shellphones | Bedroom Talk

Entry tags:

Bedroom Talk

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.

As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

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So you two are sleeping together, huh? And you didn't have to be at death's doorstep this time to do so?

[Whistles with a teasing/impressed look on his face. "Nothing with having the hots for her", his ass!]

Anything can be a bed if you're tired enough to sleep on it.

[Yes, that goes for the parachute too.]

...I mean, a hammock can be a bed, I think a lot of the people in Ghandarva Ville use modified hammocks. But they also live in trees.

You are gonna want something a little more solid. Your spine will thank you when you're thirty.

Can you get double hammocks?

...I sleep in a tree burrow.

[Get on her level, Darin.]

So you're living with the little Lady?

... What's wrong with a hammock?

I keep meaning to get one - they look a lot easier to sleep in.

[No, Garrus you're just built like an avocado on toothpicks.]

this is a lot of words to not admit she's right

she said "proper bed" and that's not a proper bed.

is this how you guys flirt? thought you had more rizz than that

Hey I'm with you. You want a hammock, you get a hammock. Easy to fall asleep in and comfy as heck, too! Why does gettin' sleep got to be over-complicated, am I right?

Edited 2024-12-05 21:40 (UTC)

Well, I'll admit my own bias - I went ten years without an actual bed to sleep on, so anything that is 1% comfier than steel and rocks counts as a bed to me.

That being said, key words are essential here. She said "proper" bed. Would that be because she wants to share it?

[ she doesn't know these kids or their relationship and she already wants the tea. ]

Darin, my boy, I am going to give you some advice first: listen to the lady.

[This is very amusing, though.]

But you say this is your own room?

[So cohabitation but seperate....for now. How even more intriguing.]

If so, then you have every right to have your own hammock.

You can't share a hammock.

[At first, Azul was kind of interested in this chart due to having lived most of his life sleeping in what would be considered unconventional sleeping places for humans, but the more he looks at it and hears what exactly is the problem...]

Is this... a normal argument that people typically have about beds to sleep in, or am I missing something here?

[Humans are so weird...]

Edited 2024-12-05 22:15 (UTC)

I promise you bud, you're better off getting a regular bed, yo. You might wanna listen to her.

I hate that I can't unsee the beanbag chair in the running though. That's like the argument I got into over calling the planet a ravioli.

[ He snorted with a laugh, annoyed and amused at it at the same time. ]

Ah, I see congratulations are in order.

As for your question, I would defer to Miss Zelda's judgment on this for her comfort if nothing else. Save the hammock for when you fall asleep at the workshop.

So Zelda was the girl you were getting that toy for?

The one you're into?

(Well, shit. Hopefully Ganon doesn't blow a gasket over that particular piece of goss.)

The potential depth of this particular debate is staggering, far moreso than even I would have thought— but now realize as a result of your finely-made chart.

[Gale clears his throat before continuing:]

Technically, while one can sleep in a hammock, I would argue that a hammock is not a bed. One can sleep any number of places, but before even beginning to go into what qualifies and what does not, I imagine a hammock must truly be hell on one's back.

[Gale can't even crouch down without feeling in agony, he cannot imagine having to sleep in a hammock.]

Edited 2024-12-06 01:11 (UTC)

I think you're onto something there with differing version of what a "bed" is.

If you're comfortable and are able to sleep, that's all that really matters. Your back will give out one day anyway.

I dunno, I kinda think a bed's a bed, you know? Whatever you happen to have on hand, if you're sleeping in it or on it, it's a bed?

[ JUST HIS TWO CENTS. ]

You created an entire chart? Darin!

[ ...Actually, this is a really good chart. It's thorough and well thought out-- not to mention factually accurate. He has actually presented his argument most effectively.

--No, stop it, Zelda. Don't be impressed! Otherwise he wins... and if he wins, that's the end of her plans to sneak into his bedroom and surprise him at night. No amount of intimacy is worth the pinched spine she'll end up with afterwards.

She sighs dramatically. ] All this over a hammock. Honestly.

Edited 2024-12-06 04:34 (UTC)

Yo, the hot tub and parachute are really kick ass!

I've mostly had a regular bed, I think.

[Does lying on a mattress count ~~because your game was on the DS and could only do so much~~?]

But the hammock and the bean bag chair look like fun

Gotta agree with Rox on this one.

Look I can sleep anywhere but at the end of a hard days work you need a *BED*

[Crumm~~ily rendered~~ beds were still beds!]

I've fallen asleep in my chair while working on something I don't know how many times. Anywhere can be a bed if you're tired enough.

While I'd normally agree that anything could be a bed if one's tired enough and hammocks are fine aboard ships, I assume this is for a place on solid ground? Being thrown out of bed during a storm wouldn't be an issue then.

[also listen to your wife]

Though I suppose I'm a bit biased; I've gotten stuck in hammocks before or just punctured them entirely. I've never seen a...bean bag chair before today, but I assume the same would happen.

And I don't think it'd be wise to use a parachute that way, unless your bones are much stronger than mine.

[Powernapping while drifting to the ground sounded like a great way to break, well, everything.]

Edited (wrong format oop) 2024-12-07 01:20 (UTC)

[ What in Zodiark's name...? ]

How is a parachute meant to be a reliable means of supporting a man? It cannot even stay afloat on its own.

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