Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[deepstar]

Now I don't know if I would go that far. Sleeping in an open field? That's just asking for trouble.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Are you kidding? Taking a nap in the grass on a sunny day is one of the best things out there! It's warm and relaxing, and if there's no clouds in the sky there's no chance for rain! What's the worst that could happen?

[deepstar]

Makes you an easy target? Letting your guard down is just never a good idea if you ask me.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...How many times have you been attacked in a field?? Where the hell do you come from?!

[deepstar]

A place that had been at war for five and a half years.

[ That had been a while ago but um. Yeah? He's been attacked in a field pretty often! ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Wow.

So uh.

Okay, yeah, I can see your point of view.

Pretty sure if I were at war for that long sleep would be the last thing on my mind.

[deepstar]

[ And he hasn't even mentioned the assassination attempts! ]

Hey, at least you get it. It's just not a smart move with the current state of affairs, you know?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

And I guess it's pretty hard to unlearn old habits. Trust me, I've been trying to unlearn a lot of them.

Which is why I bought this house to begin with.

[deepstar]

If you're trying to unlearn habits, then maybe you really should take your lady's advice.

Move away from the hammock and get an actual bed.

[ See how he did that? Zelda, you can thank him later. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

She's not my lady, she's my captain.

...I guess if she framed it as an actual order I might do that. But I'm famously bad at taking orders.

[deepstar]

Same thing, really.

That is, if you're smart.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I mean, I guess based on rank you're technically right.

But I get the feeling you mean in a very personal sense.

Isn't fraternizing with the chain of command generally frowned upon??

[Said Darin to a character from FIRE EMBLEM]

[deepstar]

[ FIRE EMBLEM, WHERE FRATERNIZING IS A MECHANIC. Which is why Claude is over here just. Wondering where this guy grew up. What his world must be like to have such. Innocent views. ]

Friend, you can't get anywhere in the world without fraternizing. Those lines, especially if you're friends, are going to get really blurry regardless. Staying in a strictly professional relationship is actually more harmful than beneficial.