shellphones | text; finding friends...? (not real, totally clickbait)

Type: Text
Sender ID: indispensable (Alhaitham)
To: Public~
Subject: !!!
Warnings: ~~Impersonation and clickbait B|~~ None whatsoever.

Hello. I am Alhaitham, scholar and Scribe of the Akademiya. I have been informed by my gracious and kind senior that this network is an excellent communication tool.

It has been brought to my attention that I am severely lacking in social interactions, and that it may be detrimental to my health to stay inside and read all day.

Despite the many flaws in my personality, I am very knowledgeable in a wide range of topics, and am a thorough partner in any academic debate. While my way of speaking is quite strangely awkward and disjointed for a man who studies words for a living, my only criteria for judgement is that you are doing your best for your educational background.

Kaveh will be hosting a small party to celebrate the acquisition of a new home. I look forward to exploring the joys of friendship there with you. If you have any further questions, please forward them to me or to my kind senior, Kaveh.

[A few hours later, this post is amended with the following:]

Disregard the contents of this post; Kaveh made it using my shellphone while I was not paying attention. The party that he mentioned above is also not happening.

[A second amendment, around half an hour later:]

Ignore Alhaitham!! The party will be happening!! I will be sending invites soon!!

[ooc note: despite this being written from Alhaitham's shellphone, Kaveh is the one who made the initial post. responses will come from either one of them depending on the time (before or after Alhaitham discovers what Kaveh has done), so do specify which time period your character is responding to!]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

[Hey. Alhaitham.

Kaveh is giggling on the couch and messing with a shellphone. Relatedly, when did you last see yours?]

[Funny you should ask that question because Alhaitham did realize his shellphone is not where he thought it'd be and is currently going around the house to find it—

—and honestly, he doesn't think much about Kaveh at first when he passes by him, since its not that uncommon to see his senior using his device (he uses it a lot more than Alhaitham, that's for certain). What does get his attention, though, is the giggling that is going on, as that is more rare, and that very much does pique his interest. Just what is it that is making him act like this?

So here he is coming over to see what's up, but before he can even start to ask—

...

...

...

Yeah he's just going to come right over and snatch the Shellphone away from Kaveh now, thanks.]

Edited 2024-02-01 19:53 (UTC)

Wha--hey!

[Kaveh scrambles up, indignant. He know he can't be too mad, given what he's been doing but--well, come on. Alhaitham deserves this punishment! He knows what he did!!]

Edited 2024-02-01 20:08 (UTC)

[Alhaitham doesn't even pay attention to Kaveh's indigence here, simply turning away and scrolling through the phone to see for himself precisely what his senior has done.

...is impersonation a crime? Alhaitham feels like it should be, after this.]

You are ridiculous. [Don't mind him as he goes to make an amendment to the post now.] If you want to host a party so badly, do it somewhere else. And announce it using your own device.

Oh, I'm ridiculous, am I? Tell me, Haravat, what the definition of housewarming is?

[Kaveh snorts. He is...pointedly ignoring the phone part. Shush.]

[Alhaitham does indeed know what housewarming means, thank you very much, but he also knows (assumes) that it is just an excuse for what Kaveh really wants to do.]

Do you not already have people to go and be merry with if you want to? You certainly had a lot of fun with that Fontanian last time.

[Because clearly Kaveh is only doing all this to get some company that isn't just Alhaitham, right? He's well aware of how much his senior is unable to tolerate him for long periods of time and always needs some kind of escape, so clearly this is what he has resorted to this time.]

What? This isn't about drinking, Alhaitham. You need to meet more people. Can you even name anyone on the crew besides Cid and I?

[Alhaitham opens his mouth, about to say a name, but the rest of Kaveh's question sinks in and he snaps it back shut with a faint scowl.]

What reason is there a need for it, beyond social etiquette? You know I am already getting by just fine.

[He has books and if he really wants to stretch his legs there's the Manta Board to occupy himself, among other things. Besides, he's only in the crew because Kaveh is. He has no real desire or intention to interact with anyone else.]

Sooner or later you will have to rely on these people. I told you before, the situation we're in is not one that can be solved by individual action.

[He knows damn well Alhaitham understands the concept, given the plan he'd apparently come up with to save Lord Kusanali.

...It really hadn't sounded like anything Alhaitham would have normally come up with. Kaveh still doesn't know how to feel about that.]

Can you not survive a single evening in the presence of others, now?

[Well sure he can work with people when he has to, but that doesn't mean he has to be friends with them?? He can work with people just fine without the requirement of cordiality??

Its the ridiculousness of such a statement along with the question that's asked which makes Alhaitham let out a dry snort in response, arms coming to cross over his chest.]

For what reason would I have to consider something so trivial? Are you not right in front of me this very moment?

...How many times have I told you? One man cannot be everything. I-- [Kaveh being Alhaitham's only friend worked out so fucking well last time, didn't it?

More than anything, the guilty understanding that there had been, truly, no one else when Kaveh left digs in like a knife.]

It's hardly trivial, but again, it is one evening.

Cute. What is this, like a jester's routine?

would've had to have been funny for that, wouldn't it

Only if you find jesters to be actually funny. Some of them are quite poor at their jobs.

[Well if that little lover's quarrel is over and done...]

... So is there a party happening or not?

How many places are you going to with actual paid jesters?

[...ranma, what is that username.]

it's happening. I'm the one who paid for the house.

Enough. They're better than clowns, at least, so consider yourself faintly praised.

...sure, we'll call that praise, why not?

have we met?

No, I don't believe we have. But I'm not the one who decided to put my relationship on display all over shellphones.

not that kind of relationship, one.

Two, he knows what he did to deserve this.

Ooh, the speed at which you decided to correct the record is certainly interesting! As you said, there are multiple kinds of relationships and you'll note that I didn't specify.

[He wasn't the one who chose it!!!]

Didn't know we could even buy houses here. Need any help with the party?

Is this a shellphone post or a semiotics debate, sir?

Was I to assume from the start you're such a curmudgeon you'd object to a display of friendship on the network?

Depending on how many people turn up we might need help setting up a grill and keeping it going. Have you cooked before?

The houses aren't cheap, but they do sell to riftfarers, apparently. And it's not like I was really using my wages before.

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text; finding friends...? (not real, totally clickbait)

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after the final message; un: subigito

un: paradisaea

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After; UN: catsgothistongue

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