Backdated to July 2nd

[general_affairs]

Type: Video
Sender ID: general-affairs
To: Public
Subject: Weird ass birds
Warnings: Swearing, nsfw topics



[ So there's a redhead on screen, and he's sitting outside, clearly. It's a nice, sunny day. There are clouds overhead. He looks like he's maybe sitting against something. From the color and texture, and the greenery around him, it looks like he's just casually sitting under a tree.

Why is Reno out near the wood's edge? Mind your business. ]

So, you guys hear that?

[ He lowers the camera so the viewers get a vague view of his be-goggled forehead, a bushel of red hair, and a whole lot of tree canopy overhead. Nothing else is happening, except, after a few moments, there it is:

a faint 'DICKS!!'.

There are a few more replies of 'DICKS!!' echoing from various directions. ]

Anyone wanna tell me why the woods're screamin' about dicks?

I mean--shit. Me too, buddy. But I don't go yellin' about it, yo.

Comments

[empyrean_mirror]

Listen here you little shit--

[Yeah this is about to go right off the rails.]

[indispensable]

[Did anyone expect anything else.

But also Alhaitham will catch his senior's wrist before he can poke him in the eyeball or something equally unpleasant, tugging him in after so that now he can keep one flailing architect perfectly trapped in his arms.]

[empyrean_mirror]

Feeble my ass.

[He is squirming and pouting.

Man it'd be horrible if someone came in the window during this.]

[indispensable]

[Well if somebody does decide to come in they'll be treated to the sight of Alhaitham pulling Kaveh all the way in for a very deep and thorough kiss that makes no attempt to hide anything whatsoever. Groping will also be involved.]

SORRY NOT SORRY

[catsgothistongue]

Y' guys going for round two there?

[Guess who snuck through one of the windows and is now currently hanging upside down above from one of the support beams on the ceiling? It's ya boi and feral son.]

[empyrean_mirror]

[Kaveh's shriek might pierce the very heavens themselves.]

Wha--Ranma?!

[WHY ARE YOU HANGING FROM THE CEILING?]

[catsgothistongue]

[CAUSE RUMIKO TAKAHASHI LOVES SPIDER-MAN.]

Funny, I'm not noticin' a any melted phones or smoking ovens here...

[indispensable]

[Its one thing to be interrupted but another thing to have your husband shriek right at your ear—

Ow is kind of an understatement right now, really.]

I see somebody is asking to be thrown out in the next minute.

[Hello you disturbed his VERY NICE MAKEOUT SESSION?? What a way to ruin absolutely everything.]

[empyrean_mirror]

Tssst, sorry--

[He did feel Alhaitham flinch, but in his defense, who wouldn't shriek in this situation???

He does turn to Mehrak. And notice she has the phone. Oh god they were live.]

M--Mehrak, shut that off! And you! [Pointing at Ranma!] Did you seriously break into the house to pun at me?!

(1/2)

[catsgothistongue]

[Of all the times he and Akane's private times were interrupted and butted in, it feels a bit nice to be on the opposite end of that. Still holding onto the beam by his feet, he waved off the pointing man.]

What, no, of course not?!

(2/2)

[catsgothistongue]

The windows were unlocked. Didn't need to break them.

[indispensable]

Is that so?

[That just means it'll be just as easy to throw him back out of it then.

Now excuse him Kaveh as he nudges you off him so that he can get up from the divan to go and deal with their pesky trespasser.]

[empyrean_mirror]

[You know what, he's going to get up and let this happen.]

Really. I see I'll have to be changing the window locks.

[catsgothistongue]

[Just. Not at all frightened or worried about Alhaitham kicking him out. Far as he's concerned, the man can't reach him. Or touch him for that matter. There's no getting sent into LEO for this man today! Hopefully...]

C'mon, can't a guy drop by and say hi? Be neighborly!

[... okay he really wanted to stop by cause of spite. Hope Kaveh and Alhaitham doesn't mind him doing a pull-up-type deal with one foot, clinging to the ceiling with one foot.]

[indispensable]

You do that by going to the front door from outside and knocking politely.

[Also Ranma you forget that Alhaitham can teleport. Which he proceeds to do right then and there to unceremoniously grab the teenager from the Archons-damned ceiling.]

[empyrean_mirror]

[Kaveh was just going to watch this go down but he's suddenly reminded of another problem.

One that's walked into the room, looked up, and gone "Mraaa?"

Yeah uh let him. Let him scoop her up real fast.]

...I can think of at least a dozen reasons you should probably have said you were coming first.

[One is definitely not the cat he just stuffed into his shirt.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Alhaitham, there's one thing you underestimate about him. When he sees a technique or ability used, Ranma keeps it safely stored in his head. Meaning he could predict Alhaitham's teleportation right in front of him. The scholar reached out, looking like he's going to grab him...

... only to find nothing but air in his grasp as the visage of Ranma flickered out of his vision.]

Wouldja answer the door if I did that?

[The voice of the encroaching team came from below, already right on the floor level, having let go and landed on his feet to avoid being grabbed by the scruff. The cheeky smile on the teen's face said it without any words: 'gotta be faster next time, Hammy!'

Now standing by Kaveh, missing the fluffy problem that added itself to this equation, he looked over at the blonde.]

Hard to when you hung up on me. [Cause clearly Kaveh's the one at fault here.]

[indispensable]

No, because you are not invited.

[Says this VERY grumpily as he turns back around, crossing his arms over his chest to send a pretty definitive glare at Ranma after the teenager has escaped his grasp. Why did you pick this one up again, Kaveh.]

[empyrean_mirror]

It's our honeymoon, Ranma.

[Kaveh is trying very hard to contain shadowlily but--she pops her head out of his shirt collar with a loud, aggrieved MRAO.]

...Also, we have a cat.

[catsgothistongue]

[... when he puts it like that, now he feels a bit like a dick.]

Oh. Why didn't you say that--

[His words drag on before rising in octave to an unflattering, totally manly scream before going right back on the ceiling. This time not even hanging on the beams, but by digging his nails into it like a cat.]

Y-YOU COULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME THAT SOONER?!

[Geez, you break into someone's house and they bring out their little fluffy monster. Some hosts they are.]

[indispensable]

[Ranma you literally broke and entered.

But also thanks for showcasing your weakness so very blatantly now because Alhaitham will now take Shadowlily from Kaveh and hold it up towards Ranma without any mercy whatsoever.]

[empyrean_mirror]

...We didn't have much of a chance to.

[Lily is, of course, thrilled to be picked up by Father so is purring up a storm as she is dangled. Kaveh sighs and just. Walks over to open the nearest window to create an escape path before Ranma goes feral here.]

Let's all learn from this today, hmm?

Rolled a 4, rip ranma's face

[catsgothistongue]

[Why why why did they just have to have adopted one of those furry bastards with legs?! Lack of foresight's biting him hard today. Speaking of biting, his teeth chatter against one another hard enough to sound like they could crack the more and more Alhaitham held up Shadowlily.]

G-GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

[Bless you for being the better dad Kaveh, opening the window for your terrified son. Unfortunately, due to him being a bit frazzled by his antithesis being shoved at his face, he missed the window when he jumped by this much.

CRASH!

His body hanged there for a few seconds, face stuck to the wall, before falling down in an undignified clump on the floor. Twitches and pained groans emitted from the teen's pathetic form.]

here lies ranma satome, death by cat

[indispensable]

[Ranma's shouting frankly isn't anything worse than what he has to handle with Kaveh, so it barely affects him at all as he unapologetically continues to hold up the purring Shadowlily. You break into their house, Ranma, you get wrecked. And speaking of wrecked...

Seeing the way the teenager had screamed, attempted to dart off and then end up crashing into the window is pretty much like watching a train wreck in motion. Which is exactly what Alhaitham does while still holding onto Shadowlily, who is just absolutely basking in this attention right now.

As Ranma lies prone and twitching on the ground with his pride crushed, Alhaitham glances over to his husband and sends a look that basically tells him to handle this. This is his scraggly stray that he refuses to give up on, after all.]

[catsgothistongue]

[Is this what comeuppance taste like? Pain?]