Backdated to July 2nd

[general_affairs]

Type: Video
Sender ID: general-affairs
To: Public
Subject: Weird ass birds
Warnings: Swearing, nsfw topics



[ So there's a redhead on screen, and he's sitting outside, clearly. It's a nice, sunny day. There are clouds overhead. He looks like he's maybe sitting against something. From the color and texture, and the greenery around him, it looks like he's just casually sitting under a tree.

Why is Reno out near the wood's edge? Mind your business. ]

So, you guys hear that?

[ He lowers the camera so the viewers get a vague view of his be-goggled forehead, a bushel of red hair, and a whole lot of tree canopy overhead. Nothing else is happening, except, after a few moments, there it is:

a faint 'DICKS!!'.

There are a few more replies of 'DICKS!!' echoing from various directions. ]

Anyone wanna tell me why the woods're screamin' about dicks?

I mean--shit. Me too, buddy. But I don't go yellin' about it, yo.

Comments

[general_affairs]

[ That's how he knew it was a good one. ]

Plenty of fruits hangin' low in these woods, yo.

[empyrean_mirror]

[Ignore the motion like Kaveh just elbowed someone off-screen, it's fine.]

If they hang too low they're liable to be torn off by passing wildlife, so I certainly hope not.

[WHY PUNS.]

Those didn't sound like birds.

[indispensable]

[From Kaveh's side off screen:] I wasn't aware that you've become an expert on birds now, senior.

reno I'm so sorry

[empyrean_mirror]

And you are?

no no he is LIVING right now

[general_affairs]

[ not here but if he can catch snippets of the conversation over the shellphone he's just ALL ears and mischievous, vulpine little grins. ]

gay disasters strike again

[indispensable]

I'm not the one making the claim to know how birds sound like.

get your tickets now.

[empyrean_mirror]

[Kaveh never did find out there's a mute button.]

We live in a jungle. Of course I know what birds sound like. Have you ever heard birds yelling about dicks in the woods once in your life?

one night only

[indispensable]

[Alhaitham knows where it is, but he never bothers.]

There might've been an incident or two back in the Grand Bazaar.

[You know some kids and people who try it for a spot of laughter only to have it backfire in the most spectacular manner.]

But I suppose the Light of Kshahrewar might be too busy drowning in his own work to have heard about such things.

(they're here forever)

[empyrean_mirror]

...Wait, how did that get by me? You make me do all the shopping!

[DID THE AUNTIES HOLD OUT ON HIM???]

👀 HE LOVES GETTING TO BE NOSY I PROMISE YOU.

[general_affairs]

[ NOT THE AUNTIES! ]

(is he here, is he not, mysteries to be solved later)

[catsgothistongue]

[Dad fight! Dad fight! Dad fight!]

one night... for many nights to come

[indispensable]

You're only shopping when you're not up to your ears in your work. [Which as they know, is more often than not.] You're not the one buying the coffee after you collapse in bed right before sunrise.

[They don't hold out on him Kaveh just misses all the fun stuff all the time like the Archon Quest.]

the kaveh and alhaitham comedy gay hour

[empyrean_mirror]

How often are people teaching birds to swear at the morning market? How are they surviving that? I'm sure Cyno would have grumbled about this?

[HE HAS SO MANY QUESTIONS??? DON'T HOLD OUT ON HIM?????]

[general_affairs]

[ He made a dick pun and it had only just tickled him, but Kaveh's pain was absolutely egging Reno on.

He blew a little 'pfft' out that transitioned into a laugh. ]

Kavs, are you askin' me to actively go and investigate what's screaming about dicks in the woods? Pretty sure that's just setting me up to hit you with the classic 'in front of my salad?' meme.

Probably just some kids being little shits if it ain't the birds Zack mentioned.

[empyrean_mirror]

Better you than me, Reno.

[He's married, you go investigate the haunted dick forest.]

...What, is Zack out there? What are all of you doing out in the woods anyway?

[general_affairs]

Don't mind if I do.

[ That was the face of a man that knew what he was about, and wasn't sorry. ]

No idea where he's at, he just chimed in a little earlier on my post. I don't think he'd wanna be running around a Dick Forest with G'Raha waitin' for him back on the ship anyway.

[empyrean_mirror]

Maybe he's singing G'raha's praises to the trees. He seems to enjoy the opportunity to do so.

[Listen he has to roast zack about that a little or he will curl up and die of embarrassment. Exposure therapy!!]

[general_affairs]

You heard it here first, folks. Zack yells out 'DICKS' while doin' the do with his boyfriend.

[ Another snort and a laugh. ]

I would've brought the cupcakes with me if I knew.

[empyrean_mirror]

The...cupcakes?

[Reno have mercy he remembers NOTHING he said on that post.]

[general_affairs]

Oh you really were plastered if you don't remember that.

I'll rehash it for you when there ain't any kiddos around.

[empyrean_mirror]

I'm already deeply concerned by that preface.

[afflatusexarch]

D-do you mind not bringing me into this!?

[empyrean_mirror]

[Ooops.]

Sorry, G'raha...

[Yeah he probably should have forseen this outcome.]

[general_affairs]

Yeah, can do. Gotta give us a good pun though.

[empyrean_mirror]

No, he does not.