Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Man, I didn't realize so many people would be against hammocks.

...Alright, we'll cover my chart in a second but first I really need you to expand on the ravioli.

[general_affairs]

Alright, hear me out, yo.

Planet. It's got a soft molten core, and a tough outer shell.

Protecting the soft filling.

Ravioli.

[ He was putting his whole fucking chest into this. He loved saying off-the-wall shit to get a reaction out of Elena, then make her argue with him about it. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay but isn't ravioli soft? But you make a good point.

Wait you know those putza things? [He means pizza.]

Okay there was a place that made these big bread raviolis that were like big putza pockets. I forget what they were called.

[He means a calzone. He's trying to say the planet is a calzone.]

[general_affairs]

It is! But it falls under the same logic of beanbag bed. Technically right, but objectively bad.

[ Have a Reno squinting as he tried to make out what putza was supposed to mean. ]

Bread..what kind of ingredients?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

A putza is like a big bread frisbee with cheese and whatever else you want on it!

[general_affairs]

OH!

[ He huffed with a brief laugh. ]

You mean a pizza. That one's a classic. You can make that shit a ravioli or a hotdog. It pisses people off quicker than saying you like pineapple on pizza.

Also, you could argue a bed's a sandwich when a person's in it.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Huh. So that's what it's called?

...I like putza better.

[He and Zelda have been calling it 'putza' for a month now.]

Although, okay that's true. A sandwich can be a bed and vice versa!

Damn man, there's a lot of things that can be beds if you're tired and creative enough!