[VOICE] | un: hammertime

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice with Screencaps!
Sender ID: hammertime
To: Public
Subject: Shellphone Tech Support
Warnings: Stupidity

Okay, I admit I'm not the best when it comes to technology but I'm seriously running out of patience here! All I want to do is text someone! I was able to text them before but then I changed their name in my phone and now I can't AND IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T GET NEAR CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THESE BRANDS BUT IF I CAN'T TEXT SOMEONE NOW EXPLODING PRISONS ARE GONNA BE THE LEAST OF THEIR WORRIES.

[Darin takes a deep, steadying breath. Normally, the person he would go to for tech support is Zelda. A person he cannot presently go anywhere near. So now he's the network's problem.]

Look. Okay. I just. I need someone to look at my contacts and tell me if I screwed something up. Because I don't know what I did. I just changed one contact. I change contact names all the time! All the time!

LOOK. HERE.



CAN ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO TEXT SOMEONE AND EVERY TEXT I [Sounds of fingers furiously tapping] TRY [More tapping] I GET [TAPPING]

... ... ...

"MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED" MY BRIGHT, BLUE ASS!!! WHO THE HELL MADE THESE PIECES OF—

[Darin is drowned out by the sound of wind because he did, in fact, throw his phone.]

[He will retrieve it shortly once it lands.]

Comments

[thearchangel]

They don't sell fish tanks here. Let alone one that would fit in this apartment.

[Because it's basically a studio.]

You've seen one of those before, right?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Like a little aquarium? Yeah, I've seen them.

You...want one?

[thearchangel]

Yeah. With the pump for air and... everything.

Not for me. I want to surprise Shepard.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh...yeah, I can probably build that no problem. I mean, they're just glass boxes. I can probably design some landscaping or something inside like I've seen. It'd be like building a big model.

[thearchangel]

On one condition.

Only allowed to build this if it'll help you relax.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Okay, okay. Deal. Honestly, it sounds like fun.

...I'll pace myself though. Take it slow. No time limit, right?

[thearchangel]

There we go. Deal.

[He hesitates. And sighs.]

I want to say as soon as possible. But that's... something I'm working on, myself. [Accepting this is real, she's here, there's not an expiration date on them anymore, all of that.] So no. No rush.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

So...random thought but, what if everyone in the crew put something in the terrain? I don't want to muscle in on your gift but...I don't know.

Would Shepard like something like that?

[thearchangel]

[His jaw does that click-shut thing again. Thinking.]

If they want to. No pressure, though. I know a lot of us were hard pressed for ship components.

But, her crew has always been important to her. Always. Every one of us.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...I'll keep it in mind.

[Darin leans back against the outside wall of the apartment.]

...There's still a lot about you guys that I don't know. I feel like you all know so much about me and I made so many assumptions about you all. And I wonder if that's always been my problem.

I just assumed things about people because I was too afraid to really get to know them. If I did that...I might find that they actually cared about me.

Like...okay, Garrus. Aside from rifles, do you have a favorite...I dunno. Hobby? Color?

[thearchangel]

You're right, you never really asked. Granted, a lot of our interactions ended in yelling. Or shooting competitions.

[Or arrests.]

[He hums, a thoughtful sort of noise, and then... pointedly looks at the remains of the table.]

I like antiques. They're classy. [But moving on.] Music, I like. Puzzles - not the picture kind, the math kind.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

...Math puzzles?

Really?

[He sounds surprised but not because he thinks Garrus is dumb or anything. More that he's interested in the type of puzzles.]

Like those...uh...what're they called? It's like nine boxes and you fill them in with numbers so they all add up the same?

[thearchangel]

Sudoku.

And yes. Helps keep my mind sharp and off other things.

[It’s one of the reasons why he was always tapping away at those damn Calibrations. One of them.]

Numbers make sense. They’re predictable, and when you want to unwind… that helps.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Because when the world is falling apart, you'll always know why six is afraid of seven?

[thearchangel]

…


What?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

... ... ...

Because...

Seven...

ate...

nine...?

[thearchangel]

[He just stares with an absolutely baffled expression. Then taps the side of his head near his visor.]

I don’t… think that translated.

Why are you counting?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Darin cranes his head awkwardly, eyes incredulously wide.]

E...E-Eight??

'Eight' sounds like...'ate.' So...it sounds like seven...ingested the bigger number.

Which was why six was— Garrus are you serious?!

I just embarrassed my ass with that corny joke and you didn't even get it?!

[thearchangel]

[He makes a fluttering gesture with his hands.]

It didn't translate! I see it now -

[We're sorry, Darin, your puns are worthless here.]

- Let's... Let's just move on. For both our sakes.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

See, this is why I try to be a smartass.

Everyone understands sarcasm.

[thearchangel]

What?

People can understand sarcasm? Why wasn't I told?

[Shut your bird mouth, Garrus, put your sarcastic stick away.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

See, this is why it took me so long to admit you're my best friend you jackass. You're completely insufferable.

[Despite the forced edge in his voice, he can't hide the smile.]

So, I'm surprised you don't have an "I told you so" speech prepared in regards to me n'Zelda.

[thearchangel]

I keep hearing that. And yet, people keep hanging around. One of them even calls me her boyfriend.

[Yeah, the jackassery isn't going away any time soon.]

I did, actually. But then you went and blasted your status all over the network. I'm being charitable in my old age.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You sure? Consider this your one and only chance! I'm opening myself up to your smarmy crap here. Pretty sure I deserve to have the piss taken out of me after the crap I pulled.

[thearchangel]

[Hold up, he's sitting up straighter for this.]

It's about damn time. I told you to go for it, but then you said, "don't tell me what to do, Garrus" [Did he just do air quotes with one finger.] and was more of a blockhead than the entire Citadel Council!

[And they denied the REAPERS, Darin.]

I've seen tectonic plates move faster than you. And what happened? Did she reject you? No, she smacked some sense into you and now you've got a girlfriend.

[His regular voice may be steady and annoyed, but the echo, the reverb under the words, is basically just laughing.]

So, the next time your very charming and very wise in the ways of romance friend tells you "date the girl", what are you going to do?

"Yes, Garrus, I will date the girl who clearly likes me too."