Backdated to July 2nd

[general_affairs]

Type: Video
Sender ID: general-affairs
To: Public
Subject: Weird ass birds
Warnings: Swearing, nsfw topics



[ So there's a redhead on screen, and he's sitting outside, clearly. It's a nice, sunny day. There are clouds overhead. He looks like he's maybe sitting against something. From the color and texture, and the greenery around him, it looks like he's just casually sitting under a tree.

Why is Reno out near the wood's edge? Mind your business. ]

So, you guys hear that?

[ He lowers the camera so the viewers get a vague view of his be-goggled forehead, a bushel of red hair, and a whole lot of tree canopy overhead. Nothing else is happening, except, after a few moments, there it is:

a faint 'DICKS!!'.

There are a few more replies of 'DICKS!!' echoing from various directions. ]

Anyone wanna tell me why the woods're screamin' about dicks?

I mean--shit. Me too, buddy. But I don't go yellin' about it, yo.

Comments

[empyrean_mirror]

...We didn't have much of a chance to.

[Lily is, of course, thrilled to be picked up by Father so is purring up a storm as she is dangled. Kaveh sighs and just. Walks over to open the nearest window to create an escape path before Ranma goes feral here.]

Let's all learn from this today, hmm?

Rolled a 4, rip ranma's face

[catsgothistongue]

[Why why why did they just have to have adopted one of those furry bastards with legs?! Lack of foresight's biting him hard today. Speaking of biting, his teeth chatter against one another hard enough to sound like they could crack the more and more Alhaitham held up Shadowlily.]

G-GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

[Bless you for being the better dad Kaveh, opening the window for your terrified son. Unfortunately, due to him being a bit frazzled by his antithesis being shoved at his face, he missed the window when he jumped by this much.

CRASH!

His body hanged there for a few seconds, face stuck to the wall, before falling down in an undignified clump on the floor. Twitches and pained groans emitted from the teen's pathetic form.]

here lies ranma satome, death by cat

[indispensable]

[Ranma's shouting frankly isn't anything worse than what he has to handle with Kaveh, so it barely affects him at all as he unapologetically continues to hold up the purring Shadowlily. You break into their house, Ranma, you get wrecked. And speaking of wrecked...

Seeing the way the teenager had screamed, attempted to dart off and then end up crashing into the window is pretty much like watching a train wreck in motion. Which is exactly what Alhaitham does while still holding onto Shadowlily, who is just absolutely basking in this attention right now.

As Ranma lies prone and twitching on the ground with his pride crushed, Alhaitham glances over to his husband and sends a look that basically tells him to handle this. This is his scraggly stray that he refuses to give up on, after all.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Is this what comeuppance taste like? Pain?]

[empyrean_mirror]

[Kaveh gives Alhaitham an equally flat look back, before going to scoop the heap of teenager up off the floor.]

Alright, let's try the front door this time, shall we?

[Mehrak's floated off to get some painkillers and an ice pack for Ranma's face. Shadowlily...has wriggled around to rub on Alhaitham's face because she is counting this as cuddles, alright.]

[catsgothistongue]

[The teen's slack-yet-rigid, jittery body is scooped up by the man, holding onto his arm like a lifeline. Might be gripping too hard, though it shouldn't leave any bruises on the man unless he's really, REALLY weak.]

K-Kitty... Awful kitty...

[Probably should drag him out of said front door, cause his legs are refusing to leg properly.]

[indispensable]

[Said 'awful kitty', as Ranma puts it, is purring once more as Alhaitham idly pets her, partly so that she'll stop rubbing at his face and also because its the least he can do to the massive favor she has just done. Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to have her around after all...]

Find me in the kitchen when you're done. [He says to Kaveh as he deals with the teenager, walking off in the direction of the kitchen once he's said that with Shadowlily still in his arms. As far as he's concerned, the cat deserves a treat or two after this.]

[empyrean_mirror]

Lily's fine, Ranma.

[He sighs a bit, but he'll drag Ranma out the door and put the ice pack on his face. Here, look. Outside, away from the cat, you baby.]

Here, she's inside and you're not, take some of these for your face. I think you dented the wall.

[He's holding out the painkillers and rattling them slightly. Sure, they're just herbal pills, but still.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Thank you, and screw you too, father. Ranma pressed the ice pack on his face, minor purple blotches forming on his cheeks. The throbbing pain in his face had diminished for now, though it wasn't the worse he's taken before.]

Keep 'em, I don't need 'em. And sorry 'bout that, I was aiming for the window. Your husband threw me off shovin' that little monster in my face. I can buff it out later.

[empyrean_mirror]

It's fine, I'll handle it.

[He sighs, and shakes his head.] Just give me a heads-up before you visit so I can make sure you don't run into Lily, next time.

[catsgothistongue]

[Pouting like a huffy child.]

Giving you a heads-up would've only ruin my sneakin' up on you.

[Mostly. Ranma's like a jack-in-the-box. Pops up when you least expect it.]

[empyrean_mirror]

And if you don't sneak in, you don't get startled by my cat and neither of you get hurt.

[He's very stern about this one, Ranma. :|]

Sorry for wait again, work's been strongarming me TT_TT

[catsgothistongue]

Only cuz' you didn't tell me about it beforehand... I could've avoided it then.

[Accountability? Never heard of her.]