shellphones | text; finding friends...? (not real, totally clickbait)

Type: Text
Sender ID: indispensable (Alhaitham)
To: Public~
Subject: !!!
Warnings: ~~Impersonation and clickbait B|~~ None whatsoever.

Hello. I am Alhaitham, scholar and Scribe of the Akademiya. I have been informed by my gracious and kind senior that this network is an excellent communication tool.

It has been brought to my attention that I am severely lacking in social interactions, and that it may be detrimental to my health to stay inside and read all day.

Despite the many flaws in my personality, I am very knowledgeable in a wide range of topics, and am a thorough partner in any academic debate. While my way of speaking is quite strangely awkward and disjointed for a man who studies words for a living, my only criteria for judgement is that you are doing your best for your educational background.

Kaveh will be hosting a small party to celebrate the acquisition of a new home. I look forward to exploring the joys of friendship there with you. If you have any further questions, please forward them to me or to my kind senior, Kaveh.

[A few hours later, this post is amended with the following:]

Disregard the contents of this post; Kaveh made it using my shellphone while I was not paying attention. The party that he mentioned above is also not happening.

[A second amendment, around half an hour later:]

Ignore Alhaitham!! The party will be happening!! I will be sending invites soon!!

[ooc note: despite this being written from Alhaitham's shellphone, Kaveh is the one who made the initial post. responses will come from either one of them depending on the time (before or after Alhaitham discovers what Kaveh has done), so do specify which time period your character is responding to!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Sounds like a sore spot.]

Relax Kaveh, I've spent most of my life homeless and on the road. Granted it wasn't lonely cause I had Pop, but it's not that big a deal. But if you're going to be all huffy over nothing, I'll get the key.

...Thank you.

['With his pops'. Well. Of course. A gift granted to those who didn't get their fathers killed.]

[kaveh are you okay?]

You're not welcome.

Anyway, anything to know about the party? Anything else I can help with, or need to bring or whatever?

[hahahahaha no.]

snacks and drinks wouldn't go amiss. ...perhaps cups, also. If you bring me a receipt for it, I can reimburse you for anything you pick up.

[seek help please.]

I can do that. Anything in particular. And you don't gotta.

[sounds like spend my entire life doing good deeds to make up for my guilt to meeeeee--]

Probably ciders? I suspect someone will get more than somewhat upset if I get drunk this time, so no wine this time.

And it's only fair I pay it back, isn't it?

[KAVEH NO]

This time?

[sassy loss teen is judging.]

But I can bring cider, yeah. And if you want to, I won't stop you.

Before he tells you anything otherwise, I am a grown man in my 30s, and there's nothing wrong with going to a tavern now and then, alright?

But drinking's a horrible habit and you should never start.

Buddy that's what a lot of people say. But if you want to screw up your body with that junk, go for it.

Don't plan on starting. It tastes horrible from the times I've had it, don't get the big appeal over it.

I'm not exactly trying to be an athlete, Ranma.

What's that gotta do with anything?

You know what, don't worry about it.

Also, do me a favor: I know he is the most infuriating man in existence but please do not try to fight Alhaitham, no matter how muscular he is. He is going to make this a very hard. I'm sorry in advance.

[Oh sure. You can be concerned when he sleeps outside which has done no harm to him, but you hate it when he's concerned about you poisoning your body? Does the h in Kaveh stand for hypocrisy?]

Okay? Wasn't planning on it unless he challenged me first. He doesn't like the idea of the party, does he?

[Judging from the earlier texts...]

...You'll understand a little better when you see him.

That explains absolutely nothing.

[ you know what ranma, here, just have a picture of this stupidly jacked scholar. ]

Edited (gentle strangles wiki) 2024-02-03 23:59 (UTC)

... And? No offense, but he doesn't really look all that special. I mean besides that gaudy green thing he's wearing.

[Seriously what's with that outfit??]

[do not argue with a straight teenager do not argue with a straight teenager do NOT argue with a straight teenager Kaveh oh my GOD listen to your inner Nari and don't fucking do it.]

I believe in laymans terms it's called a cloak.