text; finding friends...? (not real, totally clickbait)

[indispensable]

Type: Text
Sender ID: indispensable (Alhaitham)
To: Public~
Subject: !!!
Warnings: Impersonation and clickbait B| None whatsoever.

Hello. I am Alhaitham, scholar and Scribe of the Akademiya. I have been informed by my gracious and kind senior that this network is an excellent communication tool.

It has been brought to my attention that I am severely lacking in social interactions, and that it may be detrimental to my health to stay inside and read all day.

Despite the many flaws in my personality, I am very knowledgeable in a wide range of topics, and am a thorough partner in any academic debate. While my way of speaking is quite strangely awkward and disjointed for a man who studies words for a living, my only criteria for judgement is that you are doing your best for your educational background.

Kaveh will be hosting a small party to celebrate the acquisition of a new home. I look forward to exploring the joys of friendship there with you. If you have any further questions, please forward them to me or to my kind senior, Kaveh.

[A few hours later, this post is amended with the following:]

Disregard the contents of this post; Kaveh made it using my shellphone while I was not paying attention. The party that he mentioned above is also not happening.

[A second amendment, around half an hour later:]

Ignore Alhaitham!! The party will be happening!! I will be sending invites soon!!

[ooc note: despite this being written from Alhaitham's shellphone, Kaveh is the one who made the initial post. responses will come from either one of them depending on the time (before or after Alhaitham discovers what Kaveh has done), so do specify which time period your character is responding to!]

Comments

[empyrean_mirror]

not that kind of relationship, one.

Two, he knows what he did to deserve this.

[subigito]

Ooh, the speed at which you decided to correct the record is certainly interesting! As you said, there are multiple kinds of relationships and you'll note that I didn't specify.

[empyrean_mirror]

Is this a shellphone post or a semiotics debate, sir?

Was I to assume from the start you're such a curmudgeon you'd object to a display of friendship on the network?

[subigito]

Yes, as a matter of fact, I actually hate friendship, and happiness, and also cute little dogs that look at you like you're their whole world.

[empyrean_mirror]

But no mentioned antipathy for cats, I see.

[subigito]

Well, naturally. I think a cat would quite agree with me about your post.

[empyrean_mirror]

I'd be fairly impressed to meet a cat who could read.

[subigito]

You know, it's no fun if you're going to be intentionally obtuse.

[empyrean_mirror]

Why exactly do you think I'm doing it?

[subigito]

That sort of presents another question, don't you think? It doesn't appear your "lonely friend" was particularly enchanted with your efforts.

[empyrean_mirror]

He will simply have to learn to broaden his horizons.

Or at least learn to stop leaving his shellphone around unlocked.

text; un: indispensable

[indispensable]

Or maybe one should know better than to commit impersonation right in front of the very person in question.

[Alhaitham would be sorry for butting in except that he is not. This is his post, hello.]

[subigito]

Really, the whole thing was rather inartful.

[ and then kaveh goes and tries to take the moral high ground about not being a jester! please!! ]

[indispensable]

[You get used to it, Astarion, don't worry.]

He's careless with everything else that isn't his work.

[Alhaitham usually is not one to gossip but. Kaveh did steal his phone to make that post so maybe some payback is deserved.]

[empyrean_mirror]

Bold words for a man trusting me to make his lunch.

[indispensable]

Bolder words from the one who unceremoniously helped himself to the lunch I just made earlier.