Backdated to July 2nd

[general_affairs]

Type: Video
Sender ID: general-affairs
To: Public
Subject: Weird ass birds
Warnings: Swearing, nsfw topics



[ So there's a redhead on screen, and he's sitting outside, clearly. It's a nice, sunny day. There are clouds overhead. He looks like he's maybe sitting against something. From the color and texture, and the greenery around him, it looks like he's just casually sitting under a tree.

Why is Reno out near the wood's edge? Mind your business. ]

So, you guys hear that?

[ He lowers the camera so the viewers get a vague view of his be-goggled forehead, a bushel of red hair, and a whole lot of tree canopy overhead. Nothing else is happening, except, after a few moments, there it is:

a faint 'DICKS!!'.

There are a few more replies of 'DICKS!!' echoing from various directions. ]

Anyone wanna tell me why the woods're screamin' about dicks?

I mean--shit. Me too, buddy. But I don't go yellin' about it, yo.

Comments

SO NOT HERE

[makoglow]

[ Hold on he has to go hunt Zack down and deck him ]

video;

[activatingcombatmode]

[Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Don't lose your shit.]

Huh. Weird. Sounds like the trees are yelling about dicks.

[He shrugs......................! Totally wasn't his doing!!]

It's probably those fancy parrots the conservatory keeps. If that helps.

[A beat.]

Don't know why they're talking about dicks, though.

[empyrean_mirror]

...I beg your pardon?

[THE ONE DAY HE CHECKS THE NETWORK.]

[general_affairs]

[ You good over there Zack? ]

Fuckin' surrounded by wood and I'm not gettin' any. Pour one out for me, bro.

[ He snorted with a laugh. ]

Oh yeah--I think I saw somethin' about some birds by the Manta office a while back. 'Tempted to yell pussy, but they'd probably boo me right outta the woods.

[general_affairs]

You heard the trees.

[ And, as if on cue, another faint chorus of 'DICKS'. ]

They're gettin' a little knotty.

[empyrean_mirror]

[You just received the most disgusted look Kaveh could manage, Reno.]

You just couldn't have kept that one to yourself, could you?

text; un: angellust

[angellust]

so? birds get horny, too yanno. don't get fowl with me.

not here ish

[indispensable]

[There is maybe the tiniest little snort coming from next to him.

Just a small one.]

[general_affairs]

[ That's how he knew it was a good one. ]

Plenty of fruits hangin' low in these woods, yo.

voice; un: makoglow

[makoglow]

Sounds like a personal problem. And that the locals have some self respect.

text / un: general-affairs

[general_affairs]

[ He scoffed and blew out a laugh. ]

It's just becaws there's all this wood around and I ain't gettin any.

[empyrean_mirror]

[Ignore the motion like Kaveh just elbowed someone off-screen, it's fine.]

If they hang too low they're liable to be torn off by passing wildlife, so I certainly hope not.

[WHY PUNS.]

Those didn't sound like birds.

[angellust]

aww, poor you. but it could be worse. ya could've run into a wood pecker.

unless you're into that sort of thing.

video

[general_affairs]

[ Oh there's VISIBLE surprise on his face, followed up quickly by vulpine delight. ]

What's me talking about wantin' to get laid gettin' you all pissy for, huh?

[makoglow]

Just figuring that if you're hearing the echoes of birds calling and that's what you're whining about? Seems like that's on you. Doesn't mean you got to share with the class.

[indispensable]

[From Kaveh's side off screen:] I wasn't aware that you've become an expert on birds now, senior.

[general_affairs]

[ He made a dick pun and it had only just tickled him, but Kaveh's pain was absolutely egging Reno on.

He blew a little 'pfft' out that transitioned into a laugh. ]

Kavs, are you askin' me to actively go and investigate what's screaming about dicks in the woods? Pretty sure that's just setting me up to hit you with the classic 'in front of my salad?' meme.

Probably just some kids being little shits if it ain't the birds Zack mentioned.

reno I'm so sorry

[empyrean_mirror]

And you are?

[empyrean_mirror]

Better you than me, Reno.

[He's married, you go investigate the haunted dick forest.]

...What, is Zack out there? What are all of you doing out in the woods anyway?

[general_affairs]

If you can't get a rock solid pecker, a solid wood pecker'll do in a pinch.

I'll pass on the pecking part though, thanks. Just had my dick shrivel up a little at imagining that one.

no no he is LIVING right now

[general_affairs]

[ not here but if he can catch snippets of the conversation over the shellphone he's just ALL ears and mischievous, vulpine little grins. ]

[general_affairs]

Don't mind if I do.

[ That was the face of a man that knew what he was about, and wasn't sorry. ]

No idea where he's at, he just chimed in a little earlier on my post. I don't think he'd wanna be running around a Dick Forest with G'Raha waitin' for him back on the ship anyway.

gay disasters strike again

[indispensable]

I'm not the one making the claim to know how birds sound like.

[empyrean_mirror]

Maybe he's singing G'raha's praises to the trees. He seems to enjoy the opportunity to do so.

[Listen he has to roast zack about that a little or he will curl up and die of embarrassment. Exposure therapy!!]

[angellust]

sorry, not sorry... but! i'd be happy to help you imagine other things that won't make your dick fall off.