shellphones | (no subject)

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(no subject)

Type: Accidental Video
Sender ID: 🖕nunya🖕(Sidestep)
To: Public
Subject:
Warnings: Mention of death and torture. Threads are likely to end up going deeply traumatic places.

(It's a typical day on Nogard, though many people who see this might be elsewhere.

Many have probably heard by now that Chris is dead. Has been dead for several days, in fact, after being captured and tortured by Ganon.

Except... they're not?

That's definitely a shot of a very panicked looking Chris running... somewhere, not paying attention to the shellphone clutched in their hand or noticing that it's recording.

Several people can be heard yelling in surprise in the background as Chris darts past them.

...The fuck are they even running from? It doesn't sound like they're being chased.

The hand holding the shellphone bumps into something, and the video cuts out.)

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(They scoff, and don't say anything, instead just sulking around like a creeper. A creeper who won't help with anything, so they're also an asshole.

They do an admirable job of resisting the lure of strawberries, despite how hungry they are. Faulkner eating one does not make them crack, but they do sulk at him, as if angry that he gets to have strawberries when they don't even though it's pretty clear they are, in fact, welcome to have some strawberries and it's their own stubborn refusal keeping them from enjoying the delights of fruit freshly picked from a garden.)

...You can have one you know.

[ He knows they'll probably insist on refusing, but come on. Just eat a fucking strawberry Chris, they are partly for you.

He even mentioned that to Keigo before when he was planting them. Though he didn't spell out the fact that it was somewhat meant to be a peace offering. ]

Need a second opinion on whether they taste normal. Still gettin' used to the whole using magic.

(They catch that bit of thought and hunch up a little, as though trying to protect themself from Faulkner's care.)

...Whatever. (They snatch a strawberry.) Fuck you, Faulkner.

Fuck you too, buddy.

[ His tone is mild. He can take being sworn at if they're going ahead and eating something. That's a small win.

...Though he tries not to think too hard about seeing it as a win. Which probably doesn't help. But hey, at least the strawberry's good? ]

They taste right, or no?

(They pop the strawberry into their mouth and bite down.

...And for a moment, their eyes widen in a way that's probably alarming: it looks like they might tear up almost, but they shake their head, turning away.)

They're fine. (It might be incredibly obvious at this point that Chris is trying very hard to not be overwhelmed. Nothing is going how they expected it to, and even if that's a good thing--they expected things to be horrible--it's still not good for their stress.)

[ And that's at least somewhat familiar.

...He can't really judge when he recently had a breakdown over a date going better than expected and finding that overwhelming.

But that doesn't mean he's actually sure what to do for someone else. Especially someone that he does have a lot of questions for sooner or later. ]

Okay. Glad they didn't turn out weird.

Yeah.

(Their voice is slightly throaty, and they very pointedly aren't looking at him.

Give them another minute or two, and they will quietly steal another strawberry.)

[ Well, that's a start. That's something. For the moment he'll just keep picking at garden tasks and hope they steal more strawberries. He's a little worried talking to them too much more too soon will scare them off. ]

(Once they realize he's not gonna comment or bother them, they will, in fact, start stealing more strawberries while admiring the plants.

Their attention drifts. Though the minds of a lot of things that live in gardens are too small or too shallow for them to read, the sense of living things going about their day unbothered is ...soothing.)

[ The longer he just waits the more he finds things to be anxious about, unfortunately. That said, finding things to do keeps that part of his mind relatively quiet, and he's glad they're eating.

At some point Angel will come and try to bother him to play, nosing at him with one nose while carrying two sticks. ]

I'm workin'. You should make Chris throw those for you.

[ And he'll nod in their direction. Looks like they're not getting out of some attention. ]

(They sense Angel coming and immediately reach out to touch his mind, to ground themself in the unfettered essence that is a dog... dogs? Cerberus minds are weird.

Maybe that's what protects them from accidentally drawing his attention away from Faulkner.

Of course, then Faulkner directs Angel toward them anyway.

They look up, startled.)

Pretty sure he needs two people to throw those sticks. (Fuck you, you're not getting out of this.)

[ And well, the biggest thing Chris will glean from the dog minds is this: as much as they do want attention, it's more about pestering Faulkner because their human has been seeming unhappy. Maybe throwing a stick will help.

Angel's attention is fairly easily redirected all the same, and he'll sniff at Chris a lot because Chris hasn't been around lately. ]

Guess you've got me there.

[ Even if he wasn't so much trying to get out of this as just hoping it might be a good distraction. ]

(Chris smells of fear and blood and death and dark magic. More specifically, they smell scared and distressed and there are lingering traces of bad injuries from bad magic despite them being okay now.

Normally there'd also be the smell of--usually unscented--soap and the various foods they like to keep on their person, but they are both unwashed and also have no food on them other than the strawberries they've been eating. They probably smell like those too.)

Come on Dick, grab a stick.

(They say, as they reach out and try to take one of the sticks from Angel. Well, apparently they can still try and be funny, at least?)

Edited 2025-09-01 06:06 (UTC)

[ This is worrisome enough that the head not holding a stick whines a little before trying to lick Chris. The other allows them to take the stick. ]

Yeah, that? That... I did not miss.

[ Is it too soon to make that kind of joke? Who knows. At least they'll be able to tell it's meant mildly. Either way, he'll grab the other stick from Angel, who chooses to be slightly more difficult about this one before relinquishing it. ]

Can't all get what we want... Dick.

(Fuck you, Faulkner. If they have to live you have to deal with dick jokes.

They don't try to stop the licking unless he gets in the way of them throwing the stick.)

Edited 2025-09-01 07:13 (UTC)

Guess not.

[ And he huffs. At least this exchange feels... almost normal? Almost. That's a start.

Angel will stop licking Chris when they actually throw the stick. Faulkner waits a little bit to throw the second one and then the heads nip at each other lightly as they disagree over whether to change course. ]

(They watch this and snort.)

Should try throwing them both in opposite directions at the same time.

We can, but I'm blamin' you for the idea.

[ ...Except they're the one Angel can actually understand. Whatever, minor detail.

Angel, meanwhile, settles on collecting the first stick after all before trotting over to the second one. ]

You're not the one who talks to dogs. Maybe I'll blame you for the idea.

(They don't seem entirely serious... but then, they'd probably also find it funny to blame him.)

[ And this gets a laugh at least.]

Hey! Don't you lie to my dog just because you can.

[ He pauses while Angel brings the sticks back and throws it again, before adding something. ]

So the whole talkin' to animals...?

[ It's part of the same thing? Maybe he shouldn't ask, but he suspects Chris would know he's wondering anyway. ]

...Yeah. I'm touching their minds.

(They watch as Faulkner throws the stick, then throw their own... in the opposite direction, because they are, in fact, that kind of asshole.)

Edited 2025-09-04 07:05 (UTC)

...Okay. Explains some things, I guess.

[ And he has plenty more questions, but he's trying to decide how to phrase them. They'll probably be aware of him mentally spinning his wheels about that, at least until he's distracted.

Angel tries to run after one stick, before another head tries to go for the second stick. They end up skidding to a halt and scrabbling their paws on the ground before flopping over and giving the humans a really long look. Betrayal. ]

(Chris very obviously makes a show of helplessly pointing at Faulkner.

They don't actually tell Angel that he did it though: there are lines even a villain shouldn't cross and lying to a dog for amusement is one of them.

...Still, it'll be funny if he thinks they did.)

[ He looks offended and points at them back. ]

No, no, I threw mine first. You saw.

[ Not that the dog will actually understand him, but apparently he feels the need to point this out. Angel's heads glance between them and one huffs. ]

And then he told me to throw mine the other way.

(They still aren't telling Angel what they're saying.

They look at Faulkner disapprovingly.)

For shame. You should give him a treat to make up for it.

(They will however, tell Angel that there might be treats in it for him if he acts extra offended and sad.)