shellphones | Superstitions Smoocherstitions!

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Superstitions Smoocherstitions!

Type: Video
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book2thehead (Shikanoin Heizou)
To: General Public
Subject: Drunk Detectives Dunk On Dumb Delusions
Warnings: beware of alcohol, kids

[It's that once in a blue moon time where Heizou makes a public appearance on the network. And it becomes quite clear why once the feed comes on: his face is quite pink and he has a big cheeky grin on his face and a bottle of wine in the hand that isn't holding the camera. So... Yeah, he appears to be drunk.

He also appears to be outside somewhere, despite how late it is. And he is also not alone! Beside him there appears to be one (1) Sherlock Holmes, currently laying down on his seat with his feet up in the air and his head dangling over the edge. He is also attempting to play his violin from this position, for.... some reason. Science? Science.

Either way, the video feed turns on to the sound of Heizou giggling and Sherlock's violin playing. And Heizou trying to figure out what position he needs to be sitting in to send out his Very Important Message. He finds it eventually, with the shellphone angled so that both he and Sherlock are in frame - or at least Sherlock's feet are - and he addresses his invisible audience with an even bigger grin.]

Ah-- Here! Helloooo one and all~! Your friendly local detective agency has decided to take on the mysteeeerious case of.... Sailor superstitions~! That is right my dear rift-jumping fellows, we've even decided to do this one pro bono! That means freeeee~

[There's a moment of fumbling the camera, and once it settles Heizou is holding the camera out at arm's length to reveal where he and Sherlock are: what appears to be a fake boat, crudely built and sitting on land (so to speak) like a playground for children. Did they find this? Did they drunkenly grab chairs and tables and bits of wood to build it themselves? Who knows. But it sure is... vaguely boat-shaped.]

Now as you can see here, the great Mr. Sherlock Holmes and yours truly are currently on board a boat! And as you can also see- [He tilts his head down slightly so that the camera gets a better angle on all his burgundy-colored hair.] -my hair is quite red! But have we run into any bad luck on our voyage? Nooope~! Aaaand POOF! Myth busted!

[At this point Sherlock chimes in drunkenly from off-screen:]

Heizou, did we test all the ways to swirl the alcohol? Did we forget one? [Since obviously up and down is an option-] The taste didn't change at all!

[Someone should... probably stop them. Or maybe join them! Decisions, decisions...]

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[Lynette is in for a treat. Heizou is a cheery sort of drunk, especially when in the company of someone like Sherlock, whom he considers a close friend. She can watch them drunkenly discuss more silly superstitions that they've heard or read about from various places, and burst into fits of laughter when they talk about something especially silly.

They are probably not going to notice Lynette for a while. After all, they're far out to sea on their boat.]

[ Sherlock is less of a cheery drunk. He will giggle from time to time, but he is just as easily prone to falling into a sadder mood. Luckily, Heizou is keeping the tone light and distracting him.

While the two detectives might have each other's attention, a tea time companion walks over to bump into Lynette's ankle. It has a tiny little pirate captain's hat on and has been trying (and failing) to get the detectives to drink tea (or water). Now it is doing the same to Lynette.

It seems the two have nominated the enchanted teapot to be the captain of their landlocked ship. ]

[ There's something charming about the way the two of them drunkenly frolick around. To be so unguarded and carefree is a freedom she doesn't have (and isn't sure she would want), but it's nice to see that they're enjoying it to the fullest.

The little teapot nudges her ankle, and seeing the sort of the touch gets a genuine smile out of her. Once she realizes what it's trying to do, she shakes her head. ]

No, thank you. I don't need anything to drink.

But I can help you get something other than wine into them. Come on.

[ She reaches down and gently picks the teapot up, handling it as carefully as she would a cat she found on the street. Then she wanders over to the Mythbusters and calls out. ]

You both need to drink water.

[The call of a voice not coming from the shellphone gets Heizou to look up, eyes big and bright despite the drunken haze that has also settled in. And when he spots the familiar figure of Lynette in the not so far off distance, he immediately moves to the nearest bit of railing and leans out over it, a hand over his eyes as if he's squinting against the sun as he looks out to sea.]

Goodness! My dear Sherlock, we appear to have spotted a real live mermaid on our voyage. And look! She seems to also be part cat!

[This is apparently hilarious, since Heizou quickly dissolves into a little fit of giggles. And then he raises an arm to wave enthusiastically.]

Helloooo~! We are the good ship Sh.... Sha.... Holmzou~!

[ Teason puts up no resistance to being picked up and carried. In fact, he very content to stay held. Quite the little gentleman. ]

Wouldn't a mermaid that is part cat be a catfish?

[ Sherlock finally rights himself in a more proper orientation to peer over the edge of the ship and see who Heizou is talking about. ]

Oh, Miss Lynette, and... when did the captain abandon ship?

[ Teason is the best gentleman!

Lynette finds herself at a bit of a crossroads. A large part of her wants to tell them to stop screwing around and get a hold of themselves. But again, there's a charm and strange sense of wholesomeness here that she doesn't want to stifle.

It would feel too much like telling the children of the House not to play during the fleeting moments in between missions where they can actually be children. She doesnt have the heart to do it, so she decides to simply play along. They're more likely to eat and hydrate if she does, anyway, so it kills two birds with one stone. ]

Welcome, Sha-Holmzou sailors. Your captain came and found me to invite me to your crew.

[ That's more or less accurate. ]

How may a catfish mermaid be of assistance?

[Heizou beams at Lynette, extra pleased that she's playing along with them -- though whether or not he's aware of their game at the moment is really anyone's guess. He just looks between Lynette and Captain Teason with a bright grin on his face, practically clapping his hands in delight.]

Come aboard, come aboard! I'm sure we have many mermaid-related myths to confirm now that you're here~ For instance--

[He leans forward on the railing, propping his chin up in his hands with a little smirk.]

Do catfish eat other fish??

[That's... not myth-related, but okay, Heizou.]

[ They may say they are doing detective work, but what they really are doing is just being foolish young men without the pressures they and society place on them for an evening. The great detectives are still human after all. ]

Why wouldn't a catfish eat other fish? That is common enough in the ocean, and cats like fish.

[ It seems logical, and then... ]

I would be more concerned if we were to learn that catfish eat cats than fish.

I don't know about actual catfish, but I can confirm that catfish mermaids eat fish, not cats.

[ SHE COULD NEVER. She relates far too closely with cats to consider one anything but a friend. ]

Before we get into testing myths about mermaids, would you like some water and snacks? I brought some with me as a show of good will.

[ Hopefully they have just enough sense of ~societal pressures~ left in them to take the bait. It's only polite to accept such a gesture, after all! ]

We can also test myths regarding women and ships, if you're interested. I've heard a few in my time here.

[A dastardly trick, but it does seem to work on Heizou at least. The appearance of a guest, even a mercat on their landlocked ship, should still be treated with the utmost hospitality! Unless of course she turns out to be evil. But that's different.]

Of course, of course! Please, sit with us while we continue our discussion!

[Plus, Lynette bringing up more superstitions to test has Heizou clapping his hands and excitedly motioning for her to join them.]

Oh my goodness, that would be wonderful! The more we can inform everyone of how ridiculous these myths are, the better we'll all be!

[ Societal pressure doesn't stop Sherlock from poking the snack with a finger. His investigative curiosity overpowers that. Might need to tell him to stop playing with his food. ]

I believe male sailors are afraid of women because women can be very terrifying. Does the sentiment change with a crew of not male or female sailors? What if men wear dresses and look pretty? Does that cause problems? Do we need to test that?

[ Success! It's almost like Lynette is used to sneaking in to help in situations like these. ]

I'd love to sit with you while we eat and discuss how ridiculous these superstitions are.

[ She respects the intent, even if the methods are questionable.

Sherlock's drunken babbling catches her attention, and she tilts her head slightly with curiosity. ]

What about women is so terrifying?

[Understanding of what Sherlock is saying, Heizou just laughs cheerfully.]

I believe Sherry's speaking from his inexperience! Obviously as men, neither of us can be fully understanding of how a woman thinks or feels, and that can make interacting with them difficult and scary! On top of that, many of the women I know or have personally worked with are intimidatingly powerful... Your Father, for example! She's a true force to be reckoned with~

[And frankly, Heizou has nothing but the utmost respect for all those women. Good on them for being so strong and amazing!]

Some of the most powerful and most motivated people are women. I have seen many look at a society that has failed them and take matters into their own hands. Some had faced such cruelty and horror, and instead of breaking and accepting their fates, they continue with using whatever means available. They solve problems where men have created them. Even those women who would be considered broken still fight to the bitter end.

[ He has nearly been killed by a few, and those near misses are burned into his mind attic more than any male ruffian from a bandit lair. ]

And yet my homeland considers them the fairer sex. Yes, there are those who act feebly and faint upon couches, but I have since learned that women should not be underestimated. Better to aid them or steer clear of them lest you fall out of their good graces.

[ Perhaps it's a bit meanspirited, but it's kind of funny watching their reaction to her challenge. She decides not to keep pressing it, especially since it sounds like Sherry's statement doesn't come from a dark place. ]

Fair enough. I just had to make sure you two are pirates I'm willing to associate with.

[ Also yeah, it was kind of a test. ]

It's a shame how women are often overlooked, but it can be an advantage if she knows how to use that power. I've learned that lesson well.

[ She will not elaborate. ]

But we're here to disprove things like "women will bring bad luck and make your ship sink." I think we can all agree that's ridiculous.

[Heizou grins, sliding a sly, knowing look Sherlock's way. The implication of Lynette's words are not lost on him, even while he's in a state like this, and he simply can't help but make a comment.]

Ooooh~ I see our dear Miss Lynette is just as powerful as the best of them! Isn't she, Sherry?

[Then he chuckles again, reaching over to give Lynette a friendly pat on the arm.]

We'll keep your secrets, my fair cat-mermaid. We may be humble sailors on a quest for knowledge, but we hail from lands of respect and honor! And that's exactly why we all know that the mere presence of a woman is not enough to sink a whole ship! In fact, we should make a grand toast to all women across all worlds, ship or no ship~!

[ It comes from a mix of dark places and badass women. Mrs. Hudson is a force to be reckoned with when angered about a ruined pot from science experiments. Sherlock thought the next body to turn up in the Thames was his own. He doubts no one would convict her either. (Yeah... he deserved that ire.)

He nods along to what both Lynette and Heizou are saying. But then Heizou starts going about lands of respect and honor... ]

Heizou, I come from a land that doesn't respect or honor because everyone keeps telling me how horrible things are whenever they learn about my world.

We also lack bread for toast, and I don't have any sandwiches in my pocket.

[ By the way, Teason is still being the cutest little teapot gentleman who is not concerned about these antics though wishes people would hydrate more. ]

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