Bedroom Talk

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice/Text
Sender ID: hammertime (Darin Altway)
To: Public
Subject: beds
Warnings: He's so stupid you guys

[Darin clears his throat because forget typing all of this out.]

Okay guys, I need you all to settle a bit of an argument Zelda and I are having.

See, we were out shopping for furniture for our new place and she tells me I need a bed. I say "you're right, I do! I know just the type!" So I go and I show her the hammocks because back home, I slept in a hammock. So she says [Darin clears his throat and proceeds to do his best Zelda voice] "Don't be preposterous, a hammock is not a proper bed."

Which is wrong. Because a hammock is totally a bed. Lots of things can be beds. So, to prove my point, I made this chart.



As you can see by this chart that I spent entirely too much time on, the parameters that dictate an objects "bedability" are thus. I think it's a pretty open and shut case.

Anyway, I think this explains why I should be allowed to get a hammock in my room. You guys are on my side on this, right?

[Just...you know. Ignore how he casually dropped that they're living together because he's brain dead.]

Comments

[telepathicignorance]

Sure buddy. Whatever you say.

(They saw your insistence on buying one yourself. They saw you experience decision paralysis over which one to get.)

[forgeabettertomorrow]

This is not helping and I cant help but assume thats the damn point!

[telepathicignorance]

Yeah, you got me.

...Not like your crush wasn't already obvious to everyone anyway.

(They're looking at the other replies to this post and ...wow. This guy really is kind of a dumbass.)

[forgeabettertomorrow]

IT ISNT A CRUSH!! CANT A GUY JUST DO SOMETHING NICE FOR A PRETTY GIRL WITHOUT IT MEANING ANYTHING?! GODS ABOVE THIS IS WHATS WRONG WITH SOCIETY NOWADAYS!!

[telepathicignorance]

They can, but in your case it's really obvious it's a crush, and now you're moving in with her...

(This is deeply entertaining.)

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Look its a mutually beneficial arrangements

The riftfarer apartments are terrible and Im making a killing at the forge

Why wouldnt I offer to move my friend in with me?

[telepathicignorance]

Sure buddy.

Pretty sure they all say that.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

So do you have anything to add to the bed discourse that doesnt involve my purely platonic relationship with my friend?

[telepathicignorance]

I think it'd be really hard to sleep in a parachute.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Really? I think its possible as long as its suspended in a tree or something and youre not plummeting to the ground

[telepathicignorance]

It's an issue of comfort, not physical possibility. Hard to relax when you're dangling like that.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I dunno babies sleep in harnesses attached to their parents all the time

Then again babies are like really malleable so maybe theres a trade off

[telepathicignorance]

Babies are also a lot smaller than adults. With tiny stub limbs.

(Does Darin really want to have his big adult limbs dangling and dragging him down like that when he's trying to sleep?)

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Well I wouldnt have an adult strapped to another adult! Itd have to be to something comparatively bigger so that doesnt happen!

[telepathicignorance]

Okay but your limbs would still be a lot longer and heavier in comparison to the rest of you than a baby's are. Even if it were someone big enough that carrying you wouldn't be difficult, it'd probably still be uncomfortable.

(Being stuck in a baby harness sounds awful. Can you imagine being entirely dependent on someone else to carry you?)

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay fair point. The harness would have to be high enough to allow your arms and legs to dangle without them being dragged around.

I might have to rethink this approach now.

[telepathicignorance]

Yeah.

I can't imagine being restrained and unable to move would be very fun either.

(Babies can't move much anyway, they're supposed to be carried around.)