Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[octoblot]

I can't imagine that I will ever need this chart myself, but for the sake of argument in regards to your claim with hammocks... I suppose it does in fact count as a "bed" since it is a place a person can sleep in.

That said, I've been under the impression that a "proper" bed is the traditional boxsprings and mattress, since it is the most common type and, judging by your other examples, the most comfortable in comparison to the others.

[Although, Azul could sleep in a hot tub... but maybe he should refrain from mentioning that since he's trying to keep his merman status on the downlow.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay, counterpoint?

Sleeping on a trampoline would be fun as hell.

[The other points will be addressed later, don't worry.]

[octoblot]

How so? It just looks like a table to me.

[Hey Darin: guess who has never seen or been on a trampoline before now.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh that center piece? It's like stretchy canvass. It's like a giant bounce mat.

[octoblot]

... And you're suggesting that someone should sleep on that?

[How? Why??]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Who needs an alarm clock right? Just divebomb the person when it's time to wake them up!

[octoblot]

I'm sorry, but that sounds like a wretched manner to be woken up in.

[Azul would probably strangle someone if they actually divebombed him, regardless of what kind of bed he's sleeping in... not that it really stops Floyd from doing that sometimes when they were younger, but still.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah, but you can't deny its effectiveness.

Honestly, there's a few others on here I'm partial to. A bean bag chair would be really nice.

...Okay, and maybe the hot tub.

[octoblot]

To be honest, I don't see how this... "bean bag chair"? Could really be that comfortable to sleep in, it looks rather small on the chart here...

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Really? I've seen a few in the market! They're like big pillows filled with...

Well, not beans? I don't know what they're filled with.

They're really comfortable and come in all shapes and sizes!

[octoblot]

Wait... why is it called a bean bag chair if its not filled with beans?

[Why name it like that??]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

... ... ...

Doesn't...that seem like a waste of really good beans though?

[HE DOESN'T KNOW NOW THAT HE THINKS ABOUT IT]

[octoblot]

If they didn't want to use beans for it, then it should have been called something else.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Maybe this is one of those cases where they were made with beans originally but then changed how they were made later?

[octoblot]

I suppose, but this still seems like a rather illfitting name for these lumpy chairs, as far as I can tell...

[Azul wouldn't really know, on account of there not being bean bag chairs in the ocean.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You know, it does seem pretty misleading. What would you call them?

Ballsacks?

[octoblot]

[darin]

Please tell me that you're joking.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Why would I be joking about ballsacks?

[octoblot]

[oh my god]

Surely you have a better suggestion than something so crass.

[or maybe this guy really is just stupid...]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

... ... ...

Sacknap?

[octoblot]

Admittedly better than the previous suggestion, though I genuinely have trouble imagining how these chairs are actually considered comfortable enough to take a nap in.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Well, I think it's a matter of the person.

Me? I can pretty much sleep anywhere. I've fallen asleep on the anvil in my forge before.

But at least with one of those bean bag things there's some level of cushioning. I'm sure you can find one to try out somewhere!

[octoblot]

I suppose...

[But honestly, looking at the chart and the example picture, this looks like a chair that someone like Idia would probably enjoy more than him... though speaking of the chart again--]

I just had a thought I realized I should have asked sooner, in regards to the hot tub inclusion: does this involve trying to sleep in the tub while it's empty, or when it has water in it?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

When it's filled I think would be the most relaxing. It'd be like taking a quick nap in a nice, hot bath!

[octoblot]

[Azul actually agrees with that--as a merman, he's fallen asleep once or twice in a hot bath during the few precious periods he had to rest inbetween work back home. However...]

How would you ensure that you don't accidentally drown if your head slips under the water while you're asleep?

[Azul may be able to breathe underwater, but land-dwellers... not so much without magic.]