shellphones | 01 Video: Une Introduction

Entry tags:

01 Video: Une Introduction

Type: Video!
Sender ID: triompheduhimbo | Napoleon Bonaparte
To: Public
Subject: Napoleon's been here long enough, time to introduce himself!
Warnings: LOUD. French. Possible talking about war and Fate Series magic bullshit

BONJOUR, TOUTE LE MONDE!!

[Sorry if you were scrolling your phones and suddenly had a loud, baritone voice coming from your shellphone speakers, the voice able to carry through the door and out the window--

If you had gotten over the surprise/shock/fear response, the video feed would show a tall man in what looks like a miliaty outfit (--was it ill fitting? that vest/shirt didn't cover his chest well--), a wide grin on his face and a cheerful look in his eye. Don't mind the odd chocolate coloured cat with huge ears and green cross eyes that was circling around his legs, it's fine.]

Now that I've gotten your attention!

[Offering the camera a wave--]

The names Napoleon Bonaparte--First Emperor of France, Servant of Chaldea, Archer Class Heroic Spirt-- I've recently shown up here and after a bit of exploring, figured I should introduce myself! So far most people don't know who I am--

[He'd tilt his head to one side, a more serious (pouty?) expression on his face while closing his eyes--]

Which is still weird as hell, I gotta say, but they're not from the world I'm from, so I won't hold it against them, haha!

[Opening his eyes again, that more relaxed expression would come back--]

I do wanna see, though, if anyone from Earth is here-- and if anyone from Chaldea, be it other Servants or the staff are around? I don't feel Maître anywhere, despite our contract still being intact so I don't think they're here, but hey, I've definitely been wrong before!

[A brief military salute, with that same smile, as the chocolate brown cat started making a honking meow--]

A bientôt!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

If you did, then I would be telling you that it is a huge waste of energy.

[You do not need to use your Vision to chop vegetables, sir. But since Kaveh isn't going to harp on it any further than neither will he.

Once the finger is presented to him Alhaitham makes sure to pat it dry first before cleaning it further with the antiseptic, making sure to keep a firm hold on Kaveh's wrist when he does so just to keep him from flinching too hard from the sting. Once that is done though Alhaitham wastes no time in putting on a bandaid, making sure that its set on nice and tight.]

[Kaveh does hiss at the antiseptic, but he does hold still, though he kind of snorts because the bandaids are turtle patterned--when did he even buy those? Sleep-deprived Kaveh makes DECISIONS, clearly.

Anyway let him teach Mehrak to take a selfie to distract the frenchman.]

Says the man who's used his vision to shred documents before.

[Turtle bandaids are a little ridiculous but Kaveh already bought them, so. No use pointing it out. As long as they get the job done its all that matters.

...they definitely could be a little bigger, though.]

Several stack of papers have substantially more volume than a few vegetables. [Now that first aid is done and he knows that Kaveh is fine Alhaitham can now turn his attention to... everything else. Namely, Mehrak.] What was that noise earlier?

[He's pretty sure there's nobody else around here (besides like, Heizou, if he's still staying with him).]

Edited 2024-08-14 00:57 (UTC)

She was scrolling through the network feed...apparently, someone has some. Interesting ideas about volume control.

[He might have to program Mehrak to modify the maximum volume she plays voice and video at for him. Because ow.

Meanwhile, Mehrak has swapped the shellphone back to recording Kaveh because he's talking so clearly he's still? responding???]

['Interesting ideas about volume control' is right. He almost wishes he has his earpieces on even though he heard it down the hall, but its not like he has a reason to have them on when at home.]

I'm surprised you haven't already anticipated this beforehand. [The network is always full of so much noise and chatter. One reason why he barely interacts with anything there at all unless there's a good reason to (or it has his interest).]

And how, pray tell, would I have predicted pitfalls with her new audio functions before I implemented them, Alhaitham?

[oh these vegetables will go unchopped and lunch WILL be late.]

Is that not the kind of thing the erudite Light of Kshahrewar should have accounted for beforehand?

[Lunch? More like tea time at this rate they're going—]

[ He's just gonna. Listen in a little? Can't help it when they're just out and out talk/flirting?? while he's on the other line... ]

I am good at my work, not capable of precognition. It's not a lack of foresight to not account for every variable when inventing new programs and systems.

[HE'D LIKE TO SEE YOU HAVE DONE BETTER, SIR?]

Oh? And here I thought that those who pride themselves to be at the forefront of ingenuity would try to acquaint themselves to every possibility. Did I misjudge my expectations, then?

[Sir he is just a mere feeble scholar, what are you asking him to do.]

Aren't your expectations unreasonable in the first place? I won't have you insinuating anything about my skills by you imagining some oracular ability on my part, Haravatat.

Should I be asking you to predict the content of a book before reading it, too? How's that worked out for you before?

[Is bringing up the dragon book a low blow? Yes. Is Kaveh also extremely petty? Very yes.]

[Well if this is how Kaveh wants to do things...]

If that's you want, then let's talk about things that are already known. Tell me, when are you going to make something that'll deal with all the unplanned attention you keep getting? Are you going to wait until you get accosted by another trio of foxes?

[Stop being Disney princess!! And then maybe you won't be kidnapped by dragons and mobbed by animals all the time!!]

The foxes are fine. You act as though I have any control or idea why animals are so attracted to me, when we both know that's not true.

What would you have me do, attack them? That's ill-advised, given our neighbors. Or are you just upset I'm getting the attention in the first place?

[Sir he can't be too obnoxious they have to share an island with apex superpredators!!!]

You and I both know that it is not just the foxes that I am referring to. [Does he really need to start making a list, senior.] And I'll let you know that our mutual friend hasn't given up when I went to see them last time, despite the show you put on back then.

[Translation: Alhaitham got courted by a certain gryphon once more. Yes he does not like it but he's gonna use it as ammunition anyway since this is where they're going.]

I'd say that's more evidence of his attraction to you than anything. What, would you like me to be jealous, Alhaitham?

[Translation: he is going to imply a grown man is jealous of the attention Kaveh pays to animals because he wants to be Kaveh's kitty.]

[Wow don't call him out in public like this.]

You certainly didn't bother to hide it back then.

[You chose him, senior. So choose him.]

[Kaveh snorts, and starts to crowd Alhaitham against the kitchen counter, his tone growing very light and teasing.]

Oh, is someone feeling in need of attention? Do I need to remind you who's constellation is on my very core, Haitham?

[--Wait, were they going to start making out or something even more explicit...? Uuuuh...]

[Alhaitham very notably allows Kaveh to do all of this, his own eyes bright and alight with challenge and daring, as if almost taunting the other.]

Maybe you are the one who needs the reminder. [Don't mind his hands automatically coming up to rest them onto Kaveh's hips.] Something to ensure that you remember your choices well.

I didn't forget...are you so worried I will? When have I ever broken my promises?

[He laughs a little, pretty much right against Alhaitham's lips, and takes his face in his hands.]

You should just be honest when you're feeling needy, Haitham. I won't deny your heartfelt sincerity this time.

[Kaveh's laugh draws out a huff from Alhaitham as he leans into the touch, though he notably does not say anything about doing so.]

I should remind you that I only came over because I heard you making a fuss. [Not that it changes anything, really. As long as his husband calls for him, he will always come without a doubt.]

Well, if you don't need my attention, then, I can just go back to making lunch...

[It's an empty threat and they both know it.]

[Lets out a contemplative hum.]

Is that the extent of what my husband is willing to give me? Such a tragedy.

[Really, how is this a balanced marriage? Husband clearing it just giving the talk and not doing the walk.]

Tch, what's a tragedy is how weak that bait is--

[He says that, but it still worked, since he just leaned the rest of the way in to kiss this damn man senseless before he can retort. >:T!!!]

Edited 2024-08-15 16:25 (UTC)

[There is very much no more argument from Alhaitham here once Kaveh starts kissing him, because he's busy kissing back in turn and giving it as good as he gets. In fact it doesn't take long at all before he's tightening his hold on Kaveh's hips to pull him in until their bodies are fully flush against each other, where then one hand dips even lower, beginning to slide over the curve of a perfect ass—

An interruption may be necessary before this escalates further.]

01 Video: Une Introduction

BONJOUR, TOUTE LE MONDE!!

one of them does at the very least

Hey,

where is the lie

he didn't say there was a lie he said you shouldn't say it

lying by omission is still lying

when has that ever stopped you before

he would never

[Not here--well he is here but not interrupting.]

he literally has!

sounds fake

this is going to get so dumb

as if it already isn't

we're so sorry napoleon

welcome to chaos gays

please enjoy your complimentary popcorn

you'll need it because you're stuck here forever

avert your eyes, freminet

[Still here. Still watching. Wondering if he should cut in...]

closes all the eyes of the children watching

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