Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[ramuhs]

Really, as much as I want to be on Darin's side, there is only one true answer.

[headhunt]

right
you gotta think about the long term

[ramuhs]

Especially when it's quite clear their "separate arrangements" won't last for long.

[headhunt]

right
who do these two think they're kidding?

they're gonna push those two beds together in less than a week

[ramuhs]

Honestly, I would suggest for the lady to go ahead and get a larger bed, at least a queen. Even if they don't move into one bedroom immediately, she'll at least enjoy the extra space and comfort.

[headhunt]

( nodding at her shellphone because mmhmm mmhmm. )

she's an elf too
and if i know anything about romancing elves it's gotta be done in big beds
with lots of pillows
and fancy drapery

[ramuhs]

I've yet to actually meet this mysterious lady. An elf you say?

[yeah totally ignoring you darin]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

She has a large bed because I bought her one months ago and can we not talk about me like Im not right here? Reading this? In my own post?

[ramuhs]

But that just makes it more entertaining.

[headhunt]

right?
don't ask the audience if you don't want us to answer

[ramuhs]

He's really not doing himself any favors, that's for certain.

[JUST SIPPING HIS COFFEE READING THEIR EXCHANGE DOWN THERE.]

[headhunt]

you bought her a big bed?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah with lots of pillows and a comforter since I wrecked her first one

[Context? Nah, not needed.]

[headhunt]

YOU WRECKED IT?

( huh. good for zelda. get it, girl. )

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah it was pretty rough

I felt really bad and I was gonna sleep on the floor after but then she hit me with these shackles and convinced me to get back into it

1/2

[headhunt]

( holy shit. she cannot reply because she's bowing over in laughter. he's learned absolutely fucking nothing about minding what he says in public. )

[headhunt]

( eventually. )

say less

[forgeabettertomorrow]

less

[headhunt]

( there's another delay because karlach howls with laughter. )

don't talk about your girlfriend shackling you to bed
in public

where we can all read
and comment on it

she's a lady

[forgeabettertomorrow]

IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!

SHES NOT MY GIRLGEFIEND!!!

I WAS JUST EXPLAINING THAT SHE MADE ME KNEEL!!!!

[Oh my gods WHY IS EVERYONE JUST ASSUMING THESE THINGS????]

[headhunt]

that's not better

did you like it when she made you kneel, darin?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I mean I kinda deserved it I was being pretty bad

[headhunt]

( oh, okay.

so it's like this. )

after she put you in your place
what did you do next
did you show her you were sorry?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Well yeah obviously

I made her a big breakfast and made her a thank you card