text; un: archangel | Free Snacks

[thearchangel]

Type: Text
Sender ID: thearchangel (Garrus Vakarian)
To: Everyone
Subject: House cleaning with your neighborhood alien.
Warnings: None

Does anyone want any of this?

[Attached to the message is an image of many, many boxes of Pocky. There's so much. And it's all untouched.]

Before anyone asks "what kind is there", there's all kinds. No, I'm not selling it, just come take it away. Yes, I know there's a lot. No, I'm not going to eat it.

It's not opened, either. I just don't want it.

[Someone finally went back to his hole in the wall apartment after... a long time, and decided to finally clean house.]

Comments

» text | un: tilfrosset

[tilfrosset]

What is that?

[Sir, you can't just post strange looking sticks on the network and expect everybody to get it.]

[thearchangel]

[Sorry, Jill. He assumed it was a Human Thing(tm) all over-]

It's... a cookie with chocolate, or other kinds of flavor on it. That's how it was described to me.

[tilfrosset]

[Wow, Garrus! So you think all humans eat the same things? How dare!]

I see. Never seen any that look quite like that before.

But do you not like cookies?

[Surely, he'd want to keep a few boxes of treats for himself!]

[thearchangel]

Me either. Before a bunch of them wound up at my place.

[The little text of: Garrus Is Typing... pops up. Stops. Pops up again. Repeat several times before the answer comes over.]

No. If you want them, they're yours.

[tilfrosset]

How do so many cookies just end up at your place? Someone had to bring them.

[That sentence is far too short for how long it took Garrus to type and there's just that bit of women's intuition niggling at the back of Jill's head that's too loud for her to ignore.]

Is something the matter?

[thearchangel]

Nothing's the matter, I just don't want them.

Someone brought them, yeah, but that doesn't matter. Do you want them or not?

Text; un: chatteblanche

[chatteblanche]

what’s the catch?

[ Surely, someone would not give cookies away without expecting something in return! ]

text; perfpilot

[sos_pilot]

I'LL TAKE ALL OF IT

[ do not let her have all of it ]

text; un: deepstar

[deepstar]

How and why do you have so much of it?

[thearchangel]

No catch.

I'm not going to eat them, and I don't have space to just store them somewhere. Whoever takes them off my hands is doing me a favor.

[thearchangel]

[Please take all of it.]

If you can carry it, sure. Go ahead.

[thearchangel]

Someone left it behind.

[Which is. Ominous. But easiest explanation.]

I don't want it. They're not going to eat it.

[sos_pilot]

[ garrus no ]

SWEET! literally lol

how did you even GET all that anyway???

[tilfrosset]

I don't know.

[Something tells her this isn't about cookies.]

You seem a little... [snippy, short, rude?] ...brusque.

[thearchangel]

I'm just tired. Haven't been at the apartment in a while - working.

[That bit, at least, is true. He's been out doing Manta quests and bounties. Not going home.]

[But it's fine.]

[thearchangel]

Someone left it behind.

Take as much of it as you want.

[deepstar]

Hmmm. So you, yourself, aren't a fan.

[thearchangel]

No. I'm really not.

So - I'd rather give them away.

[sos_pilot]

their loss! that was one of the biggest things i missed when I was away from earth! it'll be a miracle if i don't eat it all tonight!

text | un: skypatrol

[playertwotailed]

That's *so many* boxes. How long have you had them all? Because I'll take as much as I can carry, as long as it isn't from a secret stash that's been piling up for years.

[He considers carefully.]

Actually, I might still take some either way. These kinds of snacks usually have crazy long shelf lives.

[thearchangel]

Yeah. It is.

[Hahahahahaha.]

Anyway, sending the location. I'll - be here most of the day.

[thearchangel]

Probably a year. Little less. Packages aren't open.

[Was that really all it was? About a year? It feels like no time at all.]

Can't really tell you how the dates match up with time here, but they're probably fine.

[playertwotailed]

Yeah, if it's just one year they should still be good! I'd be surprised if they've even gone stale inside the package. I'll come and grab a dozen soon.

But I really am curious — why do you have so many?

[chatteblanche]

that makes sense. it's a win-win proposition.

do we need to bring our own means of taking them away?

[thearchangel]

... You know, you probably should.

I under-estimated how many boxes there were.