Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wait, okay hold on. I hadn't considered this aspect and you raise a good point.

This is a two dimensional chart, right? Only two axis? What if we added a third axis representing a person's health and comfort?? Like, you can't handle a hammock but I can.

What if bedding is a spectrum!

[netherese]

Given the importance of one's comfort and physical health, these things should indeed be considered!

[He perks up, which is saying something, because he was already plenty cheerful— but Darin's suggestion has activated something in him.]

If we approach this debate while taking a third axis into consideration, then the potential may be not only astronomical, but infinite— countless points in a three-dimensional space that is defined by axes, but without limits!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

There's probably concepts of bedding that we never even considered! Entire combinations that have never been tried! Horses sleep standing up, right? So who says you need to be horizontal when you sleep??

There's an entire realm of sleep theory that we could be looking at here!

resurrects myself maybe

[netherese]

Well, I suppose horizontal isn't necessary, but given the nature of gravity, I will say that I do feel horizontal is more comfortable— but a matter of opinion, if we're to consider such an angle!

[He's prepared to Let Darin Cook.]

We can hardly limit ourselves to a single plane in this particular thought exercise, either. No two are exactly alike, with vastly different properties and demands.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Wait, planes?

As in different worlds?

Is that why people can't understand why a hammock makes a suitable bed? Maybe people are just sturdier on my world.

[No Darin, it's because you're a demigod that's too stupid to process pain.]

[netherese]

Different worlds is an apt enough way of thinking of them! The planes of the system I am most acquainted with are related to one another in a way that this world is not, but for the sake of general understanding, they are comparable.

[That said...]

I'm not certain a hammock is considered a suitable bed in any of them, however.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay, you know what? I refuse to believe that there aren't specific conditions that would allow for a hammock to be considered a proper bed.

[netherese]

Perhaps onboard a ship, where space is at a premium? Though I imagine my back would still protest.