Darin Altway (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
forgeabettertomorrow) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
shellphones2024-12-05 01:23 pm
forgeabettertomorrow) wrote in shellphones2024-12-05 01:23 pm
Entry tags:
- alhaitham,
- axel,
- azul ashengrotto,
- cidolfus telamon,
- commander shepard,
- darin altway,
- della duck,
- emet-selch,
- gale dekarios,
- garrus vakarian,
- hiro hamada,
- jill warrick,
- karlach cliffgate,
- kaveh,
- miriam,
- naeva dos martos,
- nappa,
- ranma saotome,
- reno,
- roxas,
- sakata kintoki,
- sherlock holmes,
- sidestep,
- vash the stampede,
- zelda
Bedroom Talk
Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys
[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]
Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.
See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."
Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.
As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.
Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?
[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys
[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]
Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.
See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."
Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.
As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.
Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?
[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]
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She's worried about MUTUAL comfort! If she's known you long enough that she's good with living with you, she already knows YOUR comfort level!
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B-But I think...people are getting the wrong idea about us...?
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You asked an entire network about your bedding situation with your close roommate.
We didn't have to travel far.
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I feel like it's a pretty big assumption that two people living together having a disagreement about what constitutes a bed in their home automatically translates to them sleeping toge—
...Crap.
Look, isn't it entirely possible that maybe we're just good friends?? Two friends can have a disagreement about bed, right??
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But I think if you have to ASK if MAYBE you're good friends, you already lost this game.
1/2
2/2
I want to play a different game.
...I don't suppose deleting my very expertly made chart is going to make a difference now.
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So, what's this lady like? I know you now, tell me about your girlfriend!
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[Okay, so let's try a different tack.]
She's my captain. [THAT WON'T CAUSE FURTHER MISUNDERSTANDINGS OR ISSUES.]
Her name's Zelda and she's...
[Somehow, being spoken to as if he's actually talking about his girlfriend is way more embarrassing.]
...She's my hero. She taught me that I could be worth something if I stopped pushing everyone away and showed them who I want to be rather than what I thought I was.
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I-It's not even really that spectacular? I mean she's spectacular but...I-I mean...
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B-Besides, I don't even know who you are!
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Name's Della Duck! Nice to meet you!
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So, after spending a decade on the moon do you moonlight as a matchmaker now?
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But no, that's pretty low on the "stuff I tend to do" list. But this was just so blaringly obvious I had to say something. Like when someone has a piece of toilet-paper stuck on their foot or their fly's down. You gotta speak up and help when someone doesn't realize they look like a doofus.
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So you're in the business of helping people out, huh? I'm kinda in the same boat.
Sometimes, you just gotta meddle, right?
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[ woo-woo. ]
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And there's plenty of ruins in this world too! I've been poking around them myself!
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