Superstitions Smoocherstitions!

[book2thehead]

Type: Video
Sender ID: book2thehead (Shikanoin Heizou)
To: General Public
Subject: Drunk Detectives Dunk On Dumb Delusions
Warnings: beware of alcohol, kids

[It's that once in a blue moon time where Heizou makes a public appearance on the network. And it becomes quite clear why once the feed comes on: his face is quite pink and he has a big cheeky grin on his face and a bottle of wine in the hand that isn't holding the camera. So... Yeah, he appears to be drunk.

He also appears to be outside somewhere, despite how late it is. And he is also not alone! Beside him there appears to be one (1) Sherlock Holmes, currently laying down on his seat with his feet up in the air and his head dangling over the edge. He is also attempting to play his violin from this position, for.... some reason. Science? Science.

Either way, the video feed turns on to the sound of Heizou giggling and Sherlock's violin playing. And Heizou trying to figure out what position he needs to be sitting in to send out his Very Important Message. He finds it eventually, with the shellphone angled so that both he and Sherlock are in frame - or at least Sherlock's feet are - and he addresses his invisible audience with an even bigger grin.]

Ah-- Here! Helloooo one and all~! Your friendly local detective agency has decided to take on the mysteeeerious case of.... Sailor superstitions~! That is right my dear rift-jumping fellows, we've even decided to do this one pro bono! That means freeeee~

[There's a moment of fumbling the camera, and once it settles Heizou is holding the camera out at arm's length to reveal where he and Sherlock are: what appears to be a fake boat, crudely built and sitting on land (so to speak) like a playground for children. Did they find this? Did they drunkenly grab chairs and tables and bits of wood to build it themselves? Who knows. But it sure is... vaguely boat-shaped.]

Now as you can see here, the great Mr. Sherlock Holmes and yours truly are currently on board a boat! And as you can also see- [He tilts his head down slightly so that the camera gets a better angle on all his burgundy-colored hair.] -my hair is quite red! But have we run into any bad luck on our voyage? Nooope~! Aaaand POOF! Myth busted!

[At this point Sherlock chimes in drunkenly from off-screen:]

Heizou, did we test all the ways to swirl the alcohol? Did we forget one? [Since obviously up and down is an option-] The taste didn't change at all!

[Someone should... probably stop them. Or maybe join them! Decisions, decisions...]

Comments

text; un: vulturvolans

[indispensable]

[There are many, many things he can say to this, but he's dealt with enough drunken people (read: Kaveh) to know that its pointless to say anything now, so:]

Don't ruin the floor.

[...yeah that's all he's going to say.]

VIDEO BACK, ENJOY

[book2thehead]

[By this point Heizou is laying on the floor, the bottle of wine and his cup seemingly forgotten on the chair he was sitting upon earlier. The damage is basically already done, though; both Heizou and Sherlock are quite far along in their drunkenness. Though Sherlock's a lightweight to begin with. Heizou's just had more to drink.]

Oh...? Well well, if it isn't senpai himself! Sherry, did you know texting him is as good as speaking to him face to face since his face hardly changes?

[Does he realize the video is still on? Maybe. Maybe he just doesn't care. Either way he turns back to the camera with a hazy grin, clearly amused with himself.]

This floor is ground, senpai! How could we ruin it~?

[Heizou, what-]

Video

[empyrean_mirror]

Shikanoin Heizou.

[DO NOT INSULT HIS HUSBAND, EXCUSE YOU?]

Video

[book2thehead]

[Oh. Oh, he doesn't like that tone of voice at all. It makes him sit a little more upright, but his expression shifts to one more of confusion than anything else.]

'Tou-san?

Video

[empyrean_mirror]

Incorrect.

[If he had a mora for every time someone called him dad...]

When you sober up I expect an apology for the denigration of Haitham's character.

[book2thehead]

[Confused. Heizou has to lean closer to the shellphone and squint--]

Oh! It's Kaveh~!

[He looks vaguely relieved. As if he has not yet fully realized what he said and who he said it to.

Assuming he even really cares one way or another right now.]

Would you like to come out and drink with us, senpai?

[empyrean_mirror]

Not if you're gonna keep being mean to my husband.

He is plenty expressive, for the record.

[HMMMPH.]

[book2thehead]

[His head tilts to the side - which probably looks funny when he's still lying on the ground, just messing up the halo of hair around him - and chuckles.]

Oh, Kaveh~ Kaveh, Kaveh, Kaveh. We all know he's really only expressive around you~

[He does think this is very funny, letting out an exaggerated, overdramatic sigh.]

Around me I think I've only seen him twitch ever so slightly to express his disdain!

[empyrean_mirror]

That's not true! You're just looking at the wrong things. Aren't you supposed to be a detective?

[He's SO easy to read wdym Heizou just watch the sprout--]

[book2thehead]

[Heizou just laughs again, twirling his fingers in the air and making more little teal particles appear around them. Even leaving some glowy lines that only last for a second, as he draws a vague shape of a leaf.]

Senpai, you're mixing up expressiveness and being readable! I may be able to read the signs, but that doesn't mean he draws his emotions plainly upon his face~

he is not enjoying this

[indispensable]

[For better or worse such statements are not uncommon to hear for Alhaitham, so they easily roll off him like water off a duck's back.]

The floor isn't going to absorb your vomit once you two start throwing up.

For your sake, I hope you two have enough towels prepared.

ENJOY IT, DAMMIT

[book2thehead]

[Heizou chuckles and waves a hand, dismissing the notion and making more little teal particles swirl around as he does so.]

Ohh, we'll be fine~ I never throw up!

[Is this true? Who knows. Heizou will never tell!]

no

[indispensable]

[Spoken with all the confidence of a man who is probably going to throw up.]

Maybe not you, but the same can't be said for Sherlock.

[Repressed Victorian + alcohol = bad times.]

[book2thehead]

Hehe, you're right, he's not very good at drinking. But I'm here to look after him!

[Though also Freminet (and Lynette) is probably already on his way, so...]

[indispensable]

Somehow I have a distinct feeling that's not how things are going to work.

[He is so, so dry.]

[book2thehead]

[Another wave of his hand, totally unbothered.]

It'll be fiiiiine. You're welcome to come take Sherlock home... If you can!

[indispensable]

[Why is Heizou making it sound like a challenge when it really isn't if he really wants to.]

I'm not here to help you out of the graves you've both dug yourselves into.

[They're both going to be so hungover and he is not going to be there for it.]

voice | un: astudyinviolet

[astudyinviolet]

Is the floor going to disappear? Not again....

going voice for sherlock lmao

[indispensable]

The paneling might take a hit from the acid, I suppose.

[The nice, well-made paneling that Kaveh worked so hard to do so nicely...

Better be careful there Sherlock, not even being an adopted son will spare you the wrath that comes with ruining your father's work.]

Gotta be able to do the disappointed father voice

[astudyinviolet]

[ He didn't know Kaveh made the playboat! How much of Eltrut is Kaveh-Made? ]

Why is there acid now? Acid--

[ A pause as Sherlock realizes the completely wrong meaning from this. ]

Death by acid would be a new one for me.

:C the most disappointed

[indispensable]

[Alhaitham usually does not swear to the gods but Celestia wherever the fuck you are please grant him strength.]

The acid from your stomach should you throw up.

[Which he's like 90% sure is going to happen.]

8c

[astudyinviolet]

[ Celestia has no power here. The only strength Alhaitham can depend on is his own. ]

I'm not nauseous though, and this ship had sailed remarkable smoothly.

[ As in hasn't sailed anywhere at all. He's also only had one glass of wine with some food in his stomach, not that Alhaitham knows that. ]

Re: 8c

[indispensable]

Give it an hour.

[Probably less than that, actually. But he'll be generous for Sherlock's sake.]

[astudyinviolet]

[ There is a small click as Sherlock checks his pocket watch for the time. It's later than he thought it was. ]

Shall I report back in an hour?

[indispensable]

Sure.

[...if Sherlock is still conscious by then, anyway. If Alhaitham were a betting man, it would be very much on a resounding 'no'.]