[VOICE] | un: hammertime

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice with Screencaps!
Sender ID: hammertime
To: Public
Subject: Shellphone Tech Support
Warnings: Stupidity

Okay, I admit I'm not the best when it comes to technology but I'm seriously running out of patience here! All I want to do is text someone! I was able to text them before but then I changed their name in my phone and now I can't AND IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T GET NEAR CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THESE BRANDS BUT IF I CAN'T TEXT SOMEONE NOW EXPLODING PRISONS ARE GONNA BE THE LEAST OF THEIR WORRIES.

[Darin takes a deep, steadying breath. Normally, the person he would go to for tech support is Zelda. A person he cannot presently go anywhere near. So now he's the network's problem.]

Look. Okay. I just. I need someone to look at my contacts and tell me if I screwed something up. Because I don't know what I did. I just changed one contact. I change contact names all the time! All the time!

LOOK. HERE.



CAN ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO TEXT SOMEONE AND EVERY TEXT I [Sounds of fingers furiously tapping] TRY [More tapping] I GET [TAPPING]

... ... ...

"MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED" MY BRIGHT, BLUE ASS!!! WHO THE HELL MADE THESE PIECES OF—

[Darin is drowned out by the sound of wind because he did, in fact, throw his phone.]

[He will retrieve it shortly once it lands.]

Comments

[onebullet]

Why wouldn't I want that? Look at it.

[thearchangel]

I am, that’s the problem.

Look, if you want a picture of me, I can just send one.

[onebullet]

I wouldn't say no.

[ Though she has... a lot already. ]

But I'm not getting rid of this one.

[thearchangel]

[Please hold, this is Research Time - which means of course this is going to go wrong on some level…]

[About ten minutes pass.]

In that case, maybe this can change your mind…?

[snapshot036.img]

[onebullet]

[ She loves this goof so much, she can't help but laugh at the lengths he's going to in trying to get her to delete the drawing. Which... maybe isn't the reaction Garrus was going for. ]

Oh, you know I've got to have that one too... But I'm keeping the drawing.

[ Them's fighting words. And Shepard's a woman who gets what she wants, which at this point in time... is the saucy picture on Garrus's phone. ]

[thearchangel]

What, what's funny?

[Did his research lie to him? Was that not effective?]

Oh come on. I worked hard for that.

[He did not. He posed and took a picture.] No, I'm keeping this. This or the drawing.

[onebullet]

[ His determination to get rid of the picture is very entertaining.

She could be underhanded about this, make a copy of the drawing and then delete one to convince Garrus to send the photo to her. But that's not as fun as what she has in mind. ]

... you at home?

[ Uh oh. Uh oh! ]

[thearchangel]

[The sense of danger is rising… but! Maybe she just wants to make sure he’s not running around again. The whole imprisonment misadventure spooked both of them, after all.]

Yeah. Promised I’d take it easy today.

[You stupid, stupid man.]

[onebullet]

Good. Good...

[ She sounds distracted, the thuds of her phone bumping against her ear coming through to Garrus on the other end as she jogs towards their apartment. ]

I'll be home real soon.

[ Run, rabbito, run! ]

[thearchangel]

Are you running?

[The space hamster is running on its wheel in his head, that's for sure. But if she's running, does that mean something's going down? Or -?]

What's wrong?

[The space hamster has lost the wheel.]

[onebullet]

Nothing's wrong, honey. I'm excited to see you.

[ It's not a lie... but this is: ]

Just making sure I stay fit, that's all.

[thearchangel]

Okay, the pet name means something is up.

[Or one of them is tipsy in the Citadel Apartment-]

If something's wrong, I'm coming with you. [And that's why he'll be dragging himself over to the front door by the time she gets there--]

[onebullet]

[ She's leaning against the door frame when it swings open, propped up by her elbow. The pose might be mistaken for being seductive, were it not for her heavy-ass breathing from hoofing-it back to their apartment as fast as she could - she's more a strength build than endurance, after all. ]

Everything's fine... See? I'm... here.

[ Deep inhale, slow and controlled exhale. ]

You need to be resting up, though.

[thearchangel]

... Yeah. I see that.

[This does not do anything to alleviate the concerns. He pokes his head out the door, looking back and forth for a bit.]

I'm glad you're here, don't get me wrong. [And hobbling back from the door. To the sole chair in the room.] But you see why I'm a little worried?

I'm sitting, I'm fine.

[onebullet]

[ There's a breathy laugh as she closes the door behind herself, finally remembering to hang her shellphone up and return it to her pocket. ]

I'd have told you if something was seriously up, honest. If calling you honey is code for something, I didn't get that memo.

[thearchangel]

Right, right. Just me being paranoid. Can you blame me?

[He holds his hands up - he surrenders, yes, paranoid man.]

So... "honey"? Do I get to pick one for you now?

[onebullet]

[ Shepard resigns the point to him with a small sigh and shake of the head. Recent happenings alone are justification enough, let alone everything else he's been through. ]

Guess not. Sorry I worried you.

[ She comes around to sit on the bed next to his chair, within easy grabbing distance... not that he'd be able to easily escape her with his bad leg. ]

Is it one I've heard before?

[ Smirking, she leans forwards. ]

Or were you too drunk to remember?

[thearchangel]

It's fine. Long as you are.

[This place is going to make him neurotic about their safety, isn't it. He tilts his head, watching her, curious.]

I was thinking I'd start easy... "love of my life"? [Oh no, he made himself laugh.] Okay, that was corny. Even for me.

Plus I think I used that already when we were wiring the glass in front of the terrarium.

[onebullet]

If that's starting easy, I'm struggling to think of what the other end of the scale would be.

[ Reaching out, she grips the arms of the chair furthest from her and pulls him around, closer. If all was well, she'd be in his lap, but this is the next best thing, her sitting on the bed with his knees between her legs. ]

I like it, though.

[ Her other hand grips the chair arm at his other side. Shepard's eyes are on him, and it's not hard to guess at what it is she wants from her beloved boyfriend.








... or maybe it is. ]

[thearchangel]

Well, I could -

[And then he's pulled around. The words dry up in his throat the moment he looks her in the eye. His jaw works, and no sound comes out.]

- think of some things.

[Despite himself, his voice has dropped a few octaves, the reverb off the charts in his chest. Especially when she keeps looking at him like that.]

See something you like?

[onebullet]

Yeah? Like what?

[ Her voice is lower too, husky, lips twisted in a smirk. Her hands drop from the arms of the chair to his thighs, giving him a slow and exaggerated look up and down while looking for where he's stashed his phone. ]

Like is an understatement... You come here often, soldier?

[thearchangel]

Mm. Let me think.

[She's doing amazing. He is completely enthralled and distracted, even leaning his head in a little closer to hers.]

Stunning... gorgeous. Strong... [The phone is literally sitting on the chair next to his leg.] Not often. Only when I see something I like.

[onebullet]

[ Her fingers dig into his thighs as she leans forwards, pushing up to bring her face close to his. ]

You know what I like..?

[thearchangel]

I've got some ideas... but I'm listening.

[He has bought it. Completely and utterly. Leaning in like he's fully expecting to kiss her.]

[onebullet]

I like...

[ Closer, closer still, leaning up past his face to mutter near the plating approximate to his ear. But her husky tone drops as she whips the curtain back from the ruse: ]

The picture you took. Think I'll have it, actually.

[ One hand is off his thigh, grabbing the forgotten shellphone and then she's away - pushing herself back from him to do a clumsy backwards roll over their bed. Standing at the other side, she grips her prize in both hands and sets about sending the saucy pic to her own phone, cackling merrily to herself. ]