Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I mean, I've never been too picky about that sort of thing? I can sleep pretty much anywhere.

Pretty sure I've slept on an anvil once or twice.

[empyrean_mirror]

...And I have fallen asleep in bookshelves at your age. I promise you, there's a time limit for how long your spine tolerates that nonsense and it's age twenty-five.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Then I've got a year to go! Challenge accepted!

[empyrean_mirror]

No! You are still accruing debt your back will pay off! Have a care for your future self!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

What if my future self wants a hammock too?

Pretty sure I'm doing us both a favor by getting what I want now. Kinda streamlines the process.

[empyrean_mirror]

Your future self will have the spine of a shrimp and the back pain of a seventy-year-old man and you will only have yourself at this very moment to blame.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay, but isn't that just life? We're all responsible for our own choices so if I'm gonna blame myself in the future, I might as well enjoy myself now.

[empyrean_mirror]

I am trying to suggest you can find a comfortable enough bed that you enjoy yourself now and in the future, sir.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

And I'm trying to tell you that I will enjoy a hammock now and also in the future.

[empyrean_mirror]

When you wake up with back pain the day after your birthday I want you to remember this moment.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Which one?

[Okay he might actively just be screwing around now.]

[empyrean_mirror]

The one where I'll say I told you so.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Look, if I wake up the day after my twenty fifth birthday and find myself in crippling back pain, I will proudly rescind my foolish opinion.

But if we're being brutally honest? I never really thought that hard about a future before.

[empyrean_mirror]

No? You're young, your future should still be bright and full of sunshine, shouldn't it?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

It's...well, it's a pretty long and complicated story.

I never really thought much of myself growing up. A lot of people uh...

Well, the term "monster" was thrown around a lot since I was about five...

[empyrean_mirror]

What?

That--that is ridiculous! No child is a monster!

[Oh you've done it now, Darin. He's feeling excessive amounts of empathy.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

It's...look, where I come from hair like mine is indicative of...

Of a taint in the blood. We're said to have demonkin or beastkin blood.

We're not...really looked upon favorably.

[empyrean_mirror]

You're certainly not still entertaining that nonsense, are you? Your blood has no bearing on your destiny or personality, no matter what they say.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Listen, it's hard to unlearn twenty years of people saying you shouldn't exist. Some habits form and they're hard to...to break.

[empyrean_mirror]

Well, then add this to the scale: You seem like a perfectly wonderful young man some distressing ideas about sleep posture notwithstanding who is deeply passionate and loyal to his friends and loved ones. I doubt any of the people who actually know you would ever think you're a monster.

And even if you were, that'd be no reason not to show you kindness and compassion! So those people can shove their cruelty right up their ass--

[Mehrak has disconnected this call for the following reason: unwarranted profanity.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Darin just kinda. Stares.]

...Oh damn, did I hang up on him?

[He barely knows how to work his shellphone]

text; id: vulturvolans

[indispensable]

[This message comes about maybe fifteen minutes later.]

1) A hammock can be a bed, but it should be modified adequately for long term use.
2) One's past and heritage has never defined a person. Their actions and choices do, including the choice to prevent back pain.
3) Confess to your roommate before you embarrass yourself even further.

My husband will no longer be able to take your calls for the rest of the day.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh uh

1) thats a good idea
2) I guess that makes sense
3) IM NOT EMBARRASSING MYSELF WHAT THE HELL

4)!!!!!! WOW WHY THE HELL NOT?!

[indispensable]

[Yeah Darin he's not gonna bother answering you here. Good luck with... whatever it is you're doing.]

he fully stole alhaitham's phone for this

[empyrean_mirror]

IT'S FINE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG MEHRAK JUST CUT ME OFF

YOU'RE PERFECT

AND YOU SHOULD TELL HER YOU WANT TO KISS HER