shellphones | video

Entry tags:

video

Type: video
Sender ID: pinksidekicking (Nimona)
To: General
Subject: Distractions, Story Time
Warnings: Vague mention to the kidnappings

[ When Nimona appears on the shellphone, she's wearing a manta ray onesie and has an extremely big manta ray plush as her pillow. ]

I know some big terrible things are happening right now, but that's kinda the point of this. I just need a distraction, because I dunno if I'm gonna get much sleep anyway.

[ She'd rather be out there searching, breaking things... ]

Let's talk about our worlds. It can be about anything. Stories, legends, stuff that's happened to you personally, whatever. I'll start.

[ The shellphone is propped up. ]

My world is weird. We've got knights and a kingdom, but we've also got crazy levels of tech compared to this place. Flying vehicles, laser weapons, those sort of hologram screens. Don't ask me how any of it really works, I only know how to use it.

We've got royalty... though the queen was recently killed. Not sure who's gonna be in charge now. I don't pay that close of attention to what the humans do. And we've got our old stories too. Mostly about a monster and the woman who defeated it a thousand years ago and became a hero.

[ Nimona points at herself. ]

It's me, I'm the "monster". Not really a monster, though, just different from everyone else in my world.

Your turn, if you wanna talk to anyone.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Theoretically Blitzø can ""shapeshift"", himself-- the crystal on his arm should provide a human disguise, but he either doesn't know that or has simply never chosen to utilize it. His eyebrows raise and he whistles softly, making a mental note to ask about what all she can shift.]

[And what the fuck, he likes this girl. A startled bark of laughter leaves him, and he shrugs gently.] Haven't really found a way to replicate the biz here yet, but if I ever do I'm sure I could use your skills in the field.

[He tips his head to the side, scrunching his face with a crooked grin.] Black-- 's like that for all Hellborn, I think.

[ Clearly he should try, it's fun trolling people.

Nimona also has that effect on people sometimes. She's such gremlin energy and loves destruction. ] I've got loooooads of ideas for how people can take revenge.

[ Ooooo. ] So you were actually born in Hell, then. Do humans ever become demons?

[This man has the largest forehead in creation, and yet he has No Thoughts, which is likely why he's not realized he could capitalize on this trolling.]

[He folds his arms behind his head.] I find most people don't need much help with that, but if'n when they do.

[He grins crookedly.] Born 'n raised, never known any different. And yeah-- we call them Sinners, they're most of my clientele back home.

[ Clearly, this must be changed. Someone should help him realizing this trolling potential.

A nod of her head. ] I've got loads of ideas if you ever need them.

How'd you get into the revenge business?

[He points both pointer claws at her, grinning crookedly.] Hired, should I ever start the biz here and find myself with clients who need creativity in their murder schemes.

[He squints, thinking, and scratches the back of his head.] Not specifically in it for the revenge bit, but..., Killing's pretty commonplace in Hell, so when I realized I'm good at it I figured I ought to capitalize. Always wanted an office, so the two just kind of fell in together.

[ A cheeky grin. ] My resume is gonna look so metal in a year or two.

[ Nimona's already got several "jobs". ]

Bet you have a lot of customers. Can't be easy getting revenge from beyond the grave and all.

That's some grand ambition y'got there-- uhh, did not catch your name. My bad.

[He shrugs one shoulder.] We got a leg up so we got pretty popular, I guess!

Well, I haven't really worked much in my thousand year life before this. Except becoming the sidekick of a guy who was framed for assassinating the queen. I'm Nimona!

[ She rolls over to prop her chin up in her hand. ] Do you have any competition? Rival companies that you get into fights with?

[He mouths "thousand year" and looks her over with an incredulous squint, and then shrugs, remembering she can literally shapeshift.] You must have a great skincare routine. [He salutes her casually.] I'm Blitzø, the o is silent.

[His tongue sticks out between two fangs a moment while he ponders the question.] Not... really? Not anymore, at least. I kinda got us a corner on the market with the whole "going to Earth to kill humans for angry sinners" bit, since not everybody can just pop up topside for whatever the fuck reason they wanna.

[ Hehe, Nimona enjoys surprising people with this kinda stuff - looks like she can even surprise demons! She pats her face. ] I use all natural ingredients, you know, whatever I find in the wilds and in the trash. [ pause ] If the o is silent, then can't you just drop the second part of your introduction? At least here where you can be whoever you want.

[ Nimona steeples her fingers. ] "Anymore"? Does that mean you murdered the competition?

[ She should not sound excited about the idea as a human-ish being. ]

[He snorts, a dry laugh crackling up out of him.] The trash, eh? Maybe I'll have to try that. [He blinks, the statement making sense, and shrugs both shoulders.] Force of habit, I dropped the o a long time ago and have just been introducing m'self that way since.

[Another startled laugh.] No-- no, we don't do contracts on people in Hell anymore. Used to, that was where the competition was. Imps-- [He gestures to himself.] Are pretty commonly assassins, at least in rings like Wrath, which was where we started.

[ She's made him laugh, that's good. ] People throw away good stuff all the time! [ There's a thoughtful hum. ] Maybe "Blitzø, the o is silent" is just part of who you are now. And someday you'll evolve into a different name. Sometimes part of who I am is saying "I'm just Nimona" to people.

[ Flopping face first into her plushie. ] Ugh, that's such a metal name for the place you live. Wrath. So much more awesome than the Kingdom. If a Sinner dies in Hell, do they just... come back? Like a cat with nine lives and they can just be murdered over and over again.

[He agrees-- laughter is important. He's got a whole loaded bunch of baggage surrounding it, but Nimona certainly doesn't need to know that. He hums in thought to her suggestion.] That's pretty prophetic, 'mona. [Oop, he's nicknamed you, you've been adopted.]

[Another laugh.] Mmmn, not from Wrath, we just started out there. Currently we're in Pride-- the rings are all named after the Seven Sins, yeah? Pride's just where the Sinners are contained to, so making them our primary clientele meant the move was necessary. [A beat, and he laughs again, but this time it's not especially humorous.] No-- no, death is pretty fuckin' permanent in Hell. Sinner, Hellborn-- when you die that's it. Sinners being in Hell sort of is their second life, I guess.

[ A shrug. ] Eh, prophecies smophecies, that's just plain ol' experience. [ Hee, 'mona! Another nickname and another family member acquired. ]

Hm... Wrath sounds much more fun than Pride, but I guess you gotta go where the customers are. Seven sins... [ Time to count on her fingers. ] Wrath, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Envy, Sloth, and Lust - right? [ She makes a face at the last one because gross (let her be asexual, thanks). ] Kinda sucks that Hellborn don't get a second life. But I also see the appeal of being able to die someday. Like forever. Dunno if that'll ever happen for me.

[He'll probably vacillate between a few variations before he settles on one, but Mona it is, for now. He hums, inspecting his claws.] I dunno that I wanna evolve into another name, dropping the o wasn't really for fun.

[He nods as she names off each sin, chuckling at her grimace over Lust.] You got 'em. Each ruled by the Lording demon of that sin. Wrath is..., fun, I guess, they host the Harvest Moon Festival, involves a bunch of fun country games 'n shit. One of my employees is from there, another's ...well I guess he was born in Wrath but moved to Greed, 'm not really sure. [He looks her over curiously at the mention of death having an appeal, humming.] Immortality seems like it probably bites, 'n I'm always pissing people off being reckless with my very mortal lifespan, so I guess we're kind of opposite ends of a real weird spectrum, there.

[ She will likely accept them all, even the silly ones. Oh, that sounds like a tragic backstory. ] Maybe your next evolution will be fun. Life can't be terrible all the time, right?

[ It's all good for other people, but she'd only be interested in the other rings. ] Wrath hosts... country games? I dunno what counts as a country game, but I love trying to squash the competition. How many employees do you have? [ At least two by the sound of it. ]

Yeah, it kinda does and doesn't at the same time. Like, you can kinda be as reckless as you want and if you die, you just come back. But you also gotta see everyone leave you someday. [ Propping her chin up in her hand. ] I like you, so if you ever piss anyone off here and need a hand, you can call me. I'll turn into a dragon and eat them for you.

[ Truthfully, if she and Blitzø had met back when she first arrived, you can bet he would have had her resume in hand pretty fast. ~~Spoilers: her resume is just a bunch of drawings of her killing people as different animals.~~ ]

[Okay but what if he adopts Momo at some point. He seems to like single-syllable nicknames best, so she might well become just Mo. He grins, but the expression doesn't quite reach his eyes-- he'd argue the "tragic" part because he feels like he caused the whole problem, but yeah, there's some tragedy in the silly Hell lizard.] Yeah, I think I'm good. Hopeful as that sounds, one life-changing evolution is more than enough for this asshole.

[He'll keep Lust, then, no complaints there. Another chuckle, and his posture loosens from where it had coiled up a little at the whole evolution talk.] Obstacle races and tug of war and shit. Not strictly country, just done to a back beat of banjos. Four, kind of? One's my daughter and one's..., New, and possibly temporary, it's a whole thing. He's here, if you ever see a million-foot tall owl guy. That's my secretary in training.

[His posture pins back up again at the notion of seeing everyone leave, and his mouth quirks crooked. He almost makes a quip, inhales to say something, but stops, exhaling in a rush and hunching his shoulders.] That's the part I'd be most bothered by, I think.

[The swift topic change has him barking a short little laugh, and he grins.] Well gee, thanks. I've had pretty shit luck with dragons so it's good to have one on my side.

[Brother he is the dude of doodles, he draws all over shit. He'd have hired her in a fucking heartbeat.]

[ Anytime he called her Momo, she'd probably shift into animal that nickname suits - just to be a little gremlin. Mo is also acceptable. Hey, no one said that a tragic backstory can't be one they made themselves and she'd get that. ~~They could talk about accidentally setting shit on fire and losing their best friend.~~ Hm, enough of this sad talk - time to go back to not thinking about the terrible stuff in their lives. ] Well, meeting me is a life-changing evolution because now I'm never gonna leave you alone!

[ He can absolutely have it. Of course Nimona sees the change in posture and notes that talking about his employees is a good topic. ] Is cheating allowed? I'd totally cheat at those not-so-country games. Your daughter totally counts as an employee. [ A nod of her head and a slightly evil grin. ] I will be on the lookout for a million-foot tall owl guy and hara- bothe- I mean talk to him. Yeah, talk - not those other two things.

[ A nod of her head as they leave the sad immortality and life-changing event stuff alone. ]

Are there dragons in your world or you talking about the ones here?

[ She is the master of resume doodles, Nimona would do great at I.M.P. ]

[It'd be like really weird and specific charades! Kind of. He's game, he loves games. ~~Blitzø will, unfortunately, not be commiserating about fires with anyone, ever, thank you.~~ He likes this plan. Trauma, what trauma? He fixes her with a crooked smile, one that's a bit more genuinely happy and less of a shit-eating grin.] You say that now, but you've only known me like fifteen minutes. What if I turn out to be super annoying or something?

[Months ago, he'd have been annoyed at being Seen, but these days he's a little less bothered by displaying emotion. He honks a laugh at her immediate suggestion of cheating.] It's way more rewarding to win without cheating, but you do what you gotta depending on the competition. Loonie absolutely counts-- she used to just sort of man the phones but she's been doing more field work with us lately. [He will talk forever about his surly daughter, Nimona, don't get him going.] And no, please, harass and bother the absolute fuck out of him, he's awkward and needs friends.

Mmmn, kind of both? Stolas-- that's the owl guy --'s prick of an ex-brother-in-law made a giant-ass ice dragon I had to deal with back home, and then one here decided to kidnap him, too, soooo. We don't have a great record with 'em.

[Hired SO immediately, just for the doodles. More reasons for him to find a way to fashion I.M.P here.]

[ It'll be the best game of charades that will confuse everyone around them, and that's what life's about. ~~They can commiserate by not commiserating.~~ There's a twinkle in Nimona's eye at his question. ] You've only known me for like fifteen minutes. Maybe you'd have to try really really really really hard to annoy me because I'd just be super annoying right back at you.

[ At least what she's Seen is him going from things he doesn't want to talk about to enjoying the conversation. Which is what this whole post is about. ] Eh, it's way more fun to watch someone fall on their face than win. Unless we're playing board games. Is Loonie her name or is that a nickname you call her? Takin' names, killin' people - the family business. [ She says it in a perfect mob boss accent. No, talk about Loona because she would relate soooo hard to this adopted daughter. Nimona gives him a salute. ] Yes boss! I will hunt him down, harass and bother him until he becomes my new friend and get him into all sorts of trouble. That I will also get him out of!

Ooo, an ice dragon. It's a shame when dragons have to listen to pricks. At least most of the dragons here are harmless. They just kinda kidnap people and wait for someone to show up to play hero.

[ Job number three acquired. Nimona can absolutely provide the transportation. Whether by sea, sky, or land - they will travel in style. ]

[As it fucking should be. ~~What happens in trauma stays in trauma.~~ He somehow feels threatened by that twinkle.] Oh-ho, well luckily for you one of my employees is super annoying, I don't know that you'll be able to take Moxxie's crown away from him.

[Perception check: passed with flying colors. He exhales a harsh breath in laughter.] Good news, then: I fall on my face multiple times in a week without trying to win a damn thing. Loonie's a nickname-- her name's Loona, but she's my Looney-Tuney forever, no matter how old she gets. [Clearly why Nimona is now his Eltrut-adopted daughter. Who is also somehow thousands of years old-- semantics. His grin is fond.] He's got this ridiculous posh accent-- if you could somehow miss him by his height, y'can't miss him by that. He's all-- [He throws his voice in a perfect auditory simulation of Stolas, and also a hand through the air.] I never wear shoes because no one makes shoes in my size, it's the best thing to listen to and also make fun of.

[He grimaces.] I'm not entirely sure if the thing was sentient or not, I think it was all controlled by his powers? I hope, at least, given I kind of lobbed its head off to get Stolas out of its gullet. [He wrinkles his snout.] Yeah-- right pain in the ass, but at least the thing didn't hurt him.

[ ~~Eh, she's trying to get over the trauma.~~ As he should be. Nimona's toothy grin goes sharp - like a shark's or a demon's. ] Puh-lease, I've been super duper annoying long before this Moxxie guy was even born. I will eat his crown right off his head.

[ Blitzø is absolutely feeding her gremlin side and it's going to become everyone else's problem. ] I'm gonna take so many pictures and videos of you falling, then I'm gonna send them all to your daughter someday so she doesn't miss a thing. Loona's a cool name. No matter how old you get, you still like it when your dad calls you by your nicknames. [ Age is just a number. The impression of Stolas cracks her up and she's literally rolling on the floor laughing. ] Now I know what to get him as a gift!

[ Nimona shrugs. ] Sometimes dragons are just pricks and deserve to get murdered. Kinda like people! Did it bleed a lot? Did it bleed snow? Was it one smooth swiiiing or did you have to saw it off? [ These are the more important details in her opinion. ] I dunno why the dragons here are interested in kidnapping people. Maybe they're trying to spread the "love" or whatever.

[~~How's that going for her? Maybe B will follow suit.~~ The way she immediately eats up the idea of a challenge-- about being annoying, of all things! Has a grin set on Blitzø's face hard enough his jaw kind of hurts.] He'd absolutely piss himself if y'did that, so if he ever shows up I'm gonna put a little paper crown on his head and I need you to deliver on this promise.

[They're feeding each other's, honestly. Watch out, Eltrut, ridiculous pains in your asses coming through. He barks another laugh.] Fuck, she'd get a kick out of that. [The mention of always liking nicknames startles him, and his expression goes slack at the idea. He knows Loona cares, he knows she's rough around the edges on purpose, same as he is, but-- the idea of her liking his stupid nicknames forever has his heart of hearts squeezed like a little stress ball. He clears his throat when she moves on to his Stolas impression, forcibly climbing out of the moment.] I'unno, he's got some weird-ass bird feet.

Didn't bleed at all, actually? Which is why I figure maybe it wasn't completely sentient, like I just-- [He makes a swinging motion, wide with one arm.] Right at its neck with a sword as big as most of me. Do dragons get lonely? Maybe that's why. [Lord save Eltrut, these two are so ADHD.]

Edited 2025-04-25 17:00 (UTC)

[ ~~Pretty good, actually! Nobody's called her a monster and pointed a sword at her.~~ They are a duo made in hell. ] Oo-oo, I could totally do it as a shark and really make him freak out! Make sure you record it so we can watch it back. I don't wanna miss his expressions.

[ It's good to have someone to gremlin around with, someone to get into trouble with that can also help get each other out of trouble. A happy grin. ] We can take so many pictures to share with your family. [ Nimona can't remember ever having a family, had a shit life, was wanted dead by basically everyone, and then finally finally had someone who cared about her like a dad would... it was the best feeling in the world. Even if sometimes she acts like it's annoying - it's the best feeling in the world. ] Well, we got plenty of birdfolk around here so I'm sure they could come up with something for his weird-ass bird feet.

Ugh, bo-ooooring. It should have at least bleed snow, then splattered in the prick's face. [ Her eyes practically sparkle at the rest of the story though. One swing! ] Metal, a one swing murder. I'm gonna be able to do that one day. Yep, dragons get lonely. [ This world isn't going to know what hit it when these two are together. ]

[~~Unfortunately Blitzø wouldn't mind being called a monster OR having a sword pointed at him, so he will continue to avoid processing his trauma.~~ Born and raised, baby.] Oh, you know it! Wouldn't miss it for the world.

[He will get them in SO much trouble, but barring that one time in court he's actually pretty damn good at getting right back out of it. Charisma, or something. He makes another startled microexpression, and then sets his chin in one hand and grins at the screen.] Yeah? Maybe I wanna take a couple pictures with you, what say you to that? [He'll do his best to not sharpie out his own face.] Man, there are a weird amount of bird people here.

No, you're absolutely right! Even with the circumstances being kind of shit, it definitely would have been way cooler if it bled snow-- and I don't even mean that in a dad joke way!! [He extracts his flintlock from his coat and spins it on a claw, winking.] Usually I go for this baby for one-hits, but-- the sword was what I had on-hand. [He squints at her.] Speaking from experience?

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cw: violent doodles in links.

i have really got to see this movie.

It's a great movie. and this is CR I didn't know I needed

hard same, they're so good

Nimona and Blitzø are here for the found family

over 9000% also pls excuse his icons they expired and i'm at work lol

Nimona's going to collect all the awesome dads. nw nw

don't call him an awesome dad to his face he will CRY.