Ulpianus (
encoreinthedeep) wrote in
shellphones2026-01-06 06:24 pm
Entry tags:
Whale Man Tries to Turn Around And Walk Back Into the Rift
Type: Text
Sender ID: encoreinthedeep (Ulpianus)
To: Everyone
Subject: Return
Warnings: None
Requesting all available information on how to return to my own world.
[ He sends this message within ten seconds of receiving his shellphone. ]
Sender ID: encoreinthedeep (Ulpianus)
To: Everyone
Subject: Return
Warnings: None
Requesting all available information on how to return to my own world.
[ He sends this message within ten seconds of receiving his shellphone. ]

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I see humanity is plagued by disunity on every planet it sets foot on.
[ You can't really convey tone through text, but that's definitely a disappointed kind of text. ]
I have no need for sustenance or accommodations. Returning takes priority.
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[Humanity? It might be text, but Jill's still getting the idea there's a hint of disdain in that phrasing. Odd for that to seemingly be there when he's asking that same humanity for assistance, but what does she know?]
Everyone has a need for both. I assure you that you will not be receiving the answers you seek in one day. Maybe not even a week. Unless you've discovered a method in which you can go days without food or drink that you are not sharing with the rest of us...
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[ Maybe that part hit home for him, or maybe he just wants to brag?.. What goes unsaid is that his "method" is injecting himself with Seaborn cells, which has a very high occurrence rate of such side effects as "turning into a monster" and "dying".
(Life would be a lot easier on everyone involved if Ulpianus was ever inclined to properly explain himself.) ]
I was informed there were many who sought return. What "good cause" do they have for not working together?
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[Sir, she is telling you to be nicer! Flies and honey! That's all it takes!
Also good luck on finding those cells out here. You might have to just deal with a sandwich, Hunter.]
There are many causes. I had mentioned one: fear of panic-induced rumors. Another one is that they simply do not enjoy one another's company.
[Somehow, she can see this guy falling into the second category. Just a little.]
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So they would rather sabotage themselves out of pettiness than find their answers. Expected, but no less disappointing.
[ Unfortunately, he is... not good at being nice. Even when he does try, which he isn't right now, but even if he did he would still fail to use words like 'please'. Could manage a 'thank you', though, probably. ]
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I'm sure those kinds of people hold no care towards what you do and don't find disappointing. However, it would be remiss of me, being familiar with some of those people, to not advise you that attitude is everything when it comes to asking for their assistance.
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I'm gonna assume shellphones have the "Read" functionand his answer. ]Then I would ask you for the names of those people and what attitude they expect to see. Rituals of humility appear to differ drastically between landwalker nations.
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It's when the phone beeps again with a notification, she can't lie and say she's not mildly surprised that there's an answer. That's enough to get her to put the broom down and take a moment to answer, though she still doesn't like how this guy speaks. Maybe it's that she can't hear tone through text, but it still rubs her wrong.]
A little humility can take one a long way. Begin by saying please and thank you.
[Though there's a second text that follows through a beat afterwards:]
Landwalker?
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[ ... Well, that IS all she told him to say so far! And oh, looks like he can reply to different texts separately. ]
A collective descriptor for races and cultures that inhabit the land.
[ Even when he is actually answering questions he manages to be... not helpful. ]
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Not to me. To them. To anybody else you want information from.
Something tells me you don't consider yourself a Landwalker.
[So what could he be, she wonders. Seawalker? Skywalker? (Heh.) Spacewalker? Maybe a Turian like Garrus? No, probably not on the last one. Even Garrus eats food, unlike what Hunter claims.]
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Understood. Thank you for the advice.
[ But look, he's doing it! ]
Capitalization is unnecessary.
I have walked the land, but I am not of it.
[ (Also fun fact, there IS an Arknights character who tries to give herself the codename 'Skyriftwalker'.) ]
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You are very welcome.
[See? Now was that so hard?]
Perhaps so, but I may be what you consider a landwalker. I did not want to be rude to my own kind. You are of the sea?
[Just a guess. It was next on the list.]
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Yes.
[ ... no further information seems to be forthcoming. Not without additional prompting. ]
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You're a fish?
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[ You can do it, Jill. You got through the kind-of-an-asshole stage, now you get the ask-the-right-questions stage. ]
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Octopus?
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Think your questions through if you truly want answers. Otherwise this exchange is meaningless.
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Or I could simply just ask: could you please tell me what you are, if not a landwalker, fish, or octopus? Thank you.
[There go those manners again.]
no subject
A Hunter.
You should realize this is not the information you were seeking.
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That said, her patience has finally run out. She certain no one else would have lasted this long in a conversation with him only to come out with nothing but a name from his end.]
Right. I can clearly see you enjoy being difficult, thus you can remain so. In the end, it was only to sate my curiosity in learning about someone new, perhaps find a common ground, but that seems to turning into something troublesome. I will excuse myself.
no subject
I answered all your questions truthfully. You did not know what it is you want to learn and so you see my answers as me being "difficult". Reflect on how to make your questions more exact. Think of what answers you want to find before you ask.
[ Though it still looks like him being an ass, the advice is actually genuine - one that he's given to all his students, at the very least.
Doesn't change how rude it sounds, though. ]
A common ground most here should share is finding a way to return. If you do not, no other similarities hold meaning.
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Maybe she would have an easier time holding a conversation with a chocobo.]
I asked you directly, what are you if you are of the sea. You answered a hunter. I don't know how much plainer I can make it when I assure you that I am aware that there might be hunters of the sea, but unless you are a shark, I can't imagine what that would be. My tutors had no interest in educating me on sea creatures.
no subject
Then the question you meant to pose is "What is your species".
To save us both time: Aegir. We descend from various aquatic creatures, but that ancient ancestry does not divide us into further subspecies.
[ < /nice> ]
What are you, landwalker? A bird? A cat? A snake?
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(Unlikely, if her nerves have anything to say about it.)]
Noted.
[She's wary of letting him know she's never heard of an Aegir before. He probably thinks she's undereducated, if not purely uneducated. Founder knows she had access to the best Ducal tutors the Royal gil could buy, even if they didn't teach her anything worthwhile about the sea.
That said, he asked her question. She should answer it.]
Shouldn't your question be "What is your species?" [Certainly it probably buys her no favors to turn his lecture back on him, but at least sassing him gives her a rare bit of satisfaction.] Human. A Dominant, if one needs to be specific.
no subject
[ Was he. Is he saying that genuinely or mockingly. No one knows.
But... 'Human'? That wording is familiar, but the only species to call themselves such were the Predecessors. It is highly unlikely the person he is talking to is one. ]
What distinguishes Dominants from the broader Humans?
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Sliiiides in here :D
A HERO
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