[VOICE] | un: hammertime

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice with Screencaps!
Sender ID: hammertime
To: Public
Subject: Shellphone Tech Support
Warnings: Stupidity

Okay, I admit I'm not the best when it comes to technology but I'm seriously running out of patience here! All I want to do is text someone! I was able to text them before but then I changed their name in my phone and now I can't AND IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T GET NEAR CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THESE BRANDS BUT IF I CAN'T TEXT SOMEONE NOW EXPLODING PRISONS ARE GONNA BE THE LEAST OF THEIR WORRIES.

[Darin takes a deep, steadying breath. Normally, the person he would go to for tech support is Zelda. A person he cannot presently go anywhere near. So now he's the network's problem.]

Look. Okay. I just. I need someone to look at my contacts and tell me if I screwed something up. Because I don't know what I did. I just changed one contact. I change contact names all the time! All the time!

LOOK. HERE.



CAN ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO TEXT SOMEONE AND EVERY TEXT I [Sounds of fingers furiously tapping] TRY [More tapping] I GET [TAPPING]

... ... ...

"MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED" MY BRIGHT, BLUE ASS!!! WHO THE HELL MADE THESE PIECES OF—

[Darin is drowned out by the sound of wind because he did, in fact, throw his phone.]

[He will retrieve it shortly once it lands.]

Comments

[onebullet]

[ Her fingers dig into his thighs as she leans forwards, pushing up to bring her face close to his. ]

You know what I like..?

[thearchangel]

I've got some ideas... but I'm listening.

[He has bought it. Completely and utterly. Leaning in like he's fully expecting to kiss her.]

[onebullet]

I like...

[ Closer, closer still, leaning up past his face to mutter near the plating approximate to his ear. But her husky tone drops as she whips the curtain back from the ruse: ]

The picture you took. Think I'll have it, actually.

[ One hand is off his thigh, grabbing the forgotten shellphone and then she's away - pushing herself back from him to do a clumsy backwards roll over their bed. Standing at the other side, she grips her prize in both hands and sets about sending the saucy pic to her own phone, cackling merrily to herself. ]

[thearchangel]

[RECORD SCRATCH.]

[This man's brain cannot catch up to what just happened. At all. Like someone just pulled the rug out from under him and his legs are doing that cartoon whirling thing to stay afloat.]

[By the time he's realized what she did, she's already cackling and sending the photo.]

You - I - [WHAT ARE WORDS.] - Shepard please.

[onebullet]

[ Mission successful!

Looking like the cat that got the cream, she tosses Garrus's shellphone onto the bed, gleefully flicking back and forth between the drawing and the newest addition to her collection. The whole time she has the biggest, shit-eating grin on her face.

Eventually, she looks back up to her bewildered partner... ]

Told you I'd have it, Garrus.

[thearchangel]

[UGHHHHH...]

[He folds his arms, sitting back in the chair and scowling. He's not actually mad, he's just embarrassed he got fooled so easily. And boy did he ever. Hook line and sinker.]

You are a diabolical woman, Shepard.

[onebullet]

Hey, I've been called worse.

[ She slips the shellphone into her pocket and dusts her hands, still looking mighty pleased with herself, wandering over to where he's sulking in his chair. ]

Here, a consolation prize.

[ Leaning down, she takes his chin in hand and tips his head back, planting a firm kiss on his mouth. To guard from wandering talons, her other hand is stuffed protectively into the pocket inhabited by her phone... just in case. ]

[thearchangel]

You? Can't believe it.

[But... okay. He'll take that consolation prize. Wholeheartedly. He'll even be good and not try to grab her phone back. This time.]

Well. Consider me consoled.

[onebullet]

[ Shepard laughs, rubbing her thumb along his jaw line. ]

See, a happy outcome for the both of us.