapdash setup, one good shake will get it to topple. Which, it immediately does as he steps back, clattering loudly to the floor.]

Well not anymore!

Edited 2023-11-21 05:32 (UTC)

[ He sighs in exasperation, his expression clearly displeased, but he keeps the hat - with its ridiculous and flamboyant feather - on for the moment. Jarlaxle did, after all, sneak up on him - perhaps the only person here who could do so. He supposes he can permit this much. ] Was it worth that absurdity?

[ He gestures at the shellphone, still tangled up in twine and now on the floor.
He's not getting that for you, clean up your own mess. ]

[The smug, self-satisfied smile might just be a good enough reply on his own, and he follows Kimmuriel's hand down towards the twine wrapped phone. He takes a step to scoop it up, picking the twine off it or at least, mostly off it, mostly out of the way...

Before pulling it up to aim the camera at Kimmuriel. He needs a picture!]

Yes, absolutely.

[He's so proud of himself!]

[ Kimmuriel, without even the slightest change in his expression, flicks his fingers. The shellphone practically leaps out of Jarlaxle's hands, propelled by psionic energy.

He doesn't take the hat off, though. If Jarlaxle wants a picture, fine. But he'll have to work for it. ]

[Whoop! He does actually jump a little as the phone just yeets itself right out of his hand, mere seconds before he could actually snap that picture. Drat. ... The fact that Kimmuriel has not removed the hat hasn't escaped his attention though.

Oh it's a game is it? Temporary, fleeting and idle surprise is quickly turning into open delight, his movements easy, light and casual as he saunters over to the phone, eying Kimmuriel as he reaches down to pick it back up again. Let's play some games then.]

[ Despite Kimmuriel's lack of expression in this case, it does indeed appear to be a game rather than a temporary annoyance.

He waits for Jarlaxle to pick up the phone before he cuts a door into the air and steps through, vanishing from sight. However, unlike Jarlaxle, he is not so skilled at stealth, so his attempt to get the jump on his co-captain from behind and slap the shellphone out of his hand once more is betrayed by his quick footsteps and the rustle of his clothing.

He does give it a good attempt though. He could end the game easily by relying on his powers alone, but then it wouldn't be a good game, would it? ]

[There's a thousand and one different ways Kimmuriel could keep this phone out of his hands, some far more effective than others. If this hadn't been a game, that hat would have been gone and this phone would have been portaled into the sea, so the fact that his co-captain is actually humoring this nonsense is both obvious and delightful.

No, Kimmuriel is not the best at stealth, but he's still getting points for creativity; the only reason that phone is still in his hand is through a last minute jerk upwards and a quick hop to the side, though he does have to fumble with it for a moment as Kimmuriel's hand actually clips the bottom of it.

He's also just laughing so hard, it's a bit hard to concentrate through that, but he's still got it! He didn't drop it! The phone is aimed again, rapidly trying to get just one picture of the psionicist in his fancy new hat. Half of these are going to look like cryptid sightings at this rate.]

Hold still!

[ The hat is now at a jaunty and unintended angle due to all this scrambling around. He knows he's at a disadvantage, so he swipes at the phone repeatedly while Jarlaxle is trying to steady it for a picture, just to be a nuisance. Jarlaxle can catch a few photos, but nothing too clear. ]

Ask nicely. Or make me.

[ There's a hint of amusement, the crack of a smile in Kimmuriel's impassive facade as he teleports away once more. He's not behind Jarlaxle this time, he's elsewhere in the apartment...but this apartment is small, so it's not going to be hard to find him. ]

Teleporting is cheating!

[He's decided that those are the rules, right now! He's making them up as they go this game has rules now and rule one is: Teleporting is CHEATING! He's not very good at sounding put out though. He tried, he really did, but even someone who hasn't known him for literal centuries would be able to hear the amusement in his voice as he begins to case the apartment, phone in hand with his thumb hovering over the button.]

I can't ask you anything if we aren't face to face, Kimmuriel.

How else are we to maintain equal footing if you are only taking away my advantages, Jarlaxle?

[ It's not hard to find him, especially when he calls out like that from the next room over. He's perched on top the mostly-empty bookshelf that the apartment provides like he's the cat here and not Tinydancer.

But he does honor the change in rules that his co-leader has made and, in a rare moment of mercy, doesn't just use his ability to phase through walls instead to amuse himself.

He does use his ability to levitate to get off that bookshelf and ambush Jarlaxle from above as soon as he walks in, attempting to straight up swat that phone out of his hand again, but both of them can levitate so it's not like this is an unfair advantage. ]

I see nothing but advantages for you if you're allowed to teleport as you please, I am putting us on equal footing!

[THERE HE IS. The fact that Jarlaxle didn't just cripple himself with laughter right then and there at the sight of his co-captain sitting on the shelf like some ridiculously behatted gargoyle was commendable, he deserves a medal for it in his opinion. He still snorts at the sight though, whipping the phone around to get the other man in his sights-

And then quickly yanks it away again, he'd no time whatsoever to take that damn picture before Kimmuriel fucking swooped at him. Gargoyle comparison was pretty apt as far as he was concerned.]

I promise I won't even show anyone, it'll be for my eyes only! Nothing on the network at all.

[We've reached the bargaining stage, but this isn't stopping him from hopping onto a nearby couch to try and get off a few shots before Kimmuriel can try another swing at the phone.]

Do you not have the physical advantage here? [ He's good at some things but he'll readily admit when he's not good at something, like Jarlaxle's penchant for acrobatics and dexterity-based nonsense.

When Jarlaxle resorts to bargaining, Kimmuriel contemplates this and then finally stays still enough for Jarlaxle to take his picture (pictures, multiple, if he's quick). His expression is completely sober, annoyed even, if you can ignore the fact he does look a little like he's trying not to smile.

Once that's over, he takes the hat off, but he doesn't remove the feather. ]

Have you had your fun? [ Said in much the same manner as someone asking have you got it out of your system? to someone caught misbehaving. ]

I'm a very fast man, Kimmuriel, and a very dexterous one as well but I don't think I can move faster than teleportation just yet.

[Oh he's very quick, the camera makes it's little digitized shutter sounds rapidly in succession before Kimmuriel can properly remove the hat. The feather still blatantly tucked in it, of course, consider him touched. The tone just has him grinning like the Cheshire cat.]

For now, I suppose. I'll surely find a new way of entertaining myself again sooner rather than later.

[No promises it won't be with Kimmuriel again.]

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