Text;

[thearchangel]

Type: Text
Sender ID: thearchangel (Garrus Vakarian)
To: Everyone
Subject: Help Wanted
Warnings: N/A

All right, I cave.

Help wanted for someone who can engineer a way to keep someone from sinking the second they set foot in a body of water.




And please don't say "swimming lessons" - that's not physically possible without a lot of flotation assistance.

Comments

[thearchangel]

Wow, asking for photos over the network. Might give people the wrong idea.

[Stop being gross u two.]

[onebullet]

And what's the right idea?

[ No. ]

[thearchangel]

Ah

[oops.]

[HE FUMBLES. He didn't think this far ahead!!]

Something.

Research based.

TEXT| UN: hammertime

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I might be wrong here but I think shes asking you to order dinner

Send her one of those cheese frisbees or whatever theyre called

Putzes

Oh order me one too

[thearchangel]

That is not what she is asking, thanks.

Also no. I'm not buying you dinner.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Im not asking you to buy me dinner Im asking you to buy US dinner.

Her and then me for helping you out plus you owe me for punching me in the face.

I will take my reparations in the form of a putza

[onebullet]

Hold up.

[ Uh oh. ]

Is this true? What the hell happened?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Uh oh.]

[It was not Darin's intent to get Garrus in trouble.]

[Okay, he's got this.]

Oh I totally deserved it. We were drinking and I mouthed off and said some really stupid things so he wanted to help me calibrate.

[onebullet]

You deserved it... but he owes you for doing it?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I mean full transparency I pretty much always deserve a shot in the chops for one thing or another

Also I just really want a putza

[onebullet]

Noted.

[ Order for one (1) putza received. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Okay look Garrus and I were drinking and he thought I was making disparaging remarks about you

If I were in his shoes Id punch him too. Besides I healed up pretty much instantly. If I had a dubloon for every time someones punched me in the nose because I ran my mouth I could afford my own armada

Hes a good guy. Maybe one of the best.



[Also HELL YES PUTZA!!! Also don't be mad at Garrus :(]

[onebullet]

Also noted. Thanks for the info.

[ She appreciates being filled in, but that's not going to stop the chewing out Garrus has coming to him for punching his friend over her. ]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

I feel like my wish for a putza may have caused some problems

[thearchangel]

Shots happened.

And confusing terminology.

[onebullet]

So you punched him?

[ There's the indication of typing for a small while, then it stops. And then starts again. ]

I'm not having this conversation over here. We'll talk later - I think you owe Darin his putza.

Whatever the hell that is.

[thearchangel]

[Oops.]

[... Yeah he's not even going to try and argue. That's an OOPS.]

Yes ma'am.

[thearchangel]

That's not even a thing.

It's your own fault for not explaining what the hell a 'boba' was to start with.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Garrus I am going to be entirely honest with you its been weeks and I still dont really know what boba are

[thearchangel]

It's that drink that doesn't taste like anything. With the little round chunks in it.

[Garrus you're just saying that because you got Hot Chili Boba and you can't taste the spice.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

What do you mean it doesnt taste like anything

[thearchangel]

It didn't taste like anything.

I had one. Bright red, little chunks in it. Didn't taste like anything at all.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Thats literally

Wait

Bright red?

GARRUS YOU CHEATING BASTARD

[thearchangel]

What the hell are you talking about?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

YOU GOT A SPICY ONE AND BECAUSE YOUR STUPID MOUTH IS BROKEN YOU DONT TASTE SPICE!!!