shellphones | [VOICE] | un: hammertime

Type: Voice with Screencaps!
Sender ID: hammertime
To: Public
Subject: Shellphone Tech Support
Warnings: Stupidity

Okay, I admit I'm not the best when it comes to technology but I'm seriously running out of patience here! All I want to do is text someone! I was able to text them before but then I changed their name in my phone and now I can't AND IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T GET NEAR CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THESE BRANDS BUT IF I CAN'T TEXT SOMEONE NOW EXPLODING PRISONS ARE GONNA BE THE LEAST OF THEIR WORRIES.

[Darin takes a deep, steadying breath. Normally, the person he would go to for tech support is Zelda. A person he cannot presently go anywhere near. So now he's the network's problem.]

Look. Okay. I just. I need someone to look at my contacts and tell me if I screwed something up. Because I don't know what I did. I just changed one contact. I change contact names all the time! All the time!

LOOK. HERE.

CAN ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO TEXT SOMEONE AND EVERY TEXT I [Sounds of fingers furiously tapping] TRY [More tapping] I GET [TAPPING]

... ... ...

"MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED" MY BRIGHT, BLUE ASS!!! WHO THE HELL MADE THESE PIECES OF—

[Darin is drowned out by the sound of wind because he did, in fact, throw his phone.]

[He will retrieve it shortly once it lands.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I-I...I mean...

Th-The bed thing was. You know. She just didn't want me sleeping in a hammock! It's not like we were...sharing it or anything...

But are you sharing it now?

A-Ah...haha...hahahaha...

U-Um...

[Oh yes. Yes.]

[Darin, can't you at least try to lie?]

Thus my point stands.

[HE'S LITERALLY INCAPABLE HE HATES LIARS.]

... ... ...

[Darin doesn't want to go too in-depth with what happened because...well, Jill is likely still grieving. He doesn't want to remind her of what she lost...]

I-It's uh...yeah. We're...you know.

Involved.

[She'll forever be grieving, every day until Clive comes back. If he comes back. But in the meantime, she can still experience joy for her friends.]

Again, congratulations. You deserve some happiness in your life.

Th...Thanks. It's...kinda weird, honestly.

...So, wait. Hold on. You make it sound like everyone thought we'd get together.

Was it that obvious that I liked her...?

[Please ~~don't~~ be gentle.]

Darin, I have been courted only once in my life and even I could see what you felt for her.

W-What?!

I thought I made it clear we were just friends!!

That's what you thought. How you acted was a different story. And one that has now been proven.

Oh come! I was the picture of friendship! There's no way anyone could tell I was in love with her!

Think back to how many people you spoke to during the bed discussion. How many of them had already assumed you and Zelda were together?

[Go ahead and think, Darin. Take your time. She'll wait.]

Well, a lot of people assumed we were sharing a bed and while we might have slept in the same bed every so often, sleeping in the same bed does not mean we had anything going on!

People can totally sleep snuggled up together as friends!

They can, but they usually don't.

[At least in her mind. It's quite improper!]

Also you did not answer what I explicitly asked.

Well maybe we're just better friends than most people.

... ... ...

Alright, pretty much everyone but that doesn't mean they were right!

Even though...they were. But.

COME ON I'M THE PICTURE OF SUBTLETY!!!

Says the man who is yelling at the top of his lungs.

I read in a book once that one who protests so should not be believed.

Fine, want the truth?

I'm so insanely in love with her I don't think there's words big enough to describe it.

Happy now?

I said it.

[Jill begins laughing because wow, she did not expect him to come right out and say all that. But it's laughing, something she hasn't done in over a month, so thanks Darin.]

Happy? I'm overjoyed. For you and for her.

[Because if she can't have love, she will wish it for those she holds dear.]